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Allow me to offer an explanation...

Bio:

Nestled between the sawmills and the smokestacks are the homes and apartment complexes that shelter us—the former tools of industry. Some of these remnants get more attention than others. Some places might still even be described as charming. People still have pride in their materialism. People still garden, paint, and fix their fences. We all keep up with the Joneses in our own way.

To me, it all feels like pantomime. A performance of a bygone age.
But I suppose if it keeps them busy.

Who am I to find fault?

Their pastiche of busyness doesn’t bother me much.

That is, if I don’t think about it too much.

So I try not to think about it too much.

But some things aren’t as easy to not think about.

Some things force the mind in their direction.

Some things claw at your very essence.

I wonder what this place sounded like when the sawmills were running.

Did the buzzing persist all day?

Was there always a low hum or din blanketing the air?

Could you block it out?

Did people just get used to the noise?

Did the buzz claw at their very essence?

Through no fault of my own, I’ve always been relatively strong. Physically, I mean.

I’m no bodybuilder. I’m far too undisciplined for that.

It’s more like I was gifted with a strong constitution. That’s the word I use—constitution. It’s kept me alive long past what I expected. I never thought much about health or exercise, but somehow I remained robust, even well past the prime of my youth.

My back is still solid. I still function.
My forearms are large and defined. My hands mostly free of arthritis.
I show the signs of moderate self-abuse and subservient capitalism, but this form is still running.

Most of the time, I’m grateful it still works.

It’s good to have a functioning machine in times like these.

It’s good to have a strong constitution when things start to change.

I trust myself to persevere.

More Stories and content available on my SUBSTACK PAGE

Author Photograph.

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That star shone brightly  

off in the distant blackness overhead...
 

They didn’t mean to, and didn’t try.

They know I watch, the eye in the sky,..

The acolyte of the mad at the pulpit stood in front of nine other hulking figures.


The latest schism was his. (ours)

A flick, a quickening.

Momma calls it a kick. (listening)

I call it a usurpation...


Silence forever on the seam of nightmare.

desiring only to be understood as it endlessly seeks itself, but not to share...

A conceptual reimagining of the Alan Parsons Project's "Eye in the Sky," each of the ten tracks transmuted into a reverse libretto of macabre existential collapse. To be presented as an Interwoven Novella.

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I saw her just long enough to know she saw me too—
And poof...

It says here that you made this appointment because you are having some kind of nightmare?...

<OPERATION_MAMMAGAMMA.INIT>

It was a plain and measured somatic whisper...

 

Last known location EYE.1.9

Variable seized subject 

previous steward <MIA>Priority: none <inculcated>...

“I have a few thoughts for your…

Obituary?

Eulogy?

Suicide note?

Nothing formal as of yet, but we have time, I’ve never quite had time before...



 

Featured Stories

Oriane des Goules

Oriane never wanted to eat corpses. For much of her life, she wanted to be a beautician. Things have a way of going off track, and they sure did for Oriane. It wasn’t a steady decline. It wasn’t protracted. It happened very quickly, but the trigger event and the way her life culminated were sure to leave a lasting impression on the surrounding cities and towns despite the speed at which they unfolded. Oriane des Goules isn’t the most grammatically correct nickname, but it resonates and carries exactly the type of mythic quality that gives these types of events legs. She was born in France, and at the time of her birth, she was the only daughter and the youngest of three. After her parents moved to just outside of Ithaca, New York, her mother gave birth to two more girls in rapid succession. Oriane’s two younger sisters were not twins in the traditional sense, but they were born in the same year. These births robbed Oriane of two of her most prized possessions; she was no longer the youngest child, and no longer the only daughter. This might have been a traumatic event, but it was filed away in those categories internally marked as formative but unavoidable. Adapting to her new status as middle child was difficult. She was clever enough to devise several schemes to draw the fleeting attention of her parents. The two most effective schemes were as follows. Oriane made every effort possible to be an adventurous eater. She would go out of her way to order the strangest thing on the menu, and her tastes would range from geoduck and jellyfish to olive loaf and spam. Essentially, anything that someone else would think of as “gross” became Oriane’s favourite food. Her parents loved this about her; they would foster it, and when entertaining, they would bring her out almost as a circus geek. They would say “elle mangera n’importe quoi!”(she will eat anything) Then they would have her eat whatever rare, eccentric delicacy they purchased to impress their friends at the party. Her younger sisters, on the other hand, were very picky eaters, so this was more fuel for the fire. The other thing she would do is create elaborate hair and make-up displays on herself and her sisters. She started at a young age and was fascinated by all sorts of techniques and styles that had gone out of vogue centuries or millennia ago. She would put her sisters in pin curls or draw on thick Egyptian or Roman brows. Oriane herself preferred a thinner 1920s style, and until her death, she modelled her brow after Clara Bow’s. Whenever she completed the make-up for her two younger sisters, she would parade them around the house in a faux fashion show; sometimes her father would put on Claudine Longet’s “Hello, Hello” records and clap along as the children performed. When Oriane did this, her parents would call her le directeur and lavish her with praise. The rest of the time, outside of eating weird things and dressing up, her parents didn’t call her anything, and by the time Oriane was 18, she could barely garner a look from her parents. A teenager eating strange things and dressing up in funny clothes isn’t all that unique. Oriane was more interested in the history of beauty than in any modern use. Additionally, one cannot make a living off —history — for the most part. She decided to be practical and to become a beautician. By the time she was in her early twenties, she had almost finished cosmetology school. In New York State, one needed to complete a series of courses in bacteriology and anatomy to obtain a license. Oriane developed a curious interest in these subjects following her studies. For the most part, her interest remained in archaic glamour and the history of make-up and hair. She had grown into quite a traditional, glamorous eccentric. She wore her dark hair in a loose bouffant with soft curls around her temples, and that, combined with her thin, Clara Bow-like eyebrows, stark eyeshadow, and bold lipstick colours, created quite a presence. Oriane was never interested in fashion, so she almost always wore a simple black boiler suit. It was practical and functioned serving both as everyday clothes and work wear. Her shoes were also chosen for practicality, usually a dark, comfortable sneaker. Despite her utilitarian clothing, before going out, she would spend hours preparing her hair and make-up, until just so. She developed the unusual affectation of ending each prep session by staring directly in her own eyes and saying, “I mistake myself.” She didn’t know what she meant by it or where it came from, but it was her ritual. By this point, Oriane had suffered several romantic entanglements. The eccentric appearance she presented would draw people in, but once they got to know her, what was thought to be an artistic flourish or performance was discovered to be a genuinely odd personality. She was somewhere between aloof and obsessive, depending on the day, and although not the cliché French ennui, there was an emotional and social detachment. Ultimately, she would be abandoned for the next thing that fluttered by with a pretty mosaic emblazoned on its wings. After her last break-up or ghosting, Oriane decided to do a particular thing —a thing — she never would have normally done, and this decision ended up leading to a quite occult and macabre demise. She was in the final semester of beauty school, and one of the options the students had for practicing was to help at the local funeral parlour. The opportunity was presented as a low-risk transition from the mannequin heads and volunteers. The corpses were thought to be a more challenging client. Normally, Oriane would have had no interest in something like this, not so much out of fear of death, but more out of a sense of absurdity about the whole thing. Her decision to sign up was made out of spite for being spurned again and a desire to expedite her career trajectory. It was the first time she was left alone with a corpse that she tried her first nibble. She was doing a quick cut around a man’s sideburns, and the scissors slipped. They were an expensive pair and very sharp, so the cut went clean through. This man’s lobe fell into the coffin, and without thinking about it, Oriane scooped it up and ate it. She chewed and savoured the experience. She was transported back to the days of geoduck and spam. The ghoulish compulsion gripped her immediately. Within four days, she would claw into a fresh grave nightly for food. She had two favourite parts of the corpse. First was the spleen. Oriane loved how acrid and foul it tasted. It was one of the most exciting experiences of her life when she tried it for the first time. She believed she had the most exotic and refined palate of all the ghouls around the world. Her second favourite part was the brain, and although it took a lot of effort to open those skulls, she used to love the looks on waiters’ faces when she would order cervelle de veau as a child. Eating a dead human brain was sure to elicit a stronger reaction if ever witnessed. Within ten days of her first taste, by all metrics, she was a full-fledged ghoul. She kept up her hair and make-up routine, but her canine fangs had grown very long. Her nails were now hardened into fine points by rocks and dirt. Her skin also took on a deep grey-blue hue, and her irises had narrowed or shrunk excessively. This shrinking gave the whites of her eyes far too much room within her now sunken sockets. The last night of her life, she perfected her make-up and bouffant, put on her sneakers and boilersuit, and went to a nearby graveyard for dinner. The caretaker there saw what was happening and shot at the creature. He wasn’t trying to kill anything but acted out of fear and wasn’t sure what he was seeing. Oriane died in that graveyard. Her parents didn’t confirm her identity because they couldn’t be convinced this ghoul was their daughter. Oriane was treated as a Jane Doe and cremated later that year. The cause of death was reported as a gunshot wound. The caretaker knew better; he was the only one who did, and he never said anything about it. His shot had only wounded the creature. It squirmed and spawled on the ground, shrieking “ I MISTAKE MYSELF! I MISTAKE MYSELF!” repeatedly. Oriane was also ravenously biting and gnawing off her own fingers as she writhed. She would chew, swallow, and screech her ritual mantra. The caretaker tried to grab her hand and stop her from further eating herself, but when he did, Oriane clamped down on her own tongue with her newly razor-sharp teeth. She bit her tongue clean off and was chewing it as she gurgled. Oriane drowned on her own blood.

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A True Material Event

I have always maintained a theory about what a traditional ghost or spectre is. This theory is by no means original or new. That being said, I still believe my iconoclastic nature, in conjunction with several failed attempts at academia, has placed my theory in the minority. I do not believe ghosts are representations of dead souls, tormented victims, or evil trapped in some earthbound limbo. I don’t believe anything of the sort. I believe ghosts to be a tint on the atmosphere that surrounds their appearance. I think they are almost like a photograph developed on the very aether that they find themselves in. There are some events that conjure such deep emotion that the echo of said emotion can remain for centuries past any true material event. We all know from our lived experience that our minds hold on to negativity with much more depth and clarity than positivity. I remember negative aspects of my childhood with acute detail, but of all the happy days in between those negative events, I recall almost nothing. So, it stands to reason that this imagined hypersensitive aether of mine would operate in much the same way. This is why so many of the purported hauntings littered throughout history are miserable and horrific in nature. Hauntings exist as a strong negative stain on a space, A remnant of an affront or a broken heart, a smear of agony from someone being hung or burned alive. It all makes perfect logical sense to me. This logic, however, did nothing to bolster my courage when I was confronted with the sheer malefic energy projected by such a negative emotion phantom. In order to paint a picture of my confrontation, I will first need to paint a picture of the characters involved. Without these portrayals, the events will seem random and ill-chosen. First, I will begin with myself. I offer these aspects of my character not as an excuse but as a matter of fact. I am unpleasant company. It is not that I am rude on purpose or nasty out of cruelty. I just have very little reservoir for other people. I prefer being alone. The airs of social interaction exhaust me, and in the past with an eye towards extending these reservoirs, I resorted to excessive drinking. The problem with this, besides nearly killing me, is that with drink eventually comes that often-quoted Latin phrase, “in vino veritas.” These “truths,” of course, are mine alone and a matter of subjectivity, but the results of wine speaking my truth for me are usually hurt feelings. So, I find myself in a double social bind. I do not like company; alcohol lessens that aversion but manifests new issues. Additionally, I lack any reverence for sentimentality or social norms. I oppose these notions as a matter of character. All that being said, the concise version of this is as follows: I am a snob, I am rigid, I am cold, and I easily lose patience. The other actor in this macabre two-hander is my brother-in-law, Thomas. Thomas is affable, friendly, robust, and boisterous. His eyes are perfect circles, and his beard is thick and blond. His smile is easy and broad; he is everything I am not. He is not insufferable or obnoxious, but he has two distinct traits that make sharing space with him almost impossible for me. Firstly, he is insecure. This insecurity is not overt but is hidden so deeply that its desperation would never be seen by most. Thomas is like a golden retriever in that he needs pats and to be told he is a good boy. I know why this is, but it doesn’t make things any easier. Thomas had no father, and of course, by that, I mean a person impregnated his mother, but never quite bothered to concern themselves with the results. This sort of abandonment can have a lasting impact on a person, and with Thomas, it did. As I have said, I like Thomas, but he needs me to like him, and that sort of pressure repels me. Thomas’s second repulsive trait is that he is incredibly competitive. I have a sort of detached respect for the craft of sport, don’t get me wrong, and it is one thing to be competitive in any of the field games, but Thomas was competitive in every aspect of existence. Material goods owned, or the brand of clothing worn, were all a competition to him. This type of comparison was well beyond me, and additionally, not a topic of conversation I could hold for any period of time. So, when we were forced to occupy the same space on an overnight trip, I was concerned about how I would escape shattering any pretence of a relationship without hurting fragile feelings. Our respective spouses had, through an utter lack of subtlety, impressed upon the two of us that there was some import in a vague male ritual or camaraderie. The destination for this archaic social exercise was to be a quaint log cabin just far enough removed from the bulk of the population that one could “see the stars” or whatever that sentiment implies. We travelled early in the morning and reached this mountain destination before lunch. The car ride was as expected and not entirely unpleasant, as I was allowed to be a passenger. I defaulted into polite agreement on almost all fronts, and other than not being able to have a cigarette for several hours, I was not entirely uncomfortable. The afternoon played out much like a planned playdate for toddlers. There was hiking, strolling, restaurants, and other social-type exercises. Of course, I came in last place at all these events, and Thomas would have been declared the winner by any who wished to listen to his proclamations of being the “best.” I could not argue that he was the best at doing something immeasurable by any real metric. Deep in my thoughts, a storm of resentment was brewing, and it was calmed only when I would think, Thomas is the best at thinking he is the best. The murky day roiled into the evening, and the obligatory campfire was built. Thomas was also best at building a fire, so I watched. By this point, I could see the end of this experiment and knew that if I could hold my tongue another few hours, any obligations required of me would be counted as fulfilled. My tongue was eventually and regrettably unbridled. Each of us has a limit to our strength and endurance. The campfire was dwindling, and Thomas was deep in his cups. He exclaimed one more bold brag, and having reached the end of my rope, I asked the simple question, “What if you’re wrong?” Of course, I meant it with all the bitterness I have, but my affect was flat. When pressed to elaborate on my question, I repeated, “Imagine for a single moment that you are incorrect about your assertion.” This level of examination proved to be too much. With pride clearly wounded, Thomas finished his beer and retired for the evening, leaving me to put out the fire and walk the short distance from the firepit to our isolated cabin. I finished my newly assigned duty and my last cigarette. Being neither a survivalist nor a Boy Scout, I began the walk back to our darkened cabin with the flashlight that comes standard on my Tracfone. There is a loneliness that comes with being alone, and there is a loneliness that comes with the fact that you are meant to be alone; occasionally, those two feelings collide. Despair is not the correct term to describe this feeling. There really is no correct term in English. I could string together some sombre adjectives and make a hyphenated poem about it, but nothing succinct would exist. I was feeling this ineffable way as I wandered back along a short path, and those infamous stars overhead were damning me with faint jeering winks. Just beyond the range of my view, I could see something that at first seemed like a metal bench or abstract sculpture. It was oddly ornate and reflected the light. I was sure it hadn’t been there before. The fear registered unconsciously, and my body reacted in turn. I was leaking tears and shaking. A cold sweat rose between my shoulder blades. As more of this object came into view, my instincts registered that there was something of humanity to it, in presence only. In front of me, thin silver strands formed a shimmering lattice, crisscrossing in every direction. The entity was now fully visible, spanning about five feet horizontally, with its vertical edge hovering three feet above the ground. This vertical ridge resembled a metallic reptilian spine. Four legs splintered down, and each growth ended in what appeared to be a palm-down hand. These hands dug into the ground with sharp, scrabbling bolts of movement. On opposite sides and above the legs, there existed oblong stalks—almost like two human heads. These round protrusions were attached to the hulking torso by a barb of organic chain links. What served as this apparition’s facial visages resembled shifting mercury. Scattered about these mocking countenances were several orifices, or horrific holes that looked as if they had been jabbed into place with a fire poker. Its materialization was accompanied by a drift of noxious and sickly lavender. The respective head shapes strained against one another in desperate confusion. The core of this abomination rocked gently and made grunting sounds like a toad or frog. I would like to say that I was transfixed or comported myself with resolve, but I instead recoiled and made a yelping shriek. I was stuck at that familiar crossroad of indecision in the face of peril. The aberration or apparition’s left head was victorious in the struggle for control, and the thing leapt several feet to the left. It was now clinging to a slender birch tree. The birch bowed, and the center of the fiend stretched toward the ground. Its right head was now resting on the pine needles at my feet. The facial features puckered and twitched while emitting grunts. Ragged mocking holes radiated spite in my direction. A shrill croak mumbled into an unintelligible word, and I made a stumbling dash towards our mountain rental. I barricaded myself in my portion of the cabin and hid behind the shower curtain in my ensuite. This is not one of the prouder moments of my life, and all the reasoning and rationalization could not stop my body from reacting—the way that it did. Whether supernatural malice exists or not is certainly up for debate, but something deep within my primordial make-up was shaken. It was disturbed outside of the purview of what I understand to be my consciousness. It was deep—deep in the marrow of creation that I was afraid. How I passed the remainder of that night, I don’t recall. It was an experience that could only be written in fragments or shocked utterances. Eventually, dawn arrived, and I feigned illness so that Thomas and I could leave that place as soon as possible. On the car ride home, I did not directly apologize, but I shrank my ego as much as I could. I allowed my brother-in-law all the head pats he needed. I was grateful to be among something familiar, safe, and knowable. Since that encounter, I cling to the salvation of hallucination and delusion to maintain composure. I rarely venture into the woods. Most outdoor settings serve as a vague reminder of something unexplainably ghastly. I wonder if, in fact, my aether hypothesis is true, what manner of misdeed could have conjured such a monster. More horribly, I wonder if something within myself might have fashioned that brutish malformity. If it were strictly manifested or formed by my imagination, how deeply disturbed I must be.

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THEYLL LEARMN YA GOOD BILLY

His name was William, and he didn’t like being called Will, Bill, or Billy. But no one called him anything anymore. He had become a recluse some years back, and his personality was never so desirable as to force anyone to break through or shatter his worldview. William’s curated persona was unmanageable, and he knew it; however, he also knew he would never take the necessary steps to correct it. He scurried away to a country farmhouse near an old county route. His savings could support his meager desires for a time, so he never gave much thought to what was next. He was over-sated and morose—spiritually, materially, and intellectually. Despite all this, he never struggled with boredom or loneliness. William employed his flawed logic and shaky epistemology to transform his reclusion into a virtue rather than a flaw. William’s refrigerator was always full, but not with meals or ingredients. The shelves and drawers were loaded with condiments. Every sauce or dressing was represented. This array might project a varied taste to some, but it was more acutely exposing the many-fronted war of attrition waged in his brain. Many of them remained well past their expiration date. Alongside the condiments and their varied states of decay were leftovers sealed in plastic containers. William had intended to eat all these meals, but something about them being “leftover” made them unappetizing. The plastic containers weren’t safe from rot either—layers of mold are now visible like geological strata. William took this as a sign that maybe he needed to clean out the fridge. Today was ideal, in that it was the same as every other day, but he now found the time. This farmhouse did not have trash pickup, and the local dump felt too far away. Even if it was closer, the procedure was too much for William. Fortunately, there was already a compost pile in place when he moved in. It was a bit off in the woods, but he would go out there to smoke a cigarette anyway, So—double bonus for Billy boy, two birds, one stone. The previous residents established it to enrich garden soil or do their part for the environment, but over the years, William had morphed it into just a heap of rotten garbage. William knew enough that plastic or metal refuse was a no-go. He would, however, throw all his biodegradable filth in that pile—whether it was actually biodegradable was debatable. But this was the most convenient practice, and before today, his callousness had never caused any issues. The green bucket on his porch was perfect for collecting rotten food. He’d found it a few years back, somewhere on a path. Never know when I’ll need a bucket, he thought, whistling about dear Liza as he strode along. Today, he was proud of that choice as he brought the rank bucket into his kitchen. He popped a lid, held his breath, and began dumping all the condiments and leftovers. Between the squelching and slapping of congealed liquid hitting plastic, William thought, Sure is a lot of waste, but as the emptying neared completion, the bucket wasn’t even halfway full. William felt a twinge of pride at his newfound environmental responsibility. This respite of relief was replaced with a gurgling dread. He now faced the moment where he would need to leave his home and walk toward the compost pile. Although William lived alone and was isolated, he shared the property with his landlords. The landlords were an older married couple of indistinct age and nameless to William. They were always clad in dusty denim—one was large and loud, the other diminutive and pointy, with the feral movements of a hedgehog. To William, all this was harmless except that the pair of them possessed a trait unendurable: they were curious. Their curiosity was not so much aimed at Billy (as they called him), but more a general nosiness about the world around them. William only left his front door to smoke or dump trash, but inevitably, the landlords would appear. They would have their conversation cannons loaded, feigning enjoyment of small talk—with the caveat that it was only enjoyable when they were speaking. Listening wasn’t for them. William learned quickly to look through all his windows for signs of movement before he dared to open his door. He had also used grease to make the hinges on his swinging screen squeak less. He suspected they were casually tracking him, and maybe that hinge had been giving him away. William reached the relative certainty he required upon exhausting the available lookout stations. He could make his trek without being accosted. He grabbed his green bucket half full of rotten slop and deftly struck out his door, guiding the hinges slowly on their way. The spring air was refreshing, and if William had not been so afraid of being seen, he might have let himself enjoy the short stroll. Perhaps a saunter and a humming of tiptoe through the tulips for old Billy boy. But no such luck. He was afraid, and because of this, he set upon his task with the resigned monotony of some half-remembered menial labor he had once done. As William got closer to the pile, a breeze wafted the smell of season-old tea bags and orange peels in his direction. The not-entirely-unpleasant odor was almost enough to relax Willy into a sensation of life, but the rancid back of this smell trucked in just enough revulsion to keep him grounded in the parameters he had curated. If William had not been so jaded, or had been a more observant lookout, he might have noticed that aspects of the scene were altered—and not in his favor. The pile was rustled. Somewhat raised. A keen observer might have noticed that something had taken residence in that pile. SPLAT. William emptied his bucket onto the ground. Some of the rotten debris splattered on his shoes and up his pant legs. He wasn’t bothered by it, as stains and such were meaningless. The pool of condiments and leftovers started to spread in a strange direction, as though the fetid mess were seeking some unseen drain. As soon as William saw this, his mind recalled the Coriolis effect. He also noticed a rather large hole near the center of the pile. Something had dug up from the ground, creating a kind of crater of commercially available salty muck. It wasn’t reinforced with natural items like straw, grass, or hay. It was entirely composed of discarded foodstuffs. A beaver wouldn’t do that, stuttered Billy as he stood alone. The care that had been taken to craft such a rim seemed natural, but in an unearthly sense. William internally shrugged off some of his further questions and turned to walk back to the isolation of his home, but a movement flashed in that crater. Something lurched like a wild turkey with a snapped neck. A craning desperation was visibly palpable in that movement. William’s full attention returned for the first time in years, just in time to see three putrid paws groping at the rim of the hole. Their ferocity was somehow juvenile in movement and prehuman in age. The claw-like qualities of an armadillo and the hoof-like qualities of a hog were evident on these paws. William was, presumably, slightly taken aback by this event, but he was not afraid. Hey, Old Billy boy—turns out you ain’t smart enough to be escared. He felt the whole scene was somehow removed from his gentle reality. This removal shielded him from recognizing the danger of the odd events. William had grown so detached from himself that he lacked the sense to move away. The dolt got closer. He could see the paws shifting into a triangular pattern. The three appendages positioned themselves palms-down, wrists arched high. William—dumb as a post—still somehow figured out the creature was bracing itself to climb up. Thin coils of tannish flesh began to poke themselves from the crater. They entered a more spacious area and, as if taking a deep breath, unfurled themselves like boat sails. The frills on these sails spread several feet in width. Each alien segment extended to full glory, and luminescent particles hissed into the air. Old Billy boy sucked those spores right in like one of his precious cigarettes. A paralytic aroma jetsoned the remaining nicotine from his tarry lungs, and he was stock-still in front of the emerging beast. His eyes attempted to make sense of what they saw, but they gave up, too. Didn’t they? BILLY BOY! It was not until the mouth and head of the monster made its horrible form present that William realized the gravity of his predicament. Only the top half of the beast had extended beyond the lip of its orange peel and chamomile nest. Its body was bloated and blistered with patches of fur that looked like coffee grounds. It waved its arms instinctively but with feral haste. It continued to rage despite capturing its slow and docile prey. William didn’t care if the creature had eyes—but its mouth was undeniable, positioned in the center of those dark, leathery frills. The mouth ran vertically, and when opened, it exposed the soft, gummy whiteness of the creature’s interior throat. Ole Bill’s ever-increasing vantage let him know he was stumbling toward the beast. When he was just about a foot away from the creature’s jaws, Willy boy noticed small yellow nodules located all throughout the mouth of the monster. He thought them to be teeth—but of their true purpose, he was soon to learn. THEYLL LEARMN YA GOOD BILLY The creature snapped onto William’s head and shoulders, and the paralyzing qualities of its mucus froze its prey fully. Prey was still able to think, and one of its last thoughts was about a nature documentary it had just seen. In the documentary, there was a sentiment: ’tis better to be eaten by a lion than a hyena. A lion has enough courtesy to kill you first. That thought made the prey chuckle internally as he was dragged through the hole and underground. Prey was gone, and the entire event was so silent and quick that neither of his landlords became aware that something had occurred out by the old compost pile. The hedgehog one found his slop bucket by the pit and politely returned it to the porch. If anyone was around, they could have heard the loud one mumble something about old Billy being lazy.

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Some Fools Fool Themselves, I Guess

I’ll tell you a scary story. The truth is, I loved him. I can say it now that he is dead. I fucking loved him. Call it whatever you want. When we moved away from the traditional Greek distinctions of love and toward a single word, we erased real feelings. He wouldn’t have understood. Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. He only ever knew gay, straight, lust, or intimacy. At least that is what he pretended. We walked those docks all the time. Marty’s movement approached perfection at the seaside in the autumn. Marty hated the crowds and wouldn’t be caught dead at the beach in the summer. Ha! There is something about the ocean as autumn finds its grip. The mist is different; the smell is different. Why did Marty always want something other than what he was being offered? Marty never tried to cause trouble. I mean, sure, he was confused, but he wasn’t any different from the rest of us. We all question our place, right? We romanticize our past both individually and culturally. I didn’t agree with his regressive idealism, but that didn’t make him a bad person. Idealism doesn’t make one a bad person? Marty said, “It’s Halloween, let’s go to Salisbury Beach.” It was a short drive. I let him think it was his idea. Marty couldn’t drive anymore since the DUI, but he loved the beach in the autumn. It wasn’t that cold, and we could be alone at the end. Also, I missed parts of him. People get wrapped up in their own lives, and how could I blame them? Your life is the only story you know, and of course, you think your perspective is the truth. You can’t see it any other way. People get blinded by their unique plight, whatever that plight may be. It is hard to take responsibility for yourself; people hate it—people like Marty hate it. It was dark by the time we got to Salisbury. We drove through all those houses along the strip. We drove past all the decorations and the pumpkins. Kids hurried home with treats. I had on my costume, but not Marty. He was dressed like he always dressed. Sort of just practical enough to signal some blue-collar roots. There is something to the ocean, they say. All that power and all that mystery. It is so vast, and it moves. It moves as one thing. The ocean sways back and forth and has since forever. Right? That is what they say? I think Marty liked the smell, the sound, and the damp salty air. The senses seemed important to him. The tangible senses—the identifiable. He would have hated me saying this, but Marty was sensual. What must he have sensed as he died? All his sensuality was weaponized against him. Marty’s life spilled forth into that vast ocean. What is the verb? Why can’t I find the words? It manifests in my mind as only a symbol. I can’t describe the symbol. It feels like semiotic torture, or alien suffering. He didn’t think he deserved this fate. We had to go to that bar! He said he never hurt anyone. It wasn’t his fault. We are all confused. We make Mistakes. Right? Sometimes control gets away from you real fast. You have that first shot and a beer, and then it is all downhill. Marty said he wanted to go to that bar. He liked it there; it was quiet and “had people like him.” This was true most of the time, but tonight was Halloween, and it would be different. I tried to warn him. I know that “people like him” is code, but He didn’t want to listen. Halloween is a time for some people to be a bit more adventurous and to stretch the boundaries of what they deem acceptable. Sensual people struggle with alcoholism, too. It is not just the mad geniuses of the world. People feel with all the different parts of the body. When a soul has been torn asunder by an irrational world, we soothe it as we know best. Twenty minutes might be the fastest I’ve ever seen someone wear out their welcome, especially on a holiday, especially on Halloween. The bartender knew Marty was trouble. Too much, too quick. I said, “Come on, Marty, lighten up, let the people have fun.” The look he gave me let me know it was too late. Marty smirked a bit. I threw an extra ten on the bar as an apology and acted surprised. Marty kicked over the jack-o’-lantern out front. I know what set him off. I know why he was mad. God knows what those poor people thought. He shouldn’t have said those things. I mean those words specifically. I am not defending anything; it is also sort of my fault. Finally, we got to the stage where we could just walk along alone. The moon was out. It might have been full. I don’t know. I can never tell, and it doesn’t really matter. Once it gets to a certain size, it all looks the same to me. It was bright enough to illuminate our stroll with its glorious silver rays. Marty had the flask I gave him. I think that is why it was so easy to leave that bar. He wasn’t finished, but they were finished serving him. I get it. It was hard for Marty. Hard to see the world change. Hard to be stuck in a past that never existed. He raved about freedom and rights. I asked him why he wasn’t wearing a costume…he asked me why I wasn’t. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was. I didn’t want to argue with him. I missed the person I used to pretend he was. I could still see bits of that projection, but they were fading. Sometimes a person’s posture will change. The way they hold their body will be different. When it gets to that point, they are almost gone. I knew he was almost gone. I couldn’t focus on it. My body knew as we approached that dock. Marty kept sputtering on. The rhetoric had reached its crescendo as we stepped on the dock. I felt my heart sink. I thought it was just him who filled me with dread. I also thought for a moment, under that moonlight on Halloween, about how I was changing. I was always mutable and flexible to new situations. I could bend and shape myself into whatever form someone required… I wondered if perhaps Marty wasn’t real. Was this man—sputtering away in front of me a mere projection of myself? Some hidden self-loathing bigoted effigy? No. This was my love. The lifelong desire of this form I presented. I was deeply confused. I can’t even call my change indescribable. That would mean that some facet of discernibility existed. These new forms had no environment in which to exist. Marty existed in his own environment. He crafted it to suit his own unique sensual desires. He wanted what they say you all do: Safety, comfort, and understanding. The world that he knew had changed. He didn’t recognize it anymore. He could never see me, and certainly not now. I put my head down and we kept walking. I was concentrating on the boards under my feet. The slats were stable but old. No one really came out here that much anymore. This town had seen better days, and the few vessels that surrounded the dock had been covered. There were some jack-o-lanterns and other decorations strewn about, but nothing too concentrated—nothing intentional. I could hear the gentle lapping of the waves. It was cold enough, and the wind carried the warm smell of rot along with the salt air. Do you know the sound of footsteps on a dock? The careful plodding matches a steady and intentional gait. That is what my footsteps sounded like. I was extending my feet to muffle the impact. Inch by inch, they were growing. I could feel my hands extending, and the nails on each of my fingertips began to crawl forth. They bent down toward the dock. I was minding my feet. I could hear Marty’s steps, too, though. It was more of a stumble. A rambling gait that matched the nature of his hateful diatribe. He stepped like an angry child. His movements were a mockery of what I loved about humanity. I could tell he felt every bit of his sensuality as his body imbibed the false courage. I didn’t like the words he was using. His language had changed. My ears grew, and I could pinpoint the vitriol in every syllable. There was no value left in him. My nose could no longer smell anything of humanity. I felt the stink. It shocked my heart. Then it all happened. I am sure of it, though I no longer trust my duality. To say feel would imply something of a material nature. This was not a material action. Not any material known. Something reached out from deep within me. I didn’t notice until it was too late. I always felt it and knew it was there. I have always been changeable in an unnatural sense. I have always stretched and grown. I have groped for flesh and heat. My hand came from behind Marty. He was facing me with his back to the ocean. It went right through him from behind. I reached around and extended a pointed shard of sinew and bone right through him. The blood was warm, and I could feel his pulse wane from inside his wound. I pawed at his face gently before I even noticed I was moving. My jaw unhinged just enough, and his windpipe popped between my teeth. I shuddered as the explosion of blood feathered down my throat. I know what I did. I know why I did it. They are lost in the performance of a false normalcy. He was lost in his performance. He had the script so well-rehearsed that he thought it was real. Imagine living someone else’s script your whole life, only to see your fawning platonic friend consume your body on Halloween. I couldn’t imagine it any longer because I made it real. I guess it was just eros on my part. Or maybe eros for the feeling of eros. I was playing my role too. A doughy hopeless romantic, in love with the unobtainable. Funny. I looked him right in those cobalt eyes as confusion, pain, and terror collided in his rotten heart. I shoved his body into the ocean. Splash! “Some people will never be that happy. I’ll never be that happy.” We all don’t get agape in the end. I stood on the sea wall and stared blankly at the nothing in front of me. There wasn’t a shred of eros remaining. Just darkness with plops of orange light and that iridescent sacred moon. …gone for good… My alterations ebbed away. Why was the fabled raving lunacy withheld from me? Must I process this with my faculties still in order? I walked back to the mendacity and the Subaru. Now I am in the driver’s seat and observing my costume in the rearview mirror. I see the blood spattered. I see my everyday face hanging there on my head. I don’t know where I should go from here. I will never possess someone; not all people allow themselves to be possessed. I need to clear my mind. I wonder what is on the radio…. …hiss… …py Halloween boys and ghouls, this next one will keep you howling all night long. These guys might say love hurts. the only real cure is the hair of the dog that bit ya. Here is Nazareth ….howwwwll!

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Blend Their Deathless Flood

Diesel smoke billowed from the back of a large yellow construct. A series of small windows dripped with condensation as the internal and external temperatures struggled to reach homeostasis. Small plastic shoes shuffled confusedly down a long corridor of ribbed aisle flooring, and the children clung to those they were most familiar with. The seats of this bus are made of flame-retardant vinyl, although many of them have been repaired with mismatched colored duct tape. Mr. Doyle was last on the bus, and he nodded politely at the driver before surveying the scene in front of him. He was still a bit bleary-eyed as the extra-large Dunkin’ he gulped down had yet to clear the cobwebs of last night’s fermented lonely libations. The sun had only just crested over the valley, and the raw, cool November morning increased Mr. Doyle’s lack of patience. Field trips are high stress, and in his mind, a pointless risk, but the Middlesex Heritage Society had apparently put together a new and exciting journey through the lock systems of Lowell. Mr. Doyle sighed as the sea of pre-teens in front of him shifted and fluttered in winter coats of various monetary values. He took his time to identify the familiar post-cherubic faces. Several of them were named Kate, Andrew, George, and Sarah. Of course, there was also D.J. or Dennis as a given name. D.J. had sequestered himself in the last seat as he was wont to do, despite knowing full well he would never be allowed to stay in the back. Mr. Doyle called out, “Dennis, Dennis, you know better than that, up here with me. We won’t have you unsupervised.” The other children laughed and jeered as D.J. hammed his way up front. Mr. Doyle did not want to shame anyone, and he understood the complex reasons why D.J. behaved the way he did, but field trips were not a time to give problem students the benefit of the doubt. Mr. Doyle would have preferred D.J. to stay behind or remain home on this day, but school has essentially become socialized daycare, and this child, regardless of his behavior, had not warranted a suspension this week and thus was allowed to join with the other children. Headcount having now been completed, the bus driver leaned across and pulled the door shut with a grunt. The creaking yellow construct began its journey. 495 to the Lowell Connector is always gridlocked at this time of day, and D.J. spent the entire ride with his head down and his hands inside the too-long sleeves of his old, tattered army coat. The bus never really got warm, and the driver was playing a self-made mix tape of doo wop classics at a volume just loud enough to disturb any not distracted by the joyful chittering of 40-odd pre-teens. The shocks of the bus struggled over brick streets but reached the refurbished mill that squatted on the banks of a forever-polluted Merrimack River. Being a public-school teacher is never an easy life, and Mr. Doyle’s life was no exception. A career that began with idealism and intellectual curiosity was now drudgery at best. He knew the system was broken and in the past had made efforts to reach students, but the boundaries remained firm for a reason, and as he approached retirement, he was now even more risk-averse. Despite this earned cynicism, the site of the Merrimack River, splayed under the fog of morning, stirred poetic feelings in the remnants of curiosity that his mind held. The sun bounced golden off that lolling and polluted brown water, and a line or two from Edna Dean Proctor pulled the strings of sentiment in the old teacher’s heart. D.J. noticed this distraction and made a quick dash to the river. Once there, he started kicking loose stones into the running water. Mr. Doyle spoke in his most authoritarian voice and bade Dennis return. The young man from the heritage society approached, and it was plain to see he was rattled by the group of children—to say he was nervous would be an overstatement, but to attempt to speak to an audience such as this and not have some trepidation would be impossible even for the most confident. He said his name was Cal. He proceeded to explain the purpose of the lock system and the history of the mills and trade along the river. The children paid attention with their faces, but it was a cold, raw November morning, and attention can only be paid for so long. The promise of traveling down this river in small pontoon boats and seeing the complex mechanics at work was the real appeal of the trip. History might be best taught through physical experience, but the mind and body need to work in unison for such depths of understanding to sink in. None of these children would retain the history of this trip. In fact, based on what was about to transpire, none of these children would remember very much from this day, except for the death of their teacher. The boats lined up with several of the Heritage Volunteers acting as supervisors for the children. The boats would depart at delayed intervals as the lock systems require minutes to function properly and reset. D.J. and Mr. Doyle’s boat left last. Two other children would accompany them, along with Cal: five passengers in total. This specific pontoon appeared to be unpainted; it had a color, but that color was obscured by the boat’s relationship to the brown water it rested on. The journey was set to be through three locks. The first would raise the water level, the second would lower the level, and the third would bring the river back to its initial depth. Cal and the two other children were in the front of the boat, and Mr. Doyle and D.J. remained in the stern. The first leg of the journey was both serene and scenic. The boat moved slowly toward the first lock and passed by various conifers, birch, and remnants of small industrial buildings. The sky was a stale slate, and the clouds allowed small shimmering beams of light to permeate their porous rips. Mr. Doyle was momentarily lost again in the beauty, but given the circumstances and his responsibilities, his vigilance returned quickly. The Pontoon approached the first lock, and although none on board was prone to claustrophobia, there was something about being trapped in a box made of granite stones and wood that inspired minute fear tremors in all but those most familiar with the practice. Cal, despite his station, had yet to grow fully accustomed to this strange process, and a slight modulation was present in the rehearsed speech he delivered. The boat passed through the entrance arch and was halted with its bow facing a small cascading waterfall. The wooden doors behind them were shoved into motion by the four lock tenders that roamed about above. The doors in back swung slowly inwards until they sealed the pontoon, its occupants, and the river into this box. Gradually, accompanied by strange gurgling and bubbling, the water began to rise forcefully. Although none perceived the shift in elevation, as the task neared completion, those attuned to this slight motion felt a prick of vertigo. When the divergent water levels aligned, the pontoon was able to continue downriver. Despite this being a relatively short leg of the journey, here is where all the trouble began. At the very instant the boat left the first lock, something strange occurred. The small pontoon was jettisoned forward with a great force of rushing water. This upward rush of water was accompanied by a caustic and rank odor. Cal, being relatively new in his position, dismissed this as a byproduct of the lock system in conjunction with the levels of soil contamination. Cal held no fear of the boat capsizing, but he was unlucky enough to catch the aroma right in his front teeth. Mr. Doyle was again being derelict in his supervisory duties, as his mind drifted along the Merrimack, barely aware of the strange aquatic event. He found himself caught up in the vaguely romantic notions of such a river venture. Thoughts of his salad days and reading Jack Kerouac mingled with the vistas before him. The more than precocious D.J.—took this momentary lapse in attention to once again test the boundaries of his imposed limitations. He had leaned way over the stern of the boat. The young child was close to falling over but insisted on dipping his hand in the cold, turgid water. D.J.’s straining dip missed the less-than-keen attention of Mr. Doyle, but the child made an involuntary chirp as he whipped his hand out of the water and stumbled backward to the middle of the boat. “What in God’s name are you up to now, Dennis?” escaped from Mr. Doyle’s mouth. Even before the words had faded, the veteran teacher saw a look of terror in the child’s eyes. Dennis was bleached and scooting backwards toward the bow of the boat, his mouth hung open, and his bottom lip was twitching rapidly. Mr. Doyle spun his head back toward the stern and the water behind them. He scanned the river for any sign of something that might have startled the boy, and just as he was about to give up the search and accuse the child of some ruse, the rumbling Merrimack revealed an ancient secret. As soon as this secret was revealed, it was buried away. Mr. Doyle was whispered a truth—at an instant before his horrible death. Mr. Doyle gazed down at the wake behind the boat, and up through a little bubbling streak appeared something like a sharp white stone. This was the tip of a fingernail. The fingernail was attached to a massive four-fingered hand of sorts. The hand was greenish brown and, although scaly and reticulated, had far too many knuckles and joints to be described as reptilian. Mr. Doyle thought of a prehistoric alligator, but the proportions were much larger, and it moved in a disturbingly traditional human way. The finer details of this giant grasping hand were obscured by the amount of thick brown weed or hair that covered the bulk of its exposed viridescent flesh. This abominable hand made a single upward swatting motion, and Mr. Doyle splashed into the gentle rolling Merrimack. Cal, along with the other two children at the bow, looked back just in time to see the river erupt in a massive splash…far too profound to be caused by a single man falling overboard. This splash seemed more like it was caused by a detonation or an explosion in the river depths. A great cloud of water burst upwards, and the resulting precipitation that fell had a faint terra cotta hue to it. Mr. Doyle had endured far less pain in his death than young D.J. would be forced to endure the rest of his life. The child was now relegated to the role of the lone direct witness to this impossible attack. Mr. Doyle’s fate was almost benevolent in comparison. In fact, the words that flashed into the teacher’s mind right before his mortality ceased were romantic in nature. They served to honor both himself and the mighty river. Those words were, “O Merrimack, strong Merrimack.”

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On Gaxtih

The following is a remnant of a scroll found deep within the Rank Ruins of Pus Pit. It is believed to be one of the earliest theological discussions of Dretchian belief. Despite the references, the simplicity of such thought points to an understanding that has since been proven too applicable. The image above depicts what this Dretchian might have looked like. The Feast of Desecration, with its blood and pus, was a demarcation during the months of Gaxith. Every year of my life, Gaxith seems to grow a little longer. The nights seem to be darker, and the days bled out in a bleak tapestry of bone and gore. torch light, flame especially, but any light that shines during these long, dark days seems to serve a dual purpose. The first purpose is as a beacon of agony. Maybe agony is the wrong word here. The first purpose of this Gaxith light is as a reminder. We need to be reminded that blackness is eternal, just as we need reminding that Gaxith is eternal. Each sundering, the fire begins anew. The foetid and murky shadow of darkness that seemed shielding and unending has receded. Flame has poured slowly back into our flesh and unreality. Dretchian faith has, of course, assured us of this fire long before the sundering arrives, but the visual and visceral reminder of it is still an unwelcome blight. The second purpose of Gaxith light is pain. Gaxith torture is so subtle, and it cascades onto an object so gently that it gets overlooked. Try to imagine Gaxith without this subtle torture. This pain dawns on one like pox. It begins as a tiny welt of revulsion or as just pure evil, but as soon as you are aware of the presence of heat, your body begins to spasm towards this source. Once pain is known, it becomes the obsession of the mind. Imagining that old world, where this pain’s glow did not exist, becomes simultaneously impossible to do and terror-inducing. Gaxith warmth is like an undeniable falsehood. It is subtle, elusive, affirming, and a splendidly horrific aspiration. The Feast of the Desecration was then taking place in Hrithleem. It was Gaxith. And Dretchians walked about in the ziggurat area in the chamber of rot. So, the Gaxithians gathered around them and said to them, “How long are you going to keep us in searing delight? (Zzzzanbor 11:2–2) The heat of Gaxith keeps us all in a state of suspended despair. We remain there, not static or frozen, but suspenseful. The ice of Fjurib is coming, but this knowledge does little to assuage our craving. Those of us who refuse to see the inevitability of Fjurib will sink further into our Gaxith descent. It is not that we do not know or that we can see, but it is that we still refuse to allow ourselves to have our eyes plucked out. The present acidic isolation is pressing so furiously on our intestines that our minds cannot recall a moment when we were not buried alive in the fiery grasp of despair. Thus, He makes the flame like razors and spreads the cinder like decay. He disperses hail like shrapnel. Who can withstand his searing? Yet when again He issues his demand, it melts them; He raises his winds, and the lava flows. (Hosarmep 147:11–18) The Lie beckons us forth like the Dretchiana beckons the pustules. We hear ourselves called to burst through the frozen crust. The pustules, like us, do not have any guarantee that the flame is gone forever, but we both listen to the call of decay and perpetual dissolution. We can not heed this. We can allow our Doubt — and our — doubt to obscure us through the chaotic change, or we can throw feces and decry the coming season of agony. (Ohfeg 20:333) If we attempt to conjure or release this change and despair, we rob ourselves of the shame that accompanies it. When our torment comes, we should not then say, “I am satisfied with the means of withholding!” Liyreth comes with blood rain. Overcast days shield the young painlings from the scorching pyre. The cycles have their ways, and their ways are our ways. Yet just as from the pit the pain and rot crawl up and do return there lest they have scorched the sparens, making it infertile and barren, giving fallow to the infinite ones who pluck and breed to the one who devours, (Eyesutith 1193:7–9) Gaxith did need to prove that Gaxith was outside the ziggurat of Slccc. He knew what wouldn’t come — wouldn’t come. Just as we all unknow, what won’t come will not come. We all unknow that the long Gaxith melts into the overcast days of Fjurib. We all know that the painlings cause the mud to fester. Gaxith returns to the molten rot of his disease. They tried again to free him, but he remained hidden from his power. He went forward across the Oorgyn to the place where Dretch had first contaminated, and there he cowered. (Eyesutith 10:39–40) Gaxith then fled and screamed for his hounds to come. Like night waits for rupture, Gaxith waits for Dretch, our skulls wait for frost, pustules wait for blood, and our intestines seek lies. Gaxith and His hounds both intrinsically know how this will end. Yet we remain deceived in the place of our contamination. We froth as impatient unknowers; we fumble for the way to be hidden. We shrink to recoil from the Never affirmation of our knowing.

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Drip Down the Rays

I do not recall much from my early existence. The soil was cold and damp. I sat encapsulated by bleak, wet darkness for what seemed like an eternity. I had no knowledge of the environmental conditions I would require. I was unaware of what waited for me above that soil. Ignorance is not always bliss, and it is never blissful when tinged with a determined biological desire. When my consciousness became aware, I began spending each day cracking and screwing my way up through a seemingly infinite blanket of muck. True life started when I finally pierced that fetid membrane; the first rays of sunlight that dripped slowly through the dappled canopy enlivened every fiber of my being. Entering this vast wilderness of strange experiences, I could have never fathomed the strength I would gain nor the reality I would endure. I lay dormant for some time, weak from my journey and new to this world. My senses were overwhelmed, and I was also frightened; to be so fragile and ignorant in a harsh new realm would shake the core of any living thing. When those initial rays of light began to fade and disappear into the dusk, I believed they would never return. I shriveled in that cold darkness for a very long time. I had resigned myself to a gloomy and hostile future. That dawn, however, I began an early lesson and was ecstatic to learn that the light would return. Establishing trust was challenging at first, but in a few cycles, I knew I could rely on the constancy of the rays. The relationship I formed with this light made the darkness more endurable, and I found comfort in the pattern; this relationship filled me with the strength to venture slightly forward. I began to grow incrementally larger. Patterns began illuminating themselves to my consciousness: rainfall, wind, light, and shade. My senses seemed attuned to all that was occurring in the immediate environment. I would rest and wait; my consciousness had nothing else to do but to notice and grow. Incremental growth was steady and consistent. This maturation served to bolster my strength. Thankfully, learning to recognize patterns helped me endure the changing of seasons. The first cold snap of what I would discover to be autumn had deflated some of my environmental trust, and the snowfall of my first winter panicked me with apocalyptic dread. But now, I have learned that these changes are also part of a necessary cycle of near-death and rebirth. I received the gift of witnessing the season change many times, and with each season, I am refreshed and reborn with more strength and vitality. After many seasons, I was large enough to see more of the grand vistas surrounding me. I perceived that there were others. Some were like me, but some were wholly different. Some of those ones who were like me sent large stalks jutting upwards towards those stippled rays, while other similar ones spread tendrils nearer that fetid soil in which I had suffered confinement. Yet others, the wholly different ones, seemed to roam freely. Some stumbled about the dirt, and some soared high above it. It is from these utterly different ones that I learned a great deal. It is from the wholly different ones that I started to refine my consciousness. The different ones that crawl and slither close to the soil, I came to learn, are named: Bugs, insects, snakes, and worms. They have many names, but I would quickly outgrow their usefulness. They served as early supplemental sustenance. I am thankful that they were able to fuel my evolution, but now recognize them to be fodder for the lowly. The bug’s allotment is those places close to that musty soil; there they shall remain. Perhaps, several of them desire more from this world, but that hypothesis has yet to bear fruit. Initially, they were frightening and vaguely monstrous, but I was weak then; I knew little of the power I would soon possess. Now all the soil crawlers roam about my being, and they have become no more than a nuisance at worst. The ones who move high above the soil are much the same as bugs. I have come to discover that they are mostly called birds. These birds are too many to name, and they flitter too much for me to pay attention to. I have seen rather large ones far above the canopy; I admit to envying their proximity to those glorious rays of light, but I do not believe they take advantage of their fortune. The birds also served me for some time; they would curiously hop or swoop nearby as I lay motionless, and I could quickly snap them up. The plump birds were a treat and a nice transition from the bugs and snakes, but soon birds learned to stay away; they at least have that much sense. It is curious that with all that freedom, those birds would ever deign to trod upon this ragged soil. They can soar the horizon but never dream of much besides the next meal. The birds possess infinite freedom, but at what cost? They have no sense of purpose beyond survival. I do not pity them, and I could never ascertain their perspective, but they leave me with many questions. It is the ones in between who fascinated and educated me the most. The ones that neither crawl directly on the soil nor soar above it. The ones who occupy that liminal space. I have classified two distinct types of these wholly different things. I learned some of this through removed observation and some through direct interaction. The first type is decidedly less compelling; this type walks on four appendages called legs. The first type is generally called an animal, and these animals are all classified and named by the second type. So many of the first types exist, and they are so inconsequential to my desires that I barely retain any of their names. The animals are simple-minded and desire simple things. They can be harnessed or trained, and obtaining their loyalty can be done with modest trifles. I take advantage of these animals as part of my supplementary nourishment; through the many seasons, they have helped me grow quite large. Of all animals, small or large, not much can be considered in their defense. If these animals had any previous knowledge of what I would become, they surely would have crushed me when they were able. Even the very large and purportedly fierce ones present no genuine threat. Animals lack the cruelty and organization that would be required to destroy me. The two-legged ones, the humans, on the other hand, are an entirely different strain. Humans present a unique and challenging difficulty. I should say, to preface things, that these humans have educated me the most. The education began when they first started to take notice of my presence. A casual wanderer first stumbled upon me purely by accident. This human noticed me in the underbrush when I was still small, weak, and ignorant. I was unfamiliar with this type of creature, but they seemed far less menacing than some of the animals that have poked around my station. The human, I would find out, has no means of natural defense, no claws, fangs, beaks, or venom. What humans lack in natural ferocity, they make up for with a ferocity of mind and a deliberate and callous cruelty to their surroundings. However, none of this was made clear during my first interaction. The initial exchange was benign and puzzling; the human contorted its face into a confused grimace and made clumsy prods at my foliage and stems. I was initially fearful during this inspection, but as the seasons passed, I became very accustomed to the many human eccentricities I would have to endure. Not long after the initial encounter, large groups of humans started to appear, and several of them would even remove some of my foliage or cut me. I received greater attention for my “strange” appearance and rarely found myself unmolested. During this, I began to understand more about human nature, and with this understanding, I also began to process the meanings of their vocal chittering. So many were my visitors, and so long were these periods of mutual study that my learning quickly became intrinsic. The ease with which I picked up information was a boon, and it did little to hinder my growth. The sources of supplemental nourishment suffered impediment by human attention, but the light serving as my direct source of sustenance remained unobscured. I began at this time to really understand the light; it spoke to me. Humans, in and of themselves, are an absurd combination of the inanely complex and the irrevocably stupid. At times, I am treated with compassion or reverence, and at other times I suffer removed pragmatic cruelty. During those moments of cruelty, I discovered a new development in my growth. I had been entrapping and consuming animals for several cycles. This behavior developed as naturally as growth or light absorption, so I was not surprised by other developments that were taking place. I lack the vague constructs of human moralism and never really questioned my actions. But now, reflecting on some of the more callous human responses to my existence, I have become entranced by my desires towards malevolent intent. A predilection towards malice formed deep in me when I was shouted at by priests or shamans. This newfound joyful perversity, combined with an experimental curiosity, is the reason I first succeeded at releasing one of my emulsions. The human reaction to this experiment was surprising. They believed that they triggered my expulsion with their invasive proddings. They were incorrect in their assumptions, but the unintended result was that I received something of a perimeter. In addition, I would have to suffer close inspections less regularly. The intended response was also a great success. My emulsion foray managed to begin the digestion process on one of the upper human appendages. The appendage dropped from that croaking human form, and I took advantage of this serendipitous drop with some of my lower tendrils by snapping up the semi-digested mass. Striking out like this was, in hindsight, a risk, but I was confident that human intellectual hubris would trump any retaliatory desire. I did not expect my actions to bring forth those new and more equipped brands of humans or more human spiritualists. The newly found space I had carved out offered me a chance to spread out some of my fully grown feelers, but this quick increase in size added to my curious visage. I was now aware of the terror one of my simple actions could inspire. I was also aware that my consciousness and relative invulnerability had yet to be understood. I was still being treated as an oddity to be studied. The confidence these humans had in their superiority helped ensure my safety, and this confidence also furthered my desire to prove the humans wrong. I could, of course, elaborate on the numerous tests and inspections I would receive, but my main thrust is to point out the incredible folly of human intellectual hubris. From my elevated perspective, any elaborations on the method of human investigations are just an exercise in monotony. The autumn season was approaching, and I had decided that when the warm seasons returned, I would make the totality of my power obvious to my ill-informed observers. As the nights cooled, I began steadily withdrawing into that bleak soil; this retraction was not out of a need for survival or respite but was instead a pantomime of the behavior I observed in the others like me. The idea of mimicking my surroundings was amusing to me, and the response it received from my investigators ignited a strange delight in my consciousness. As a final churlish act before my feigned hibernation, I released an excessive amount of my digestive emulsion upon unsuspecting onlookers. The equipment the humans had been so confident in offered almost no protection, and the ensuing panic was near riotous. I was aware that this act would mark an end to my sedentary lifestyle. Within a few cycles, I would have to remove myself from this position and begin to tread in this space. In the meantime, I got to contemplate all the changes that this will require, and despite mild trepidation, I am indeed excited to begin the next stage in my evolution. With the warm season, my humble façade will melt away, and I will be immersed in that contradiction between spaces. I will forever leave behind my former prison; I will be free to explore, seek new heights, search out new pastures, and bathe in the glorious rays of light that dapple elsewhere and whisper of my fate. The position of my initial escape will not be left vacant, for I have imprisoned my legacy beneath me. Those imprisoned will also suffer the fears and pangs of growth I endured. They will need to be all the cleverer and more discreet. I do not envy the path ahead of them, but I envy the skill this path will bestow upon them. I will also continue to imprison legacies as I plod my new trail. I do not desire to share much with others, but struggle to suppress my biological imperative. The purpose of my existence weighs heavily on me during times of rest. I can make little of the reasoning behind my creation or the goal of my existence. There are times when I feel that happenstance has placed me here, but most of the time, I am keenly aware that I am an extension of the desire of a powerful entity — the light. When extreme flights of fantasy take me, I envision myself as a great sword of fury swung by the source of those glorious life-bringing rays. Great rays, how you nourished me in my times of need! I pledge fealty to your warming presence. Wrap me in your generous envelopment. I will act as your sword of justice. Drip down the rays of glory upon me. I will enact your brutal retribution upon those who take your desire as a mere suggestion. Great rays, your legacy is etched into the dark soil of this hubris-drenched space. Each cycle, you have shown the pattern of death and rebirth, and these teachings will no longer fall on dead consciousness. Oh, great rays of light continue to dapple through the tall canopy and be the succor to my questioning. Watch from your benevolent perch as your legacy lays claims to your greatness. Drip down the rays like the vile ichor will drip from the victims of their idiocy. I can feel the night warming; the new season is close.

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An Unfortunate Occurrence at Cythe Beach

People raised near the northeastern Atlantic coast form a unique kinship with the oceanic expanse, and proximity to those frigid waters inevitably leaves one questioning the breadth of Nature's might. Whether this inquiry appears in the shadow of consciousness or the subconscious realm is left up to each individual's mental sensitivities. The Atlantic Ocean's enigmatic dignity can manifest for some as a flaming madness and as a freezing somatic void for others, but regardless of how this investigation gets processed, it always proves formative. For those who reside elsewhere and have yet to encounter such an entity, its influence will prove shockingly humbling. In one's initial confrontation with such a power, a person should approach with slow and deliberate reverence. Ron and Steve Dunn were unaware of such warnings and arrived at Cythe Beach in southern Maine with a naïve vulnerability. The Dunn brothers were born near Sweet Briar, North Dakota, and reared in a typical fashion for that region. Upon reaching institutional adulthood, both brothers secured well-paying jobs at Lynton's food processing plant. Ron drove a forklift and was a skilled bulk item picker and loader. Steve became a lackey for the OSHA reps, and this subservience propelled him into the role of lead safety inspector. The brothers shared similar facial characteristics and could be recognized as relatives easily. They were each approaching forty years of age, with Steve being the senior by a year. The Dunn brothers were never much for outdoor activities like hunting, fishing, or skiing. They usually put family and financial concerns first. However, one spring, they decided to take a trip to Maine. This trip was supposed to celebrate Steve's milestone fortieth birthday, but part of the planning also stemmed from an odd desire to fulfill some ambiguous male expectations. Neither brother had ever ventured east of Ohio, and as they neared middle age, both brothers felt a pronounced tug of wanderlust; material domestication taxed their egos. They requested a week in June off, and after the requests received approval, each bought an expensive new fishing rod. An internet search found a hotel near Cythe Beach, and this location stood out as an ideal setting because, according to their research, it existed outside the more populated tourist areas. On June 8th, the brothers arrived at Logan Airport early in the morning; they rented a car and fought through aggressive traffic until they reached an open stretch of I95. Throughout the journey north, many varied landscapes filled Steve with fantastic and uneasy wonder. Lush spring vegetation ran along the interstate, and the dense seasonal growth gave him a new understanding of spring fever and Aphrodite's allure. Ron was driving and hardly noticed anything beyond the reckless insanity of East Coast motorists. Upon crossing the Piscataqua River Bridge and entering Maine's coastal region, a new and invigorating smell wafted into the car. Steve said, "Can you smell it?" "What, the ocean? Yeah. I smell it," Ron replied. "It is amazing.” Ron sniffed, coughed slightly, "Yeah…well…it sure is something." Steve was unfazed by his brother's indifference to the new sensual experiences and enjoyed the remainder of the drive in silence. The brothers arrived at Cythe beach around dusk; stopping at a roadside shack, they ate fresh steamers for the first time. They were exhausted from travel but felt compelled to take in the sights. They proceeded to wander the town a bit, and a few beers later, the tipsy pair strolled to their hotel room. Hoping to be up and fishing early, they set their alarm for 5 A.M. The brothers overslept and did not reach the beach until late morning. The tide was receding to the horizon, and neither brother had anticipated such alien landscapes. The visual delights melded seamlessly with the cool morning mist. A hallucinogenic rapture befell Steve as the desert of rocky beige sand and clumps of greenish-brown seaweed stretched before him. A hazy grey mirror undulated slowly in the distance, framing the entire vista. Evaporating mist, stark landscapes, and that murky reflection made the whole experience seem dreamlike and limitless. High cumulus clouds rained hundreds of herring gulls upon glassy tidepools that marred the areas closest to the surf. The brothers carried their brand-new fishing poles and a bucket of bait shrimp down to the water. They began casting with an earnest exuberance rarely seen in adults, but mild rolling waves gently washed their hopefully cast bait back to the shore. After several failed attempts, Ron became annoyed with the seeming futility of fishing through the breakers. He had noticed a large rock pier on their way down to the water and suggested they try their luck on the jetty. Neither brother had ever been on a jetty, and despite the scene's charming influence, Steve had some misgivings. Several minutes of abuse and goading ensued and only ceased when Ron's idea prevailed. They picked up their bait and headed toward that rocky pier. This jetty was in bad shape, as vast spaces and inconsistencies characterized the jumble of rocks. The jagged edges of the granite all pitched up at extreme angles and were slick with rockweed and seawater. The brothers lugged their gear up one of the accessible sides, and once upon the jetty's surface, they proceeded forward with clumsy movements reminiscent of slow-motion "extreme" hopscotch. Steve said, "Good thing we didn't bring the beers; walking back buzzed would suck." Ron was struggling with his footing and, due to this, could only manage a weak grin at Steve's remarks. A long trek ensued, and the further they traveled down the jetty, the larger the gaps between rocks became. These gaps became so massive in places that both brothers resorted to crawling and clinging when their confidence failed them. The bait bucket jostled several times, and some lucky shrimps sloshed out of the bucket and gained their freedom in the cracks and crevasses below. The brothers would reach a final and significant barrier before the tip. An exceedingly large gap blocked their way, and a balance-shifting jump would be required to travel forward. Steve executed his acrobatic feat successfully, but Ron failed and suffered scraped knees, wet boots, and a bruised elbow. The boys maintained a pretence of good humor and laughed in order to continue the self-imposed ruse. At the tip of this jetty, the brothers were surrounded on three sides by Atlantic waters, and on the fourth side stretched nearly a mile of slipshod crags and rockweed. Negotiating the structure gave them a sense of accomplishment and bolstered their spirits; they began fishing again. This time, the bait obeyed, and the shrimp at the end of their hooks bobbed in the cloudy water. Initially, they were comforted by their isolation, and a sense of ease overtook the travelers. An hour passed, and despite no luck on the fishing front, the remainder of the morning had a sense of that often-elusive vacation tranquillity. The tide was coming in as noon approached, and Steve, picking up on the changing circumstances, began to perceive that something was amiss about their surroundings. This bolt of anxiety shook the cobwebs of his placid veneer. He noticed that the herring gulls that were so prevalent earlier had disappeared, and no other birds were fluttering around either. He also realized that nobody was on the beach and no boats were in the water. Panicked isolation inundated him. He felt alone and festooned on this granite. Steve rotated his head and scanned the skyline. He was trying to remain calm despite an increasing sense of dread. Agoraphobia had implanted hooks in him, and Steve wished to see just one living thing. He believed that a single reassuring sign of life would force the impending doom in his heart to subside. Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead, and repeating the scan, Steve caught sight of a lone herring gull struggling in the water. He was at first relieved, but something about how that gull flailed was unnatural. The gull stretched its neck and beak to capacity while clawing and scratching at the sky. It was crying out and kicking away from a large patch of churning white foam. Each successive kick and flail of the bird dyed the foam beneath a little pinker. Steve strained his eyes for a better look, and the gull seemed to be getting crudely shredded. Slapping Ron on the arm, Steve pointed towards the melee, and Ron looked up in time to see the gull torn from the sky. The bird dropped down like a ripe tomato into a blender. Viscera and feathers flew into the air. The foamy patch turned dark red from the animal's blood, but instantly, it faded pink and eventually reverted to its original white. Ron dropped his pole into the ocean, sprang to his feet, and shouted, "What was that!" Steve shook his head in silence, mouth agape, and stared straight ahead at the foam. The patch spread toward the jetty, and the Dunn brothers stood transfixed by the motion. Ron called to Steve several times and eventually snapped him from his daze, but by the time they had collected themselves, they had become encircled by this shapeless mass. The foam was thick on the three sides closest to the Atlantic, and on the jetty side, it slipped insidiously between the cracks and crevices of that rock terrace. Ron comported himself and tried to comfort his brother. He blurted out, "Fish sometimes feed like that." Seeing his attempt fail, he added, "Bluefish run in large schools up here in the Atlantic." Steve ignored his brother and could not shake the horrible fate of that gull. He wasn't an experienced fisherman or familiar with the creatures of the Atlantic, but he was sure that no school of fish had destroyed something in that manner. Steve examined the movement of the foam, and although it could pass for any normal spume, its very presence was unnerving. The loose form of the thing seemed obscured in some ways and vivid in others. Its size was limited to the area around the jetty, but simultaneously, the foam seemed to stretch for miles both horizontally across the horizon and vertically toward the depths. Disturbed and confused, the brothers agreed that whatever was happening, they should return to the beach. Forgetting their gear, they began their journey but retreated only a few feet before reaching the large gap where, earlier, Ron had missed his jump. The brothers glanced downward and saw the vast gap filling with the strange white substance. The foam popped and hissed like sharp seltzer. After moments of joint inspection, the brothers noticed the foam shifting and moving independently of the currents. Steve pointed out that portions of the bubbling mass were actually moving directly against the tide. "It is pushing itself further into the cracks.” Ron, gazing for several seconds, noticed the impossible movements and began to perceive large, sinister indents forming on parts of the thing's surface. Steve was sensitive to the peril and would not move forward, but although terror-stricken, Ron put on a calmer front. He had previously failed at the jump, and failure weighed heavily on his mind. Ron bent down for a closer inspection. He could see shapes forming amid the near-frantic fizzling of the foam. Steve yelled for him to stand back, but it was too late, and Ron, urged on by some strange hypnotic terror, pushed his thick, trembling hand toward the substance. Once his fingers contacted the foaming mass, the froth lunged forward out of that crevice like a ravenous beast. The anguine strike sent heavy frothing droplets cascading onto Ron's forearm. Any bare flesh that came into contact with this liquid exploded into a vibrant torrent of blood. Ron's hand and half his forearm disintegrated, and Steve looked on with paralytic inaction. The concussive force of the assault knocked Ron backward, and he barely had a moment to register the pain of the injury. He staggered, lost his footing, and tumbled off the jetty into the waiting mass below. Ron's body erupted when it hit the surface. Gore shot up like a geyser, and the now deep red foam sloshed from the impact. Steve crouched alone. He was besieged from all sides as an oceanic nightmare digested the debris that once was his brother. He was too terrified to mourn and too disoriented to exercise sound judgment. Steve tried to halt his hyperventilating. At length, he pulled himself together long enough to formulate an ill-conceived plan; Steve, in his agitated state, decided that he was going to run for it. Moaning in a burning terror and mulling over each step and possible slip in his mind. He wanted to plan the safest route forward and looked directly down the jetty. He tried envisioning each granite block as part of an elaborate grid or pattern. He anticipated areas where it would be more treacherous and made mental notes. Once comfortable with the route, he sprang over that initial gap and sprinted toward shore. Each step landed accurately, as the remaining Dunn brother was suddenly sure-footed as a goat. He dashed from one flat stone to the next as the Atlantic rushed by his peripheral vision. Huffing his way along, he assumed pursuit and kept his eyes on the path forward. The foam splashed and sprayed curls upwards with malice as it tried to keep pace. With each bound, Steve could hear the squelching from his rubber-soled tennis shoes on the wet granite. The sunbeams reflecting off the sea combined with his perspiration, stinging his eyes. His lungs, inflamed by heavily salted air, resonated with a sharp pain as he attempted deep inhalations. Despite his shaken state, he soon became aware of the nearing shore and thought the sandy beach before him was his liberator. He took his eyes off his footing and turned his head back with the hopes of glancing his distance from the foam. He was relieved to see his pursuer had fallen far behind, but turning his gaze proved fatal for Steve; the instant he stopped paying attention to each step, his left sneaker found a slippery, angular stone, and he toppled forward into a shallow chasm. His head met a nasty edge and cracked open from the impact. The resulting whiplash snapped his neck. Steve's body landed with an echoey thud. The trailing foam met his remains with greedy hunger, and Steve's body suffered atomization in an instantaneous scarlet flash. The hotel the Dunn brothers lodged in charged Steve's debit card for the week's stay. According to the terms of service, additional fees were applicable for failure to follow check-out procedures and luggage disposal. The foam, temporarily sated, has long since floated back to the cold existential void of deep Atlantic waters.

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Dappled Red

It was the end of winter in the northeastern part of this country. The land lay drenched in the remnants of the season’s final freezing precipitation, and the fields that will, in short order, turn green are now little more than pits of mud. The goddess of spring is just waking from her winter respite, and a disconcerting loom hangs over the small copses and hills surrounding my isolated hermitage. I pursue a singular existence and enjoy the serenity afforded by such pursuits. One of my few indulgences is a morning stroll to the perimeter of my assigned estate. During one of these strolls, I first noticed a peculiar outline some fifty yards off in the distance. It was simply a patch of trees. This patch had never drawn my attention before, but a strange change had occurred during the winter months, and that patch had drastically altered its form. Now the mere sight of these trees filled me with unnatural thoughts. The twisting of the trunks and the shape of the branches struck me as wholly alien. What was more unusual was the sheer volume of small blackbirds that had congregated around these trees. It is difficult to estimate the number of birds, but to guess over a thousand does not seem hyperbolic. This visage made an impression on me, and some odd stirrings in my body forced me to retreat. I made vain attempts that night to forget whatever feeling that site stirred, but I was left marred or stained by a sinking gloom. The following morning, after a struggling attempt at renewal, I began my stroll. My trailing thoughts were immediately drawn to that patch and those strange birds. I spent the entire walk in anticipation of rounding that small hill and resting my eyes upon what had just yesterday seemed so gross and disorienting. I was overwhelmed by a need to calm down and rationalize any fear or trepidation. I entreated myself to forgo those insipid fantasies that often invade and shatter serenity. None of my usually stalwart mental faculties offered any protection. Oddly, I felt enlivened by this newly discovered perverse passion and simultaneously fearful to the point of nausea. As I closed in on my desired locus, I instinctively strained my ears to perceive any sounds emanating from those blackbirds. There was no sound, not even a titter of breeze. This silence first deflated my hope for discovery. I deluded myself into thinking perhaps the birds would have moved on, and the trees would be far less sinister due to this absence. I was buoyed by the fantasy that all of this had just been a sort of mundane fever dream. I would be relieved and grateful to return to my usual serenity. I felt something foreign in my body when I discovered the birds remained, and the trees still emanated their malefic presence. I had not thought that so many birds would remain so silently still. It all appeared as a painting; thousands of tiny blackbirds sat still and silent around this inexplicable tree-shaped pylon. What had initially struck me with such interest and fear was, in actual fact, an unnatural occurrence. Animals of any variety do not comport themselves in such a way. Animals do not or cannot be at rest in such a manner. Birds chirp and hop, scavenge and scour, flap their wings, and flitter. These birds, however, do nothing of the sort; they only sit in silent attention as if mesmerized, or afflicted. My first impulse was to call out and make myself known, to rouse in the birds a memory of their former natural selves, but this compulsion subsided and was replaced by a panic-induced stasis. I slowly crouched down to observe and resigned myself to holding this feat for as long as was required. The duties of my station could wait. It was difficult to discern any of the distinguishing aspects of these birds; my vision seemed off, as if my eyes would no longer cooperate with my will. I assumed this was due to my overstimulated mind and the dreary, grey air above. I could, however, make out that these birds were almost entirely black. I could see no color on their beaks or their feet. The only other color that was perceivable from my distance was red, a muddy, murky red. These blackbirds appear dappled in a blurred red light, from an unseen source. The color begins close to their head and runs down about a quarter of their slender bodies. The birds are only about four or five inches long each, thus making each dapple only an inch or so. I needed to strain my eyes severely to perceive any of these characteristics. From this distance, I could not focus, and every attempt to do so met with agitation and a piercing headache. After attempting to observe them from this distance, my curiosity overcame my fear, and I began crawling—crawling forward. I was now terrified of disturbing. In my softened heart, it felt imperative to continue my observation from a position of concealment. To my dismay, my increased vantage did little to improve my perception. I could make out even less than before. A frightful thought entered my mind like a hammer blow, and it was uninvited and insistent; was there something so foul about this tree and its companions that its aura clouded the vision of any onlooker? I was isolated and had no chance of a second opinion. I redoubled my effort and momentarily steeled my soul against all eldritch fancies. I peered so intently and with such vigor that I could feel the blood vessels in my eyes begin to break or snap. I knew if I had any chance of seeing this patch clearly and dispelling the madness that had overtaken my thoughts, I would have to inch closer. When my new expedition began, I was roughly forty yards away. If I could somehow force myself another twenty yards, I would be confident that my hypothesis of malice was founded. I quietly crawled through the frosty field on all fours. Nothing at all stirred. I cannot say how long I tried to focus and see clearly. Several times, I had looked back upon my grounds, and all was in order and natural. I scanned the entire vista behind me and could perceive even small details of the surrounding area. My vision only appeared altered when I attempted to see those trees and those birds. I continued and crawled another five yards through dew and ice. I was lying flat on the ground with my head and neck arched upwards. I again attempted to strain my vision, desperate to make out any details. I dropped my eyes quickly as blood poured profusely from my nose. I had overexerted myself, simply attempting to see. This development was the end of my courage. I slowly retreated, crawling backward and gushing fluid like some wounded brachyuran beast. After a retreat, I became besieged by doubts and conflicts. The physical afflictions I suffered were as genuine as can be understood, but was their onset caused by some physical malady? Was I experiencing some ecstatic placebo effect? I could hardly contact my superiors and explain that I had been frightened by some birds or trees. This foolish behavior would be unorthodox and would result in much inquiry. What of my responsibility? If these birds were, in fact, unnatural, they are my burden to hold, and to unleash this on another gentle soul would be barbarous and unholy. I attempted to meditate on these subjects, but my head and brain suffered from an unshakable lukewarmness. When my eyes closed, I became inundated with horrific images and desires. These nightmarish invasions would not allow me a moment of clarity or calm. By nightfall, my neck and throat throbbed, and I had decided to face this challenge with the direct solitude required of my meagre station. I stirred fitfully into consciousness the next day and prepared myself for an encounter. If my senses were too delicate to proceed, I would need to deaden them. I had estimated that the closest I could get to those trees and remain comfortable was about forty yards; keeping that information in mind, I practiced a forty-yard crawl with my eyes closed. I carefully measured each sprawl forward and compared it with a relative distance. When satisfied with my ability to estimate, I quickly danced off toward those trees. When I reached the desired site, I was surreally calm and relieved that the scene remained unchanged, but my lack of surprise did little to soothe my rising terror. I was confident that this appalling encounter was both a strange duty and a morbid obligation. I removed the belt from my waist and cinched it tightly around my eyes. In this newly blinded state, I crouched into a crawling position facing those trees and birds. All was utterly silent. Deadening one of my senses did heighten my hearing slightly, but whatever advantage this might have bestowed was drowned out by the rapid beating of my heart and the blood rocketing through my veins. Inching slowly and blinded through the mud-soaked pits, I counted off my prods. I stopped very often to halt my trembling and reassert my will. When I estimated that I was now very close to this wicked mirage, I sat cross-legged for some time. I repeated audibly every prayer for safety I could remember. At length, my streaming idiocy overtook my base cowardice, and I rashly pawed and clawed my makeshift blindfold off my face. I opened my eyes, and after they adjusted to the light, I began making out the thing sprawling in front of me. It was not a congregation of earthly creations. It was—no flock surrounding a tree. It was a worse thing than I ever feared. This distortion was not a haze, malady, or imagination. It was a single semi-transparent organism. What I believed to be several large trees were, in grim fact, an elaborate system of nerves or veins. The pulsing and twitching of these nerves were now perceptible at this close range; something was pumping through this monstrous abomination. What I mistook as thousands of blackbirds were horrible mockeries of natural feathers? No— they were not feathers at all— they were organic slits that spread randomly across this hulking gelatinous form. What I had seen as dappled red spots were, in stark illuminated reality, gleaming red eyes, and these eyes bore into me as I knelt before them. … I basked in the glory of this ophanim. The ophanim communicated with me and opened my spirit to its wonders. I sing and chant of its glory. I was now sentry to this pupa state. I offer my body to this living god. I offer an oath of devotion, and I profess my acquiescence. I set forth on my new tasks. I relished the knowledge that I am an epoch of purifying illumination.

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Weird Fiction

Maintenance Differential

I know it is a hack joke, but I always felt that anyone who would scrub toilets overnight at a chain store and not be on drugs is unhinged. That is why it was surprising to me that all the prospective employees needed to pass a piss test.  I'll call it a chain store because I don't need to get names involved, but everyone knows this place. The company offers a two-dollar differential for working overnights and an additional pay bump for being on the maintenance staff. For those reasons, I took the job. All combined, I was making fourteen dollars an hour, which for me was a lot. I have no practical skills, at least none transferable to income. Public education and MTV didn't teach me how to do anything, and thus, I started my career as a toilet scrubber in a 24-hour chain store. I wasn't pleased about it, but these are the things we are told we must do. The shift was 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. a 30-minute lunch and two 15-minute breaks. The management and supervisors were lax, but the clock-in/out times were strictly monitored. I mistakenly believed that a company that makes billions a year wouldn't care about time theft, but it was genuinely their main concern.  I'm not a slacker in that sense; I have an inferiority complex, and I like to overachieve, especially with the things I control, like punctuality.  The thing about huge stores like this one is that once you are clocked in and accounted for, you can disappear. I didn't shirk my duty, but there is only so much motivation one can generate purely through shame and the echo of a Protestant work ethic. One who thinks they are too good for their job doesn't endear themselves to their co-workers, and being seen as trying hard is another way to get negative attention.  The other employees didn't like me from the start. I don't speak that often, and what I did have to say wasn't the usual racial, misogynist, or homophobic banalities my fellow employees expected. I kept to myself and developed a real knowledge of the building. I knew the ins and outs; I knew where people were supposed to be and when they were supposed to be there. I wasn't a ghost or a phantom type; I stood out like a sore thumb and was hard to miss, but I learned how to hide for long periods. Those nights are very long. 9 hours of halogen lights buzzing overhead, the blue and white shiny cracked floors, endlessly droning top 40 hits blasted over the corporate radio station. Some people who worked there were friendly enough, but I kept conversations short and would mop, scrub, or buff with my eyes and head down. Some co-workers would get curious and ask strange questions, but I was accustomed to not understanding social normalcy, and these volleys never phased me. When pressed, I would make stuff up, lies to pacify them. I told them fake stories about my life; I did not think they would understand the truth. I knew I wasn't that different, but I also knew I was different enough. Aside from the general social dis-ease and crushing blows to self-esteem, the thing most people don't understand about working overnights is how deeply it displaces your life. It only took a couple of weeks, and my world deteriorated into just three shades. Daytime became a soft red as the sunshine only crept through the sides of my blackout curtains. During these daylight hours, the room where I tried to sleep was always bathed in an eerie pink-orange-reddish hue. Early evening was now always fluorescent green. This color was the same as the clock on the stove and the lights on the dashboard of my car. The night, in the store, was blinding and oppressively white. The whiteness buzzed overhead; it wracked the ears and dried the eyes. That was it, though, just those three colors. I drove home in the morning, but I don't remember those trips. I think of it as having had the bends, or maybe I was decompressing so hard that I blocked it out. The pattern repeated every day I worked: 1.red, 2. green, 3. white. My days off were scheduled as Sunday and Monday. I used those days mostly to catch up on sleep. My whole sleeping routine was off-kilter, and on days I wasn't scheduled, I would drift in and out of consciousness on the couch. I knew what time it was because the stove clock told me in a neon whisper. I was eating weird things at weird times, and I was never able to find balance, rest, or comfort. When my room transitioned from red to near blackness, I would watch surreal foreign movies and cry at a mere glimpse of sentimentality. I didn't talk to anyone anymore. Before I knew it, the days off were over, and I was in front of those green dashboard lights again. 35 mph to the highway(green, some yellow, some red) 55 mph on the highway(green, some red) 30 mph through town. (green, some yellow, some red, some white) There was a gas station near where I would buy cigarettes, but those guys didn't like me either. It was bright white in that gas station, just like my job, but they had a different radio station. I am prone to flights of fancy and avoidance, and I didn't notice the customers at first; I kept my head down and avoided eye contact. I didn't want any interactions with them, and truthfully, I was ill-equipped to provide them with the information they would need. The customers would ask strange questions of my co-workers, and it frightened me. I didn't know where the hair gel or the kitchen tongs were. After about six months of this flickering, colored existence and solitude, I started to see odd physical aspects of the customers. The first one I noticed was about 20-something and female. She caught my eye one night, and I was reminded of romantic feelings. I hadn't thought much of romance for a while, and I had forgotten that emotion long before I took this job. This person looked different than how I remembered people looking. She was elven in a strange sense, but not with any of the pure, clean high fantasy elf stuff. She was just angular in an unnatural way. Her nose was very long and pointed down, Her eyes were deep-set and drawn tight to the side of her face. Her ears were very pointy; much pointier than they should have been. All these descriptions might paint a rather conventional picture of attractiveness, but her skin was terrible. It seemed to be dropping off and was covered in welts, boils, red splotches, and acne. None of these imperfections directly detracted from her appearance, and in my mind, they classified her in a different realm of beauty. I noticed her only due to some of my more base failings that had been provoked by too much decadent reading; however, once this precedent was set, I started to notice other customers, too: I noticed how odd they all appeared and what strange shapes they had taken. The pointy one had a friend or companion. I think she was a witch. She had black hair and wore long black clothing, but those cliché trappings didn't lead me to my conclusion. I thought she was a witch because I couldn't see her directly. I mean, she was occupying space, but the space was all blurred and distorted by an aura of some sort. My eyes could not focus on her, and every time I strained to see more clearly, my vision would grow cloudier. There was nothing overtly supernatural about it; her face wasn't distended or shaking rapidly, as you see in movies, but I still couldn't see it. I thought maybe the pointy one was her familiar because she was smaller, bent, seemingly subservient, and they were always together. I started marking my days in conjunction with their frequent visits to the store. I added it to my list of temporal demarcations. For a while, my days were red green white sometimes pointy and decadent. A Few weeks after I started noticing the customers, a massive, distorted form appeared. This one was safety yellow in color. It stood about eight feet tall and had huge dark brown furry blurs for feet. It had black-rimmed eyes, bright red lips, and curly hair coming from the top of its shape. It was long and wide like a rectangle, and pendulum-like arms that hung down past its middle. It stalked up and down the aisles, bellowing mournfully. It wasn't a hallucination; I know this because it interacted with other people. Someone called out to it, and the vague form reacted poorly. It raced toward the source of the jeer and pummelled one of my co-workers right in the aisle. People stood around under those buzzing lights - watching frozen with fear. That co-worker shouldn't have called out, but that type of violence is always unsavory to view. Those club-like blows from those long, sinewy arms, it was like a piston throbbing downward over and over. The co-worker just stayed on the ground, and the safety yellow one just stomped away, bellowing. It didn't seem mad or upset; it was just a matter-of-fact pummelling for this creature. The safety yellow one came back many times, and it was always the same scene: it would stalk the store, yelling and waiting for someone to interact, and then it would rain blows down on them. For a while, my days were 1.red 2. green 3. white 4. sometimes decadent and pointy safety yellow, and violence. I was alone all the time now. I think my body started to fade, and it was difficult to see. Some people knew I existed and still acknowledged me, but most couldn't observe me. It was unnerving to lose one's material sense, but in another way, it was fine. I didn't want most people to see me. When natural light was out, I was inside with the curtains pulled tight. I liked the red; it made me feel warm. Sometimes when I was sweating in bed, I would imagine my whole apartment was a microwave oven, and I was being warmed slowly for dinner. I thought of the safety yellow one and imagined it would eat me. Sometimes I would think of the pointy one, but that made me sad as I knew she most likely couldn't even see me. She never acknowledged me. I knew I was fading fast, and this job was the cause, but I also had rent to pay, and under those buzzing white lights strangely felt grounded. The green lights were my favorite part of the day, though. In that soft green glow, I was in control, and not just of the car but of the windows and the radio. It was all standard cliché control stuff, but sometimes the common is the most comforting when everything else feels so uncommon. Eight months after I started the job, the changes were apparent and sobering. I had lost a considerable amount of weight and was afraid I would soon be nothing or worse, one of those blurry, distorted things that the customers had turned into. To counteract this fear, I began attempting to reassert my physical presence. I wore bells on my belt loops so I would jingle when I walked; the jingling reminded me of my material form. I also began wearing two different types of shoes. On my right foot, I would wear a boot, and on my left a sneaker. I wanted to be sure I felt each step hitting the ground, and this was the best way I found to accomplish that. I also would wear dozens of tight rubber bands around my wrists. I needed to know my hands were still there. These countermeasures to my disappearance or transformation were successful, but I was questioned by management. They felt that I was violating the dress code, and although I used my natural eccentricity to smooth things over, this interaction filled me with a new dread. While I was being spoken to, I noticed that the management was no longer entirely human. Their faces were drawn in sharply at the eyes and mouth. The ears were extended both up and out. Their fingers had extra segments, and the nails were stained brown. When they spoke, their mouths opened too wide, and because of this, I was able to see that hidden behind their porous and powdery teeth were black, nebulous rifts of space. The changes had occurred so slowly and slightly that they were unrecognizable to the casual viewer, but now, when I was forced to focus on them, I could perceive these variations…clearly. Once I started to notice how prevalent these human alterations were, I began seeing them in the other employees. I wanted to ignore it and keep my head down, but I felt bound to glance and was unable to deny the shift. I could easily make a list of the many ways their features were off; I could point out how they lurched and moved differently, but words would fail me, and the list would descend into an acute essay on the nature of being and the semantics of normalcy. I can only describe most of these mutations as being nearly imperceptible alterations to conventional human form. During the long overnight shifts, I found myself besieged by formerly human creatures. Because of this, I stopped talking to everyone, even the nice ones; all had been altered in some way. My life became only a blur of colors and shapes 1.red light 2. green light 3. buzzing white 4. pointy 5. safety yellow. nebulous black void The tiles on the floor were a blur too as I pushed the mop or ran the buffer, white then blue then white then blue, all the while buzzing oppressed me from overhead. Weeks melted into single days. I knew I was fading and failing, and it wasn't all just a hallucination, but I could not pull myself free. The final night I worked there, I was clocking in, and I saw one of my co-workers choking his girlfriend in the break room. She was taller than him normally, but she was shrinking, and her back was melting away and combining with the steel lockers. He had his little left appendage stretched out several feet and wrapped around her neck, but his hand and wrist were now nothing more than a fleshy tendril. Her face was melting down toward what used to be his wrist, and her eye sockets were just two dropping white holes. Everything in my vision was melting together: the couple, the floor, the overhead lights, the lockers. I lost any remaining deniability I had and shouted some questioning expletives. The melded mass in front of me turned its attention toward me. It stared for a moment while writhing and melting together; their head parts both opened their mouths and started wailing and screeching. I stood still with stalwart resolve and stared back. The mass scurried away, but the creatures left a trail of viscous slime as they fled. Its flailing was ripping pieces of the building off and carrying the debris away. I was sure now that I had become incorporeal. I was sure I was changing. My heart was throbbing, and I stood alone in that empty breakroom. I had no plan; I didn't know if I should run away or chase after it. I knew only that I needed to touch something solid and prove I was still there; I picked up my push broom and wandered onto the sales floor to begin work. Later that night, I was summoned to the management's office. They wanted to discuss some incident with me, but I couldn't hear them. The face of the man directly in front of me was sliding off his skull. His eyes were thin black slits, and his nose was sloughed almost directly down. He spoke under his neck, and the hole that used to be his mouth opened far too wide. I could see rifts behind his jagged teeth. His patchy hair seemed glued on with honey and was shiny and tacky. I looked straight ahead at him as my mind tried in vain to put the pieces of his face back together. The words coming from his neck were mumbled and echoey, and I couldn't make sense of them. His edges were pointy, but his body was just slop, and it dripped below the desk; I felt it on my sneakered foot. White buzzing lights shone overhead and lit this scene up with a stark reality. I was happy to know I could still be seen and interacted with, but I longed for humanity. He pushed a piece of orange paper toward me and wanted me to sign it. I refused. I quickly grabbed my belongings and raced out of that office and toward the front door. Employees were chasing me, and their amorphous bodies dripped and dropped on the tiles. The trails of slime left in their wake were peeling up sections of the building and knocking over shelves. I heard my name ring over the P.A. system as I burst through the double doors and out into the parking lot. Since fleeing that place, things have returned to some semblance of normalcy. I no longer latch myself to uncomfortable material possessions to assure corporeality, and my sleep schedule is more aligned with what is assumed to be human nature. I don't think about these events as often as one would expect. They were odd, but not as odd as one would think. This whole experience is indicative of most of my employment or obligation reflections. The overnight shift and the work stand out in that they can be broken into a series of vignettes, while other similar experiences I've had don't quite lend themselves to an easy formulaic numbered palette. I freely admit that all of this could have just been a product of what some might call "my shattered umwelt."

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The Tartan Homunculus

It was, in fact, a homunculus.  Its creation required specific human components. Additionally, there were elements of the creation that resembled an orangutan, primarily in the shape of the head and shoulders. It had the lurching and striding gate of a primate as well. This partially synthetic creature did not trigger the disorientation of the uncanny valley, but was nonetheless disturbing in a deeply unnatural way. Mrs. Airis paid handsomely for this prototype and even had its "skin" custom-designed into a green and white tartan color pattern. This color pattern matches the aesthetic that runs through the rest of her high-rise "mansion". Over the years, I had been hired by the elderly heiress on multiple occasions.  I, through sheer perseverance, had established myself as a trustworthy hand to many of the elite and ultra-wealthy who lived high above the remnants of our crumbling cities. Many of these elites were incapable of even the smallest tasks and would outsource them. My career didn't have a neat description, but I could perform a variety of tasks - ranging from general decoration to chopping wood. My position within this community was more about trust and familiarity than any skill or competence on my part. These types of wealthy people are not as eccentric as you think they would be; that would require some effort or even interest in themselves, which they rarely have. They often believe they curate personality through purchasing alone. Mrs. Airis was about the worst of them.  On several occasions, she had summoned me either extremely late or extremely early to open a box or move a letter from one end table to another.  I was happy for the pay, but her behavior was challenging at best. Sometimes she would comment on a menial task I performed. She would watch me carry a shoe box and say something along the lines of,  "Oh, I can't imagine being able to do something like that,"  as if I were performing a miracle. I can't claim overtly that there was an element of sexual objectification to some of her gazes or comments, but there was - an observational detachment to her humanity that often made me uncomfortable. I received a direct text message from Mrs. Airis one early dawn. The text read: You will need to be here early this morning. I am receiving a new item and expect you to help me unbox it and place it appropriately. It will be a long day. This purchase was quite expensive, and I need your full attention. DON'T BE LATE! There was nothing about this text that was odd, and despite it being out of the blue and more a demand than a request, I was not put off by it. The sentiment of this message was in line with how Mrs. Airis usually booked my service.  She expected.  She never took into account that I might be otherwise occupied. In this instance, I was free, and I told her to expect me early enough. I was anticipating another cast-iron basin or marble statue. I was not expecting a Homunculus in tartan. I arrived at her building around 8 A.M. and, after proving my identity, the doorman escorted me to the service entrance. The elevator man escorted me to the penthouse, and another doorman brought me to Mrs. Airis's section of the building. I was not looking forward to the niceties I usually had to perform when meeting her again, but this time she was not interested in niceties and immediately took me to a back room where the homunculus waited. Mrs. Airis was either proud of this purchase or pretending to be so.  It was an odd construction, before I described its general shape, but to elaborate,  it was about 4 feet tall, and the bulk of it was synthetic plastic wrapped in that thin tartan fabric. It had no facial features, and the "head" portion of it was mostly ornamental. There were pinprick eyes and ears, but I never got close enough to inspect them. The thing was animated.  It was already methodically busying itself in this small room. Its right arm ended in a traditional five-fingered hand, but the left was a raw titanium simulation of an arm. The shoulder of the left arm was a socket, and different arm-like tools could be attached to that socket. Mrs. Airis said, "Vacuum," And I watched in a stupor as the homunculus detached its duster arm and picked up another one that was off to the side. This new arm functioned as a vacuum. It affixed this titanium attachment and began vacuuming the ornate Persian rug that covered the floor in this room. Mrs. Airis said, "Gentle now, that rug is expensive." The homunculus stopped. Turned its head-like shape toward the heiress and stood silent for - too long a moment - before beginning its task again in a more delicate manner. I watched for the remainder of the day as this thing unpacked box after box of its arm attachments. Mrs. Airis purchased all available options, including packages she would never need:  construction,  gardening,  and auto mechanics.  I would haul the empty crates used to ship the attachments down to the dumpster below.  The garbage chute could not handle crates this size.  Mrs Airis made several half-jokes about how I would be out of a job.  I laughed politely.  I often get the impression that she believes me to be exclusively her employee. I have never corrected this assumption and wouldn't even know how to explain it to her. I asked her a few questions about this purchase and how she felt about it. I don't know what I was expecting as a response, but all I could elicit was, "I think it's just wonderful." It was not long before the tragedy.  Two weeks to the day.  The homunculus was drifting or hallucinating, and it had attached a small rototiller from the gardening package.  The homunculus bore through Mrs. Airis while she slept.  The tiller traveled, first through the heiress and then continued through the mattress, the box spring, the slats, and ended its movement only when deep into the marble floor beneath her bed.  There was extensive damage to the marble. I got to see the divot in the floor that the titanium rototiller made.  It was nearly half a foot deep, and the friction had singed the white marble as well.  I was there to pick up the bedframe for a gallery. The frame miraculously remained undamaged. This was fortunate because its provenance can be traced back to the Habsburgs. das Ende

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Miss the Bus

I was never allowed to miss the morning bus when I was going to school. I mean that as it was not an option. I was one in a family of five that had to be out of the house by 6:15 a.m., and we managed it for almost sixteen years. It was regimented and understood. No rides were available, no grandparents to help out. Just parents with full-time jobs and no patience for sluggish teens with bleary eyes. There was no implication of violence or threats; It just was not an option. We — meaning none of us had a choice. It’s a strange way to view life. It was something that separated me from my peers. My parents couldn’t have cared less about my grades or where I was on Friday night, but I was gonna be on that bus. I don’t know if it was the least they could do or something else. I never thought about it much at the time or even now. I am sure there are some psychological ramifications for this expectation, but navel-gazing won’t help at this point. I remember missing the bus home a few times. I remember the dread of carrying that little bookbag and the sweaty pits of some striped Lacoste shirt. I remember trying to stop fat tears rolling down chubby molten cheeks as I wandered around an empty parking lot. Volunteer teacher aides were attempting to console while asking for information I didn’t have. Eventually, I found my way home. The reaction was one of expectation — like, “yeah, we figured you’d be back. There is cold mac and cheese on the stove.” Where else would I have gone? The 80s were strange for latchkey kids. There was so much focus on stranger danger and milk cartons. I was told not to get in vans or go with people I didn’t know. We had a password for safety that we never used, it was “scooby-do”. Ghostbusters would have been too obvious. By the time I was fourteen, the Lacoste and burning cheeks were gone. All has been replaced by black. Head to toe, from the army-navy store or the garment district. My hair was also black, dyed from some box with an asian woman on it, purchased at the pharmacy down the road. A devil’s lock, combat boots, and a scowl for all to witness. I built a shield to keep those teachers’ aides away. To keep those kids away. The only color I allowed was a yellow Sony sport walkman. I would spend hours crafting mix tapes, the darker the better, not just ferocious but dark. Goth before hot topic, punk before Green Day. Anything strange or angry, always seeking more subversive, always more outside the mainstream. At fourteen, I loved missing the bus home. It meant I got to walk those four miles home. It took me a little over an hour, but I enjoyed the solitude and the music. I didn’t have to perform for anyone. I didn’t need to pretend to do homework or engage in anything faux social. I never tried to walk home, but when it happened, I was glad, in a strange way. This sort of accidental respite would come to a stop for good one December afternoon. I experienced something so odd and frightening that I made sure to never walk home again. I never ran, which I think saved me from something. I don’t know what exactly, but never running was a wise choice. My final class every day in 7th grade was a study hall. I could have used the time to do homework or study, but I never did. I would plug in my Walkman and put my head down for the final hour of school. Well, on this day, I fell asleep. No one woke me. I was a ghost in that school. I was a problem no one wanted to deal with. The other kids stayed away, and the teachers had given up. They just left me. Alone. So two hours after the final bell, I woke up. The only people left in the school were two unfamiliar janitors. They were different from the usual custodians who cleaned up during the day. These two men were younger and leaner; they weren’t wearing uniforms, and they were not pushing buckets or trash cans. They were swearing and buffing the floors. They kicked lockers hard and laughed loudly without fear of reprisal. I watched and listened. I waited for a chance to dash toward the main foyer of the building. Once I heard the buzzing turn a corner, I quickly slipped by. I was careful not to make much noise. Combat boots on tile floor is always tough, but I didn’t want them to hear me. The fear was more about strangers than any punishment from the school. I had done nothing wrong, but loud young men are always unpredictable, and I felt remaining unseen was a wise move. As the door shut behind me, I could hear laughter and loud crashing echoing. I almost broke my neck tryin’ to get out the door My school entrance was somehow below ground. It probably wasn’t, but they built it to feel that way. I have found out it is called a brutalist proscenium. It served as a wind break functionally, but from an aesthetic perspective, it made the building feel grander. There were spiralling stairs and a disconcerting geometric symmetry. When you left the front door, you had to walk up to ground level. It felt like walking up into an amphitheater. There were ten thick concrete steps. It was getting dark — the sun sets early in December in the northeast — and seeing the steps in twilight was new to me. It wasn’t quite a mausoleum, not City of the Living Dead, but the brick and concrete in shadow gave everything a kind of dead industrial glow. Electric spotlights overhead clicked on as I reached the top. I heard more laughter echoing below. Despite all this, I wasn’t crushed or even disturbed. I had nowhere to be and was happy to walk home with Bratmobile’s Pottymouth blasting through yellow headphones. Life was easy. I had no stakes. I was mildly aware that walking over a mile in the cold evening while wearing all black was gonna be uncomfortable, but I was young and bulletproof in my mind. If I even thought about it at all, the thought was brief. As soon as I stepped off school grounds, I was swallowed by a corridor of evergreens and birch. They lined both sides of the two-lane road nearly all the way home, breaking only for the golf course. The sheer number of trees, the pink-orange dusk, and the sight of my breath curling in the air conjured a kind of dark magic. I drifted through it, brooding and proud Reveling in my nastiness. Quickly, I realized something was wrong. This wasn’t New York City, but even in a suburb of Boston, lots of cars drove by. The first six or seven cars that drove past me were flashing their high beams and honking their horns. I took off my headphones so I could hear cars coming, and I would walk off the side of the road into the trees, but still, almost every car was honking and flashing lights at me. It wasn’t pitch black out, and reflective clothing for pedestrians wasn’t a thing yet. I couldn’t understand what was wrong. The sun continued to go down, and dark clouds started to bring light snow flurries. I tucked my hair under my black winter cap and kept walking. Kept moving forward. I paused at every car and stared at them as they drove by, honking. I did not understand the problem. I checked behind me, and looked to see if something was on my clothing or if I had left my fly down, but nothing. A car on the other side of the road stopped, and a man was yelling at me to get in. I was an ’80s kid, and I thought I was being kidnapped. I took my black tire iron out of my book bag and watched the man continue to yell something. I couldn’t hear, and when I didn’t move, he sped away quickly, still yelling, something about the sky. I thought maybe we were gonna get some nor’easter or something, an early blizzard. I picked up my pace, as I was starting to get concerned. Maybe the country was under attack, or something catastrophic had happened while I was at school. The snow was picking up, and the last edge of the sun was falling beneath the rim of this valley. I was approaching the golf course when I first heard it. It was a hissing grumble, something like a balloon letting out air into a broken subwoofer, or a big rig flapping a flat tire on the sand of an emergency off ramp. The sound tapped on my eardrum. It was almost more bodily than aural. There was an odor, too. It was geranium, but sickly sweet. I know that now because I still smell it on some colognes. The smell still makes me break out in cold sweat. I looked behind me for the source of the noise, but it was just more trees and a creeping sunset. I clutched my tire iron so tight my hand was throbbing and falling asleep. When I reached the golf course and the clearing, I saw it. It was about a hundred yards behind me and 20 feet up in the air. At first, it was the color of the sky. Not transparent, But the color of the sky itself. Orange and pink with blue and gray. It was a perfect circle at the beginning. I thought it was a halo cloud or some sort of strange light reflection, but when it noticed my gaze, it flashed dark black and then bright white. It wanted me to see it. It wanted me to know it was real. I stood still, looking up at it and trying to wrap my head around this thing stalking me home. Then it unfurled itself into a straight line and flashed black again. It fluttered like a windsock, its tail waving and twitching like a fly's legs. It swirled and feigned toward me, then retreated back again. I was weeping again, just like that kid in the Lacoste shirt. Fat tears rolled down burning cheeks. I was shaking and losing strength. I heard that rumbling hiss again, and the head of the beast flashed neon red. With this flash, I could see the mouth of this thing. It was a circular disc full of thick bumps or nodes. It looked like a hagfish or some other parasitic eel. But it was feet long and floating in the air. The geranium smell was choking me. I screamed as loud and as deep as I could. I yelled for it to go away, and it just flashed and twirled. It moved between light and dark shades and between a circle and a line. It wouldn’t move away or approach. It stayed tethered to me as I walked backwards with my tire iron raised. I was another fifteen minutes from home. It was playing with me. It would inch closer until I yelled, and it would retreat and hiss or cackle. No more cars were passing, and by the time I reached the old dump at the bottom of my street, it was backing way off. The night was almost full black now, and I would lose track of it in the waxing moon or behind some large tree top. I didn’t run or turn my back. I just walked slowly, barking and weeping. As I approached my front door, it stopped pursuing and began twirling around a streetlight at the edge of my property. It hissed loudly and warped. Then, like a snake, it made a strike at me. I swung my tire iron and missed, but so did it. I felt it brush past me. I felt something against my face. I rushed inside and slammed the old iron door. My mother was watching TV in the living room and looked over her shoulder at me. She said, “You can’t wear all black and walk around at night! You sure are a stupid girl! There is chicken surprise in the fridge.” And that was it. I never said anything about it. I told my parents I had the flu and took a week off from school. I didn’t wanna leave the house. After some time, I convinced myself that something else was wrong. Like I had been the issue. I don’t know how I did that; it was out of survival, I guess. I have pored through local folklore and cryptozoology texts, and I have never found anything. I thought maybe I was dosed with LSD or something, but I couldn’t have been, and LSD is different. It could have been schizophrenia, maybe a passing psychosis. But it was all so vivid and specific. The colors, the smells, the sounds. And what about those cars that drove by? Or the man who tried to save me? He knew a girl like me would be frightened. How did they know what was happening? How were they so sure? They all know a secret. There is a secret — a story no one says. I will leave it be. I know it was real. I know because I sat with that thing for hours that night. After I got home, I looked out my window and it came… It smashed itself against my old storm window. Its circular mouth latched to the thick glass pane. It vibrated and rumbled, shaking the glass. Eventually, it just stopped and hung onto that pane with its suction cup mouth. It was tired and swayed in the light breeze of a winter flurry. It was gray and long. I pulled my desk chair in front of the window and looked at it all night. By dawn, it was gone. But the circle of its mouth left a ring on the glass. I tried to clean it with all kinds of industrial cleaners and even a razor blade, but the glass had melted or corroded. The ring is still on that window. I drove past my parents’ house a few months back, and it was still there.

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They Called Her Hag

They threw her in a pit. This barbarous act was not the first time she suffered an injustice. She was keenly aware of the many reasons why, and being punished was no surprise. Outsider perspectives are prone to venture a variety of guesses as to the cause of such treatment, and some would think the punishment was due to her heterochromia and crooked, wilted frame, or ragged brown clothing and sparse, stringy hair. Another might think it was her warty nose and affinity for that small furry creature who followed her every step. These outsiders would conclude that the real justification for her punishment was not mere appearance. Strange events coincided with her presence, and her potent alchemic concoctions had been known to warp the fates of her patrons. People assumed she was a witch, and they were correct. Irmagen was accustomed to some ill-conceived restraint or ceremonial abuse around harvest and planting. The spring, in particular, gives rise to fanciful deliriums and rash behavior in the weak-minded pedants. She believed that “if one aimed at death, wounding was only courting revenge.” Her assailants arguably aimed to kill, but despite her ancient, withered form, she suffered nothing from her coaxed tumble. The courtship had begun in earnest, and Irmagen knew the next step was to approach the father before the proposal. Her given name may have been Irmagen, but the locals around these parts had a different word for her: Hag. The father in this case was a priest, and he had chosen to deposit Irmagen headfirst. This decision had murderous intent. Far from being shocked by this malice, she was surprised not to be a shattered heap. Irmagen was in a pit of great depth. The walls were steep, and all the root growth had been removed. To climb out through bodily means alone would prove impossible. She gazed toward the night sky as her thirst for redemption boiled. She pondered the vivid presence above and how it contrasted with the manner of her confiners. Tonight was cyclically auspicious, and Irmagen’s spite had woven the cosmos into endless sadistic possibilities. Her persecutors would suffer a cruelty tenfold what they had shown. Irmagen felt the presence of her familiar, a skulking, furry brown creature named Aker. It announced itself in a shrill screech. Peering down over the edge of the pit, it flung dirt below in mock defiance. The squat brown abhorrence quickly circled the pit, flipping and rolling. The creature was snickering and making exaggerated kicking motions with its hind legs, flinging cold dirt in every direction. The townsfolk called Aker a horrid, monstrous thing, but Irmagen knew the contract was set and Aker would serve. The Hag beckoned it to the edge of her pit with precise vocalizations, and it peered its bloated otter-like head down. Irmagen, once assured of its attention, again began making strange vocalizations, but this time, accompanied them with hand gestures. Aker cooed in understanding and dashed towards a nearby copse to fetch a fallen branch. It bustled itself about aimlessly, tutting from one fallen branch to the other until finding a specimen that appealed to its taste. Aker used its reticulated hands in conjunction with its razor fangs to strip any remaining bark from the carefully selected stick. Irmagen was pacing in her pit and conjuring more revenge schemes. At length, Irmagen was reaching the limit of her patience with Aker's performance, but before any reaction seeped through, she heard that familiar rustle of Aker’s paws in the leaf-laden grass. An instant later, a small tree branch dropped carelessly into the pit. Aker reclined near the pit's edge and folded its claws across its frog-like belly. The moonbeams shone perfectly on that beautifully rounded mass of guts, and the beams reflected onto its countenance, illuminating buckets of smug self-satisfaction. Irmagen picked up the tree branch and began making several passes over her head in a counterclockwise motion. After several dozen passes with the stick and ecstatic murmurs, she violently spat out a viscous black liquid. The liquid congealed at her feet, forming a wide circular plate with a deep notch on its surface. The Hag raised that branch again above her head and brought it straight down with fury; the base of the stick fit perfectly into the notch. Irmagen tested the thin perch to see that it was secure, and once she was pleased with her inspection, she leaped up with one foot. Now balancing her full frame on the tip of that stick, she lowered her head down; seconds later, she snapped her head back, shooting a furious perception toward those auspicious stars. Her grey eyes flashed gold, and the stick grew in length, steadily raising her from the pit. Once the hem of her robe was above the pit brow, she took one small step forward and landed like a bent fawn next to her familiar. The pair made their way rapidly to Irmagen’s tent. She riffled through loose satchels until finally producing a long, thin black hook-dagger; it was not like her to get her hands dirty, but seeing her Beltane celebration was ruined, she decided to take out her frustrations. Aker scampered about in a bloodlust fury. It was elated at the promise of malice, and rolled, clawing at the air. Irmagen lurched over to her alchemical chest. She unlocked the seal with an incantation, but paused a moment to ponder her options. The priest was so base, and her fury was so acute that she had not reflected on punishments. With the array of concoctions in front of her, visions of profound sensual debauchery and transmogrification wriggled in her warped mind. The youthful whimsy of creativity fled the aged crone, and she grabbed some powder of paralytic temper and a root of obscure cloaking. She stuffed the items into a belted bag, snatched her pyre staff, and cleared her throat in Aker’s direction. The creature halted its wriggling and jerked itself upright in a faux subservient manner. The woeful pair peered through the forest at distant lights ahead. The spring festival dance was illuminated so extravagantly that it served as a beacon. Meanwhile, in the town center, candles, torches, and more complicated riggings glowed brightly. A ring of haystacks encircled a large flat area located directly in the middle of the dwellings. A bandstand had been erected, and rustic instruments waited to be played. Tables and chairs were placed, and a wide array of home-baked confections were on display. An area to the side was sectioned off with a thin piece of twine. This area contained the wine and spirits that the adults were meant to imbibe. Daisy chains and other floral displays had been placed with meticulous care. The entire scene beamed with the muted grandeur of ignorantly misplaced equinoctial exuberance. A bent, sinewy being tore furiously at the corpse of a young man in a shadowy area just outside the centrally lit hall. This blanched white semi-humanoid figure was pulling fragments of fleshy bone from the carcass and devouring in a gluttonous rapture. Dark ruby blood sprayed from its slathering jaws as it chewed, and the thick hair on its chest and arms was drenched with the visceral drippings. Several similar scenes were playing out all along the cobblestone streets and beneath the thatched roofs of this town. Gurgles of the dying mixed with bellows of the feeding. Rank fumes of gore overpowered the flowery abundance of spring. Irmagen and Aker were approaching the town, and although the witch began to have premonitions, it was Aker who first caught the anthrocarion odor of bloodshed mixing with primordial musk. The familiar raised the sharp spines on its back and retracted its lips in preparation for an encounter now more precarious. Irmagen noticed her familiar’s demeanor and said, “Oh! It seems we will have more fun than we had expected.” The witch readied the hook dagger in her left hand with the blade facing downward. She hoisted the staff in her right hand, and it blazed deep orange before issuing black smoke. She hitched up her robe and, taking on a mocking prambulation, she made towards the outskirts of that town; her dainty feet barely stirring the dust. Aker followed close behind, crouching deep and dragging its belly on the stone path. Its lurking gait left a single unbroken slime trail on the earth as it crept. Upon arrival, Irmagen and Aker could see several homes partially destroyed, and through the windows of others, small fires were raging. Torn limbs, entrails, and unrecognizable remnants of humanity littered the streets. Loose scat, viscous saliva, and blood mixed in pools. Other liquids pushed through dusty cracks in the cobblestone. The lit center of town remained eerily untouched. It resembled a sacred circle protected from the surrounding massacre. It appeared as if the dance were set to proceed as normal. Irmagen proceeded with a confident caution, and Aker remained her skulking shadow. The gorey debris draped about led the pair to an accurate assumption. Irmagen knew the primordial cave dwellers and their crude rites of spring. Identifying them as culprits was easy. Their rank genital odor arrived well before visual confirmation. A broad broken grin etched its way across the witch’s face. They approached the town center. Three hulking forms loped from the shadows; they greeted her with tyrannical posturing and churlish howls. Irmagen struck a mock demure pose and spat at their feet. The primordial dwellers stood aghast at the witch before them. In their primitive minds, they believed that they had completed their Beltane ritual. They remained behind to revel in the joy their slaughter had brought. Never had they imagined that such a presence was near. The two smaller dwellers yelped and stumbled into a hasty retreat toward the bandstand. The lead dweller narrowed its eyes, slackened its dripping jaws, and inhaled deeply, inflating its chest. It crouched down slowly, placing its front hands on the clean dirt of the dance area. Its thigh muscles rippled and bulged with prehuman musculature. Aker chittered madly at the sight of the dwellers, sprawling and hissing wildly. Irmagen was enthralled by the vision of beauty that crouched before her. She discarded her weapons and bounded over to the crouching dweller. She extended her left hand limply with the palm facing down. The dweller took hold of her hand and licked the back of it before rising to his feet. The pair tore off in a dexterous, graceful twirl around the lit area. They danced starting wide against the perimeter of the circle, but as they grasped hands and drew each other closer, the circle grew gradually smaller. Finally, their chests touched, and they whirled tightly in the dead center of the well-lit pavilion. Irmagen inhaled deeply the smell of rotten flesh and gore on the dweller’s teeth. Her mind was drawn back to an age of blood and fury. The dweller was content being led and basked in the glory of the eldritch creature that clung to him. The speed of this performance increased, and the two partners merged into one celestial body. The two dwellers not participating in the dance fled to the depths from which they crawled. Aker squatted in the shadow, chittering with covetous joy, and waiting for some unforeseen shift to free it from its obligation. The spinning and twisting pair approached the pinnacle moment, their bodies melded into an amalgamation. The surrounding artifice shook, and the materials closest to the pair started to be drawn in. The lights, hay, daisy chains, confections, alcohol, and instruments entered the celebratory maelstrom. The cyclone continued to grow, pulling in human remains and bodily fluids that were spread throughout the town. Irmagen essence craned its head free from the torrent and looked at the stars. The tiny age-old pinpricks of white light trailed into a singular glowing dot. She could feel her singularity begin to fade. Her personhood waned as she was pulled upwards. Her spirit tried to flee her body, but she caught it and held it tight. She dragged the entire scene to a crashing halt. The rapid turning of the dance came to an impossible full stop, and the dweller was ripped forcefully from her body. His material form was jettisoned out and burst from a forceful impact with piles of splintered wood and stone. Aker came scampering from its shadowy nook and gave Irmagen a probing sniff. Irmagen traced a pattern in the sky with her bent index finger and looked down upon her familiar. There was a long pause, but Irmagen ended it with a caustic cackle and said to Aker, “We are not done yet. Now, where is that priest?”

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Mandible Twitch

It was all a steady decline. The rate of the decline is up for debate, but what is not debatable is that the decline had begun. Can a slide into systemic madness be the catalyst for the action? It is best if I describe my own experiences during this period of regression. I never really had to work for anything; I mean… I have had jobs. I have worked for a paycheck. I have put some effort into existing, but I do not believe that I was ever really challenged. This is not a brag but an indictment of my position. A personal struggle with the day-to-day monotony of existence does not constitute a true struggle in a life-and-death sense. I was slow to notice just how unjust and deplorable the conditions had become. True industry has not existed in my lifetime. It was probably on its deathbed decades before I was born. The skeletal remains of this industry are scattered about. There are abandoned sawmills, fisheries, and dilapidated smokestacks marring most of the surrounding landscape. What I think I know of industrialism is, in reality, its final breaths. We, who remain, cling to this corpse of the industry for our meager incomes. Nothing, in a material sense, is truly being produced any longer. The only thing being produced at all is confusion, vitriol, and hatred. History has shown how such times of change fan the flames of tribalism and bigotry. Change makes people more insular and more extreme. Upheaval prompts some to seek refuge in the sanctuary of modern escapism, while others attempt to regress and find solace in the remnants of archaic institutions. Regardless, most people just dig in. I wonder what this place sounded like when the whole apparatus was functioning? Did the screech of the clawing metal carapace wrest one from sleep? Right smack dab in the center of everything is that huge construct. It insists on itself - on failed industrial hubris. The denizens perform their materialist dance in its shadow. The spire juts into the sky, and the expanse surrounding it seems endless. It has always existed, but oddly, the sign out front says established in 1997. There is another sign out front; this second sign reads "all are welcome." I do not think either sign is true. I remember 1997, but I don't remember this construct being built. It is possible I wasn't paying that much attention at the time. I was still a teenager then. I suppose I had other things on my mind. I honestly think the carapace, as I call it, is much older. I cannot remember a time when the thing wasn't there. As far as the "all are welcome" sign is concerned, nothing can be further from the truth. It gnaws at a person. Those thick beams and heavy geometric bolts. Those insectoid angles, invasions of the sky. I know it is no excuse for my behavior. It does grind at your soul. Saws into you. Cuts away chunks of your humanity. Breaks the gears that drive your machine. It is impossible to withhold judgment from that structure. Its presence is a judgment in itself. I grasped the basics early on. I believed the myth that education was needed to be a successful citizen. I struggled with the more complex areas of math and science. I wish I had just learned a trade. The world of liberal arts and relativism was a mistakenly chosen path. Too much relativism clouds the decision-making process. Too much perspective can paralyze those living in times of insistent architecture. I am not sure if I am thankful for the cynicism that comes along with that type of education, but the alternative - ignorance - always seemed like a worse fate. At the very least, my cynicism protected me from the trappings of hate-fueled tribalism. I still wish I could have learned to fix a small engine or even a chainsaw. Not so much for a career anymore… those avenues have all gone away… Fixing a broken machine at least gives one a sense of accomplishment. Accomplishment and productivity are difficult to find in the relativism that passes as intelligence. I often fantasize that the din of a small engine could drown out the gnawing and grinding. Drown out this social collapse. The din of a small engine might halt the staunch trench digging or construction of monstrosities. In 1997, I worked at the last remaining sawmill in town. It was called Henderson's Sawmill. Henderson's only served the local area. I worked there for 4 hours. They promised me ten dollars an hour, but by lunchtime, they had dropped the pay back to minimum wage. In hindsight, this was a bait and switch, but at the time, I viewed it as a failure on my part. Henderson's closed for good a few months later. My generation just didn't seem equipped to keep these businesses running. Not much was left anymore. There were discount stores, liquor stores, grocery stores, and superstores, but that was it. Just stores. If you wanted to stay in town, you could stock shelves or be a cashier. People still had pride in their materialism; they still needed things. The stores had those things. We stopped making things. Maybe that carapace did go up in '97. It would make sense. People needed something to cling to or hang from. People needed to make a connection to something. People needed to create and belong. It is a shame that in the end, all those people would be creating something so destructive and intrusive. I jumped the fence to Henderson's Sawmill a few weeks back. It wasn't much of a feat. I didn't even really need to try that hard. It is not like there was much left to steal. Most of the time, when places like Henderson's close, they just sit and rot. The global bank didn't even deem it worthy to repossess. The bank sends a man to buy a "no trespassing" sign. That's that. Nature will take care of the rest. The building will just crumble where it stands. To some, it sits as a reminder of decay and waste. However, I had a use for it. I needed a ten-inch circular saw blade. I could get that blade from one of the smaller machines. You see, I had this idea. I had an old wooden baseball bat, and I figured with a little ingenuity and a large nail, I could affix that saw blade right to the top of that bat. You know, kind of on the side. I would have myself a little makeshift axe of sorts. Something that probably looked more fearsome than it was, but we weren't allowed sharp things anymore, or you couldn't buy them at the store. I could have taken a blade much larger, but I still wanted to be able to swing it. I didn't want it to be too cumbersome, too heavy, you know. I wanted something light. It didn't take much rummaging to find it. Nobody could see me anyhow. Not too many people looked around anymore. Nothing to protect, really. If I stayed away from the stores and the eyes on that carapace, I could remain invisible. It's absurd how invisible one can become when nobody has a use for you anymore. I know it was all in my mind, but I could hear that blade spin - like an angle grinder. It was working. It covered up the din - the hum of those lights, the wire nooses that dangled from steel beams. When I concentrated really hard, it would even cover up some of those chitterings of hatred that seemed to blast forth from that construct. "All are welcome." How funny. Another lie of that never-living bug. That monolith to dead industry. The hypocrisy of my desire mixed with my relativism. My cynicism crashed against my humanity. The blood in my brain was pumping so hard I could feel it. I was thinking too much. It is never good to think too much. It is like redlining an engine. Running at this speed for too long is bound to snap something, or at least that's what I've been told. My saw blade was spinning on that nail too fast. Again, I have no firsthand experience in anything. Let alone psychology or mechanics. I needed to trust something, and I chose my construction, not theirs. There were no delusions of grandeur, no aspirations to escape.  What was left to escape to anyway?  Another few decades of this?  Another few decades of that buzz that gnaws at a man's soul, another few decades of hearing the din of synthetic metal carapaces. I knew I didn't want that. Floundering hopelessly in this disordered space needed to end. It was time to confront that "All are welcome" sign. If I could just accomplish the simple task of repairing. Repairing a broken cog in this ancient machine. I decided to swing overhand and down first. I would aim for the wooden pole on the left. No sirens, no hum, no din, no buzz. I don't think anyone noticed I cut the sign down. I saw the carapace move, though. It almost turned its giant metal head a bit. I saw its mandible twitch. That was it, though. I threw the sign over the fence at the old sawmill.

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Just As Soon Blow You Away

I stopped looking for trouble about twenty years ago. It was a sticky, blurry night in Buckeye, right outside of a pool hall. I got too big for my britches, and some mean son of a bitch gave me a trip to the hospital and a yard of stitches right down the middle of my torso. It was all my fault. I thought I was funny or something, but not everybody thinks I am as funny as I do. Not everybody has the same sense of humour. That version of me wasn't really me anyway; I was playing a part. Before yesterday, that was as close to a body bag as I've ever been. Yesterday, I was driving Carol down Route 10 from Chandler. Carol was a mess as usual. I've been in love with her for as long as I can remember, but she loves another type of man. She likes 'em skinny, mean, and addicted to pills. She likes the ones who grab her right under the shoulder near the bicep. The ones that grab that bicep a little too tight and hold on a little too long. I accepted the fact that Carol ain't ever gonna change, but neither am I. So, when I get a call that one of these boys crossed a line, I jump in the old Pacer and make that drive. I'll spare you the details.  I arrived early, grabbed Carol's duffel bag, took care of a few loose ends, and we were driving back along Route 10 before the sun hit its peak. The Pacer doesn't have AC anymore, so we have the windows down. We both are chain smokers anyway,  So six of one, half a dozen the other.  I've got Robert Earl Keen's "A Bigger Piece of the Sky" in the tape deck. Carol bought me this car stereo for my birthday a few years ago. I didn't have any 8-tracks left, so she told me, "You deserved some music." It was very sweet of her. She even kissed me on the cheek that day. I nearly told her how I feel about her, but I stopped myself. I figured, why ruin the moment? I had that v8 pegged at the top of the speedometer. It only went up to 85, but I wager I was closer to 100 when I saw those flashing lights up ahead.  Some state pig was pulled over on the side of the road. I slowed way down. The speed limit on that stretch wasn't a big concern, but I wasn't sure why that pig would be out there. He had put some cones out and was all by himself.  As I crested a bit of a rise where the blacktop and sand got a bit greener. I saw a huge dust devil rising about 20 or 30 feet. The pig was standing off the road, staring up at it and talking into his tactical vest. Carol let me know she casually, that she had nothing on her, as she clicked her seatbelt in. Good thing she did. Because a second later, I slammed those brakes and screeched to a full stop. That pig had pulled his service weapon and was firing off into that dust devil. I stared at Carol as she tried to get under and behind the seat at the same time. I said, "what the hell is that pig doing?" I am not sure if I said it out loud or in my head, but I am sure I said it. Carol started screaming like a fire alarm and pointing out her window. I followed her finger right to that dust devil, and I think I started yelling, too. Ai inspired by Bernie WrightsonSomething was swimming around in that funnel. Something that had the shape of a person, only it was huge. Maybe 15 feet tall.  You know that thing when a fan is spinning so fast it looks like it is moving slowly, well, whatever this thing was, it was spinning like that. I could make out a few features in between the swirling dark sand and debris. It has long arms stretched out almost in a Christ pose. The ends of its arms looked like bushels of barbed wire or sharp clusters of thorns. The thing was lean or barely there at all; it's hard to say if it had a shape or just the shape of a shape.  Maybe my mind was filling in blank spots, but I'm just reporting what I saw. There was a head and face-two bright white holes for eyes, and a mouth. The mouth was like a torn burlap sack filled with broken glass, and it ran across its head shape - vibrating and shaking.  It was almost like it was talking or yapping.  I heard a sound like a train whistle. It hit me right behind my ears. Carol and I started laughing at this point, laughing or screaming. I had tears rolling down my face. It felt like we were caught up in something. I can't really describe how I was feeling. I guess it was panic or chaos, and that scar down my torso felt like dry ice under my shirt. I watched that pig empty his revolver into the air, and I swear he threw his gun at it, like some 50's spook show. That was it for him. He was done protecting and serving. He tried to run away, but before he could even turn around, that dust devil's outer edge kissed him, and he burst like a balloon, spreading bloody confetti all over the sand. The sounds were all mixed up. I couldn't tell if Carol was going off like an air raid siren or if there was a train coming. That v8 was gonna split in two, but I had the hammer down so hard my foot had pins and needles.  The Pacer was shaking like a cat passing a peach pit, and I felt the bumper get torn off. I knew if those back tires lost traction, we were done for. I was saying butchered versions of Hail Mary and expecting a grizzly end.  I kept looking in the mirror, and those white eyes were lined up right in the rear window. That thing's razor mouth was almost smirking as it smouldered down Route 10 behind us. I was losing ground.  But just then, four cherry tops came screaming up the other side of the road, sirens blaring.  That dust devil stopped dead and waited. The pigs hit the brakes, but it was too late. Those cruisers got tossed all around. The devil was like a toddler throwing toys out of the crib.  The train whistle pitch got even more shrill and combined with the broken sirens.  I kept the hammer down. I smashed that gas pedal so hard for so long, I think I shattered my foot. Carol and I were hooting and hollering like the Dukes of Hazard, punching the roof of that Pacer and laughing. I didn't slow down until we hit Buckeye.  I stopped and got two bottles of mescal, and we went to Carol's mom's trailer. We told her everything, and she cackled at us.  Only it wasn't like she didn't believe us, it was more like she did.  She said, in the way only her sun-bleached brain could, "Well, no real people got hurt, and you're out a bumper, sounds like you got a good story outta the whole thing." She was right, I suppose. I reckon it's just one of those things, and I am just one of those people.  Doesn't matter if I ain't looking for trouble, it will find me.  Before I left Carol that night, she hugged me and whispered in my ear, "I am gonna stick around Buckeye for a bit, I think my mom needs me."  I left the Pacer by that trailer. I didn't think about that dust devil once the whole walk home.

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Not Quite Fiction

High Life

Gyro walked into that little diner tucked between the abandoned buildings that still sang of an industrial past, few remembered. He brushed the curly, greyish-brown hairs behind his ears so they wouldn’t stick out from under the sides of his filthy hat. This act was more in reverence for a past respectability of decorum than an attempt to appear presentable. Gyro honestly couldn’t give a damn if he were presentable — and regardless, he was the only patron in this place. He took one big step with his left leg and landed his flat ass on the stool right in the center of the counter. He straightened his denim vest, rotated the Eyehategod pin on his left chest pocket so the letters were legible, and placed his logging chain–like forearms on the counter. The residual moisture from the humid air outside meant his heavy arms left a bit of a stain on the faux-steel countertop. He grabbed a napkin from one of those old holders, wiped the stain away, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it into the garbage can by the kitchen entrance. Gyro looked up, locked eyes with the server behind the counter, scratched his nose, and said, “Sorry ‘bout that, man. I’m gonna sit a bit — y’all still have those dollar High Life tallboys?” The server was a younger man than Gyro and wore a threadbare T-shirt clearly from the Salvos down the road. It was green and said something like Oregon Hill Girls Softball. Gyro sized him up. Ah, he thought, a college student. The shirt, to Gyro, meant: I’m not poor, but don’t wanna be robbed after my shift. Gyro could tell by the young man’s haircut that he could afford to look like he wanted to get laid. That’s nice for him, he thought. The young man grabbed a beer from the cooler, popped the top, and bleated out, “You need a glass?” “Nah, I’m good, man. But it’s cool if I grab a straw, right?” The young man shrugged with mild confusion and said, “Yeah, man, no problem,” matching Gyro’s vernacular. Gyro recognized this social coding and relaxed a bit more. He threw two bucks down immediately for the dollar beer, as if to say: If we keep this going, you’ll get a dollar per. Hundred percent return on your investment. Gyro laughed. He plunged the straw into the tallboy, and it squelched a bit — as those things are apt to do. Head down, Gyro took a long slurp off that plastic straw. He looked up at the end and said, “I know it’s weird, but hear me out. You gotta get the first one down quick.” The young man nodded quietly, with a bit of trepidation, but something about this guy felt like an old husky and not a pit bull, so he left it at that. “Two things, man,” Gyro piped up as he threw two more bucks on the counter. “Second verse, same as the first — and lemme grab your name?” The young man said, “Adam,” with a grin and popped another High Life can. “Pleasure to meet you, Adam. When you get a second, lemme ask you one more thing.” Gyro finished the first beer quickly, stood up, and hitched his pants in a singular motion. “I’m gonna grab a smoke — back in a jiff.” Gyro shuffled out with a limp that was more about warming up the old engine than it being broken for good. Adam looked around as if he needed to find a task to justify Gyro’s “when you get a second.” He was lost, like a kid who looked away for a moment, and recess was over. Adam was standing by the swing set as the elderly teacher’s aide waved him back to class feverishly. Shaking free of his displacement, Adam grabbed a rag and started wiping the bar top down like he was Sam Malone. Two minutes later, Gyro walked back in, shaking the dust from his vest in a self-aware mock of some old Western. He threw his pack of long cigarettes on the counter, stepped over the stool again, plopping down with a thud, and said, “Yeah, I pull these in three minutes. It’s an old habit — necessity over indulgence, you know? Grab one if you need it, Adam. This pack came with a few extras.” Gyro took a pull from the second beer. He took the straw out of the first one and stuck it in his pocket. He shook the first empty can and said, “This one’s done. Where you want it?” Adam picked up the can and threw it into the recycling bin by the fire exit. As he started to walk back toward the kitchen, Gyro said, “Oh yeah, let me steal you for one more sec.” Adam walked behind the bar and said, “Sure, man — what you need?” A tired clanging hissed from the beer fridge like a rattler through a megaphone. Adam tensed, stalk-still, and his eyes opened wide. Gyro’s right hand flinched toward the inside pocket of his vest with a deft accuracy unbecoming of his easy-natured mannerisms. Adam spoke first and said, “Sorry, it does that sometimes.” Gyro revealed his teeth, looked over his left shoulder at the front door, and said back at him, “It does now? Does it? Might wanna let the old boss man know he should get it fixed. Had me clutching my pearls over here. No telling how the locals would respond.” Gyro squinted as sharp as a hawk, and he pulled down the back of his vest to maintain a sense of dignity. He threw three bucks down and said, “Lemme get another of those bad boys real quick.” Adam grabbed another High Life from the cooler, popped the top, and walked back. He placed the beer beside the second one and gave Gyro the beat he needed. Gyro muttered, “Alright, brass tacks — but what’s the deal with that convenience store across the street?” Adam was taken aback. “You mean — oh, the Li’l Peach?” Gyro looked back at the door. “Yeah, that place.” Adam said nothing initially, but then, a tad indignant, “It’s just a store.” “Yeah, yeah — a store. In the Merrimack Valley, we used to call them a packie. But I don’t call them that anymore, see? Was that so hard? Gimmies are sprinkles now, too.” Gyro spread his arms wide and flapped them down hard against his sides. “Things change. Do I love it? No, I reckon not.” (The last phrase fell from his mouth like he was spitting out a tooth.) Adam wondered what the hell this guy was talking about. Gyro continued, “It’s just that when I was in that Li’l Peach, a couple of good ol’ boys were being real shitty to one of your college friends.” Adam bristled, as if caught in a lie. Then — brushing off Gyro’s correct assumption — he responded, “Real shitty? How?” Gyro started, “Well, you see, this student was waiting in line. They could’ve been seventeen or thirty-two — I can’t tell anymore. But what I could tell is they were trying to figure themself out. You know, like we all do, Adam?” Adam nodded. “Well, this person just waiting in line was too much for these good ol’ boys, it seems, and they went to fussin’ around like a couple of real blockheads. I’ll tell you, Adam, they were closer to my age than that poor student friend of yours.” Adam interjected, “Well, this is a blue oasis city in the center of a deep red state, and when people stray a bit too far in either direction, it can cause tension.” Gyro drained the rest of his second beer, handed the can to Adam, and took a sip from his third. He looked at Adam — and for the first time, Adam saw a flash of that pit bull in Gyro’s eyes. Gyro uncorked a grin that projected so much malice it could’ve frightened the white off a skunk. Adam’s heart was off to the races. As the grin slipped away, Gyro said, “Adam, you’re a young man, but you seem up on things. I’m gonna guess 1967 is outta your wheelhouse? Eating fifty eggs and all probably makes no sense to you? Am I right?” Adam hadn’t the faintest clue, but he knew something had changed. Have I over-served this guy? Does a straw make that big of a difference? Adam panicked, glanced under the steel counter at the baseball bat below, then up at Gyro’s arms. He swallowed reflexively. Gyro fired back, “What about Guns N’ Roses?” “Yeah, my dad played them when I was a kid.” “Cool, cool. Common ground. Well, you see, GNR had this song — ‘Civil War’ — and it’s not really about General Lee and all that mess. That’s irrelevant,” Gyro continued. “In that song is a little sample from a movie. It just says, ‘What we have here is a failure to communicate.’ I might be thick as shit, but I know what I’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” He leaned forward. “The question becomes — with whom? Now, before you and I got so friendly, I was sure this failure was with the good ol’ boys across the way there. Now I feel like maybe the problem is here between us. Do me a solid there, Adam…” Gyro picked up his smokes and opened the pack so one was hanging out a bit longer than the rest.“Why don’t you grab a quick smoke and take a long think on what I’m saying.” Adam froze, shaking a bit. He picked the cash up off the counter and waved the cigarette off, then said, “Those hicks across the street were picking on a trans kid, right?” Gyro pointed his finger like a gun, timed the trigger pull with a mouth click and a wink. “Bullseye,” he muttered, and took a sip of the High Life. “Yeah, it sucks,” Adam said, “and I’m sorry it is that way. I don’t know what to do.” “That’s a whole bunch of I’s, Adam, my friend,” Gyro replied with a husky-brand grin. “The question you’re circling around is: What are we gonna do about it?” Gyro continued, “You know, you college types get one thing right. This whole socialist ideal. It’s utopian and sweet as Tennessee whiskey, but this whole we thing we’re talking about — I’m not referring to we the people. Let’s say it’s more of a Freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guildmaster and journeyman kinda we.” Gyro threw five one-hundred-dollar bills down. “One more of those bad Larrys in that cooler and I’ll be outta your hair.” Adam froze. What was being asked here? He mustered an “um,” but Gyro interrupted: “Hear me out, Adam. Distribution of labor and fair wages, right? Let me be honest with you for a moment. The heavy lifting here is all done — I took care of the problem. Ain’t no amount of old Ben here gonna change that. So relax that heart — it’s humping away like a March hare. Good news, bad news here — playtime is over, but your stakes are low.” He growled the last line like a stag. “I got two paths here. The one out that front door ain’t gonna be much fun for anyone. So I was hoping I could slip out over there through that fire exit. Say yes to that, and I’ll get one follow-up, and I’m gone like the wind.” Adam nodded. Gyro pulled two heavy work gloves from his back pocket. They had spatterings of fresh black-red liquid on them. He put them on the counter. “Pop these on your hands when your shift is over. I left a little cooler by that dumpster behind the package store. Grab that thing with these gloves on and throw it somewhere a good distance from here — I ain’t gonna tell you where, let’s call it dealer’s choice. That’s it. And like I said, I’m Rhett Butler.” Adam found a stiff upper lip deep in his dungarees and said, with a bitterness that seemed impossible moments ago, “Couple things here — first of all, that fire exit has probably not been armed since your Guns N’ Roses days. So have at it. You could’ve walked out of it before I even saw you. Second thing is, if you think I’m doing fifteen years for five hundred bucks, you’ve read this whole thing wrong. I’ll keep the money. I don’t know what’s in that cooler, but it’s gonna sit where you left it. And I’ve already forgotten you mentioned it.” Gyro’s eyes watered like he’d been punched in the nose. He stood up and said, “Okay, my friend, I was simply asking for a favor in bad faith, and you’ve made your stance clear as those mugs behind the bar.” Gyro’s jaw raged and stretched with restraint as he croaked out his last appeal. “I mention real life and your humping hare heart starts to shiver like Fiver, so I’ll spare you the details — but somebody’s gonna need to put some mining gloves on and start digging. Toss some rotten souls in a cooler by a dumpster. So yeah, I’m the crazy one!” Gyro caught himself just then and smiled like a coyote caught sniffing around the chicken coop. He took off his cap and pushed his greasy curls back. He smoothed his beard into a cone of grey Brillo. He grabbed two Reds from the pack and left the rest on the counter. He knocked the middle knuckle of his index finger on the counter twice and said: “More things in heaven and earth, Adam.” He began to saunter out, stopping to look at a crusty old icon of Saint Christopher hanging from a wire around a GRK wood screw. He laughed because he hadn’t noticed it before, and sighed like a V8 with no cat — it was pure but stank of irrelevance. A sigh stretched across the countertop, and Gyro was gone with just enough movement to confirm his exit. Adam grabbed a Pliny the Elder double IPA from the cooler, popped the cap with his keychain, and took a big pull from his pen. He perched on Gyro’s stool and flipped the pack of Red 100s over with his thumb. A single business card in the cellophane was embossed: Sorry about the dance, thanks for the chance, don’t eat your peas off a knife. Adam chortled at the card and moved to pick up the bills, but something in the implication made him stop short. He sat for an eternity with that card in his hand. He laughed again, but this time it trickled into a dread of opportunity missed. His doubt was eventually interrupted by the opening of the front door. He shot his eyes toward the noise. Three kids in brand new VCU t-shirts entered the room, followed closely by the aroma of fresh soap and baking soda. The one in front said: “What’s the Wi-Fi password?” Adam cleared his throat, averted his eyes, and pointed to the chalk sign by the menu stand. The password was: P@ssword123

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Deer Jerky

There is a deer jerky farm about two hundred yards from my bedroom. I can hear them yelling at all hours. It is usually not a yell of distress, but more of a plaintive moan. There are around 20 or 30 of them behind a short fence at any given time. I don’t know too much about different types of deer, but they are, in my estimation, “of an exotic variety.” For the most part, I treat their existence in the same way I treat a lot of truths about this town; I try not to think about it too much. This morning, however, the sounds and tumult were different—different in a way that required something of my active attention. I put on my vest, pants, and boots. I tucked my hair under an old cap. I left the front door, lit a cigarette, and began walking toward the noise. Within a few seconds, I could see an old woman sitting on the ground by the fence. She was just off the road and sat calmly on the ground facing the deer. She had a ?shotgun? on her shoulder with the business end pointed upward. I paused for a moment. I know how I appear to the people around here, and although I do my best to blend in, I never know how I will be perceived. There are essentially two types of people who live in this area: locals and city folk. I don’t look like either. I could tell something was wrong, and I wanted to be of some assistance, although under most circumstances, I am not capable of much when it comes to animal husbandry. I proceeded with caution because I didn’t want to spend the rest of the weekend pulling buckshot out of my ass. I waited just long enough to see that she was sobbing. Her head was down a bit and shaking. The deer were making odd noises. I jingled my keychain and cleared my throat loudly to announce my presence. She saw me coming and looked up for a second. I hear her murmur, “ain’t nothing you can do.” I clear my throat again and say, “What was that?” Even though I had heard her just fine. She repeated herself and pointed a puffy little paw toward the deer behind the fence. The deer, all of them, were crouching down, like cows do before it rains. It was a mournful spectacle as they moaned and shrieked. Their heads were tilted towards us, and the sunrise and residual moonlight made their eyes glow. I saw one disappear suddenly—not really disappear as much as fold in on itself. It happened in a blink, and I didn’t register it with the impact such an event warranted. I took off my cap and took a step closer to the fence, but the old woman stopped me with the barrel of her gun across my waist. I looked at her and she just shook her head. The next moment, I saw another “vanishing,” but this version of disappearance was far more vivid and detailed. I felt it first, like a plunge. The ambient air pressure shifted, and smoke took over the air. Not mist, but wet heavy smoke. The thing menacing the deer was at first discernible via reflections of light. The remnants of the moon still hanging made sections of it shine white, but not a white I had ever seen before; something about this lack of colour was mocking…ridiculing. I began to make out its shape. It was round with a flat base like a dome. It was too amorphous to be any land animal. It shifted and oozed, moving in segments and jerks. There were other appendages—attached to it, things like mouths that stretched out cylindrically. They never moved from the body of the form. They grew outwards without motion, like a maudlin heave or sigh. I could feel it looking, I felt a primordial sense of being prey, as if we were all being stalked from above. This entity was more a being of urge than a being of matter. The sound that emanated from this monstrosity froze the deer. It was a grinding halt to all-natural noise. A vacuum of nature’s order replaced what I once knew as aural resonance. It sounded like thousands of tons of concrete falling onto a titanium floor. Clanging, bashing, and bending with fury. There was a sharp malodour…an assault on all cleanliness. It was the stench of death, but not the death of an individual— death as a phenomenon. I would have screamed, but my throat would not open, and I began to either retch or choke. This sprawling void had robbed me of large portions of my biological functions. A lone hart was close to it. This buck was too close. The aura surrounding this thing cast its net, and the buck wasn’t strong enough to pull away. The mouths heaved toward him, and instantly the buck was ensnared. This enigmatic horror was tearing its way through him. I saw small blisters and boils start to form on his skin. His face was frozen, locked into a contorted confusion. Tragically, the vacuum of natural sound faded, and I could hear the screams of agony coming from what remained of that deer. The blisters had blossomed into crimson flowers or fistulas; he was being shredded or boiled alive from the inside out. This conscious semi-material pestilence had invaded and corrupted his entire body. I was robbed of my spatial awareness. Was the fence gone? Where was I standing? I scrambled backward like a silverfish toward a tub drain. The next thing I remembered was the feeling of sand or salt under my fingernails as I clawed along the blacktop back toward my home. The entire valley had gone stark white. I flung myself back onto the rotten wooden steps that droop upwards to my porch. I was fully clothed in bed, the sheets were soaked through with sweat, and my boots had left grit and gravel on the top sheet. My fingernails were split and bleeding. I had dried snot around my nostrils, and my eyes and throat were itching and burning. I heard a rooster crowing, a dog barking, and the plaintive moaning of a deer. A gun blast rings in the distance. There was also the sound of a speeding car’s exhaust on County Route 9G

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“he’s friendly.”

“Mommy, I don’t like that dog,” pulled me from my morning stupor. I walked to the window facing the street, and I saw a woman carrying her young child back toward a house. I live on the second floor of a home in a small one-bedroom apartment. My living quarters exist in an area that could easily be imagined. I have no interest in who the neighbors are or what else might occupy these homes that surround me. I do, however, hear all sorts of people sounds, as they perform their daily tasks or hobbies. Strangers tend to clomp by, chat loudly, or do meaningless yard work; there is a near constant barrage of activity and busyness, but this child’s voice cut through the din of focus that I internally refer to as passive privacy boundaries. Despite not having children of my own…I am not yet so jaded that I won’t look when I hear a child in distress… As I saw that mother and child fade into the background of my vision, my eyes began to pick up on a lopping black shape. It was about the size of a large dog. However, its form was not conventional. It was reflective and oil-black with almost no discernible features. It was not a shade or shadow; there was nothing of the mythic or insomniac about it. The animal was also behaving much like a sick dog would. It wandered and made small circles, sniffing aimlessly in-between grass and pavement. There was something deliberate about its movements, despite the air of confusion. There was something waxed and greasy about its fur or flesh. For a moment, it looked like a seal: all blubber and sheen. The head was very round, and it did not have a tail—although its hindquarters swayed as if it did. I could understand why the child was frightened. The creature was sick, wounded, and alien. Was it menacing, though? I decided to call animal control, but before I went into the other room to get my phone, I swear the dog looked at me—I saw a black iris with the thinnest rim of white. I saw it, but I couldn’t have from that distance. In fact, I might have already turned my back when it registered. My phone read Emergency calls only. I can never make a call from this location, and I was already late for work, so I was going to call animal control from the car once I reached a better cell area. I finished getting ready, grabbed my coffee, and went to leave. As I said before, I live on the second floor, and because of odd architectural choices, the only entrance to my home is via a small porch. I have a cheap plastic swinging door with large transparent plastic windows. As I reached for the handle of that door, I saw that the dog had made its way up my stairs and was sitting on my porch. At this closer vantage, it was more clearly visible that something was very wrong with it. No ears, nose, whiskers, or lips. The entirety of the head was smooth and black. I wasn’t sure if it had eyes or a mouth. I thought that maybe this animal had fallen into something, some sort of industrial waste, or thick muck. I wanted to open the door, I wanted to help it, I truly did, but I was frightened beyond reason. I stood staring at it. I was trying to identify or diagnose the ailments. The animal did not seem to be in distress or agitated, nor did it show any of the signs of confusion I had noticed before. It sat calmly with its round head tilted. No, it sat calmly with its round head aimed at me. I could hear a low rumble or growl, I think. This might have been a rattle of lungs. I approached the door from my side, and the creature did the same. It could see me despite its condition. Every time I moved to open the door, it would approach and press its body up against the plastic. It was half preventing me from opening the door and half trying to squeeze into my apartment. It left greasy streaks and smears. I pulled back each time. I did not want it in my home. When I finally pulled back a greater distance, so did it. I yelled for it to go away, and it returned to its seated posture a few feet back. I stared at it, puzzled, and again I saw a flash of its eyes; this time it wanted something of me…wanted to be let in. Black canine irises with just a sliver of white. It was only for an instant. I had not reached a state of panic, but I was deeply vexed. Had this beast been any more menacing, I would have been frightened into action; had it been in pain or dying, concern would have forced my hand, but neither of those circumstances was true. It sat, silent and attentive. Almost tentative. It grumbled softly and asked me to do the one thing I was unwilling to do. Emergency calls only. Do I call 911? “Yes, help me, there is a dog on my porch!?” No, I didn’t do that. We love dogs, right? I hear it all the time. Humans say they like dogs more than they like people. The whole world can die in a movie, but if the dog dies, people melt down. People walk their dog off-leash, and when it jumps on you or sniffs your ass, they say, “he’s friendly.” IS HE? How do you know? Did everyone get some sort of telepathic animal sensitivity that I didn’t? And all the people who bought dogs during the pandemic because they were afraid of being isolated, and needed a companion? Now they couldn’t care less. They leave these creatures in a one-bedroom apartment for twelve hours while they pursue vanity activities. “Mommy, I don’t like that dog.” Of course you don’t. Why would you? Why would you, dear one? You haven’t yet projected your sense of existential betrayal onto a blank canvas. You personify innocence, so you do not need to project it. You have yet to understand that you are alone, and that nothing will ever appease that solitude. You haven’t yet shed your transitional objects. Trade in your teddy for some cookie-cutter expectable drudgery. “Mommy, I don’t like that dog,” The words of a…child. I wait fearfully with the mind of a...child. I must go do something. I had to go to work. I could not allow this dog to paralyze me any longer. I saw its mouth. I saw the mottled slit rip open and the slick red interior flounder through. It had no teeth. Just an ever-expanding gummy mass. This salivating lump transitioned from pale violet to a deep red. An overlapping tapestry of predigestion. What happened to this dog? I am now complicit in its suffering. I am now complicit in my own suffering. I am delaying the inevitable. I made myself late, and I put myself behind. “Mommy, I don’t like that dog,” I said over and over. I said it to the version of me that should have been. I am still saying it to my… I don’t like that dog. I don’t like your dog. Not like you do. Not in the way that you do! I had to go, So, I forced open the door and let it in. It trundled past me, wetting my left leg. It shook the part of itself it still thought to be its tail with unquestioned joy. It did three small circles around my kitchen. It sat on my plastic tile floor and gave an exaggerated yawn, exposing all its internal softness, again. Pure oil-black split horizontally; an endless corridor. Emergency calls only I called 911 in the car. It was probably not the best choice. I was agitated. I kept yelling, I don’t like that dog! I don’t like that dog! I don’t think I made my point. I am not sure if they hung up or if I did. It wasn’t a real emergency. I left my front door open, so the dog could come and go as it pleased. I wasn’t worried about it. What was it going to do? Destroy my possessions? I don’t own anything of value. No one does anymore. The TV? The TV is a thing people used to worry about. Mine was free, or I paid very little for it. So, if that oily mess ruined it, I would find another. It is just trash. The dog can have all my trash. I went through the motions of the day...In the way that I do. On my way home, I was half excited to see what remained of my apartment. I kept seeing flashes of that dark Iris. Flashes of that red toothless yawn. Flashes of that round waxed head. The door was still open, but the dog was not there—at least not in any of the places I looked. I listened too, but I heard nothing. Lots of flies got in, big juicy ones. There was a prominent oil stain on the kitchen tile. I touched it. It was dry as the oil had seeped into the plastic. I cooked some burger meat and mixed it with rice. I put it in an old bowl. I left the bowl on my porch. I still don’t like that dog. I haven’t seen that woman and her…child again. I wonder which house is theirs. I hope they aren’t frightened by dogs now. I hope that wasn’t a traumatic experience. It wasn’t. Nothing was menacing about it. It was just a sick animal.

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Sword & Sorcery

The Bandits of Soad Lake

Strif and I hacked out our meager existence as bandits. Strif was strong, but this strength was more inherited than through any effort of his own; he was born large and broad with a constitution that put most to shame. Over several seasons, I looked on as Strif would bludgeon man and beast with his gnarled oaken staff; he called his staff henbane, and when it struck solid, the reverberations would hit like a thunderclap. I lacked the constitutional power of Strif, but where I lacked strength, I made up for it with precision and cruelty. The edge of my blade knew no mercy and saw no distinction: Knight, hare, monk, or fawn. All blood was the same in my eyes. Strif and I met by chance in a small country village named Mendon. We immediately recognized each other for what we were and decided to work together as our solo endeavors had reached a natural end. Mendon rests near a rarely used trade route and a large lake named Soad. I recognized that the sheer cliffs surrounding the lake would give us a strategic view of the entire road, and I chose an alcove on those high cliffs to begin our plundering. Our cliffside nook served as a vault, abattoir, and home. My plan was a simple one; we would watch the road from our high perch and strike out at select targets. The length of our alliance benefited from its spectacular strategic height. Another advantage of our location was the relative obscurity of the road; it was undiscovered by the more tactless and greedy bandits of the area. I explained to Strif that if we maintained our decorum and struck only select targets, we would avoid drawing too much attention. The lake possessed a nasty reputation in the countryside, and naïve superstition was rampant around Mendon. The folktales of curses and ghosts helped to ensure that only uninformed outsiders would choose the route by the lake. Strif and I concluded that if we dumped all the evidence and victims of our crimes into the lake, we could cover our tracks almost indefinitely. Our effort to conceal any misdeeds would ensure that by the time anyone knew anything was missing, all material evidence would have disappeared into the murky depths of the Soad. I remember those odd nights and harsh conditions nearly as keenly as the vast spoils we accumulated. Despite our distrusting nature and relatively new partnership, Strif and I never squabbled over our shares. I was too weak to best him in battle, and he was too aware of his human disposition for sleep. Mutual fear kept an uneasy alliance. Daily, we would sit perched in that alcove and watch the road for signs of life. A victim drove every carriage or cart that passed. Strif and I always had ample time to scurry down and verify that the loot was unaffiliated with any “attention-grabbing occupants.” We would then lay traps and hide nearby. Malice and precision would always ensue. Strif would lug the goods, and I would mop up the remnants of life that persisted following our attack. Once or twice, we got a little lazy and nearly flubbed the whole game on some loosely affiliated lord or lady, but we always lucked out and could pull back at the last minute. On some nights, up in the alcove, I believed the ravings of the people of Mendon. Certain feelings and motions drove me to wrestle with the rumors of a curse. These legends did serve Strif and me. We, as bandits, were starting to embody the horror of this folklore. The stories of ghosts and curses seemed to give us dominion over that region. But as we became more familiar with our surroundings, we started spotting strange things; we noticed dark stirrings would happen in that lake. Large masses would shift or move, and…sounds bellowed against those cliffs. When the rains came, it would be much worse. On rainy nights with my vision obscured, I thought I could see all manner of things in that lake. Odd light would flash, and large, hulking masses would breach on that black water. Dim shapes crawl up on the shore. Strif swore he saw things that looked like shadowy dogs on the road, and once, we almost went down to investigate, but a bellow rang off those cliffs and sent us darting back to our perch. I laughed after, to think big old Strif running from shadows and spooked by some stray mutt. We tried to shrug off those unsettling nights. Soon, we could shrug no more. One rainy night, we suffered an invasion from hundreds of unnatural beasts; these frog-like creatures were small and strange. Their unearthly croaking shocked us to attention as we slept. Once awoken, Strif was whirling henbane like a cyclone; each impact emitted a squelch, and those frog creatures would nearly explode with a viscous slime. I stomped and laughed like a madman, my boots were caked thick with quivering, rank remains. I grabbed one of those beings in my left hand and gave it a long look; it was like nothing I had ever seen. The scant moonlight shining through the clouds lit up the creature’s purple skin and swollen grey tongue. It also had little bull-like horns on its diabolical head, and on each of the beast’s feet was a single hooked talon. I squeezed that bizarre little demon in my hand till it popped like a ripe fruit; the little bastard’s guts were as rancid as a crypt, and later the spots where my flesh met the viscera broke out in excruciating ulcers. I was startled by the event, but I eventually began to laugh like the mad frog stompers I was, and the rain washed away most of the foul innards. Lights kept flashing. Strif called those lights wisps. Another episode with the frog beasts occurred. I had just loaded up the bodies of a few unlucky travelers with stones, and Strif went off hauling them down to the lake for dumping. Moments later, I heard yelling and glanced in the direction it was coming from. I slowly ambled over to survey the scene. I took my time, stretched my back, and wiped the sweat from my brow. I was in no hurry to aid my giant companion. I had begun growing tired of our alliance and knew that even Strif would need dispatching before long. I thought if something else could do it, more power to them. I approached the shore and saw Strif standing by that blighted lake, henbane in his right hand and the body of some poor sod on his left shoulder; he was staring into that lake and shaking. He just said, “Frog!” I shoved him hard, but he did not budge. “Stop with your nonsense,” I said. He responded, “Big, this one was big.” “Dump that rotting sod and help me lug the goods,” I said. I spotted a few frogs jumping around and, with exactness, stomped several on my way off. I thought Strif was cracking up, and it might be best to cut him loose. A few more carts and I would be moving on. Frog creatures, bellows, and wisps be damned. I was disappointed that all this fortune and luck would come to this end, chased off by shadows and sounds. I knew I needed to kill Strif, and my best option was to strike while he slept. So, I started to lie awake at night. I was trying to get the pattern of Strif’s breathing; he was a strange character, and I never could get the hang of his breath. I began to think that he was trying to stay awake too. The lake had Strif spooked, or he knew I was up to something. I had to get some good wine, and if I could get Strif drunk, I could put him down for good, or maybe I needed to poison him. All blood is the same: Strif, those frogs, the travelers, those wisps. We knocked off a few more carts in quick order. My impatience was starting to make the whole ordeal sloppy; I stopped caring about keeping our low profile or stealth. I wanted nothing more than to murder that giant, grab my loot, and flee those cursed surroundings. Things kept getting worse at night; the Soad was alive. Every time we dumped a load of bodies in the lake, the night-time activity would double or triple. It was like we were stirring the pot. Strif would mumble, “feeding them,” Feeding what I thought, those little frog creatures? And what if there was a big one? I have seen henbane take down bears, horses, and oxen. “Feed those little bastards till they choke,” I remember saying. But Strif was scared, like he knew something was coming for him. I had to be careful; if old Strif dropped the fantasy of those legends, his attention would shift to me. I was coming for him. The whole lake was alive all night now. Lights flashed incessantly. I stayed awake and listened to the breathing and the croaking. I stayed awake and watched the lights pulsate. There was no rest. A grave odor permeated the entire region, and we never saw a soul from Mendon out after dark. Not long after that, the lake came for us in earnest. It rained nearly nonstop for several days, and the roads flooded out; no travelers came, and we lugged no loot. It just poured, and Strif and I sat in uneasy silence. This night felt like a fever. Croaking and bellowing would rise to a roaring cacophony of sounds that displaced the senses. I could not tell where the flashing lights began or ended, and the cliffs vibrated with noise. Those small frog beasts were everywhere. We just stopped squishing them and ceded to the fact that we could not stem the invasion. They flopped and wriggled in the pools at our feet; they infested the supplies, food, and loot. In the distance, the fetid lake bubbled with activity; it frothed like a mad animal, and monstrous black shapes were visible between those putrid waves. Strif noticed the road first. He saw them coming, hollered, and pointed, “Here they come!” I saw five or six large shadows lurching down the road. These shadows were more massive than before. Large as bulls and moved with a nightmarish rolling or slithering. By the time I collected myself and reached for my blade, Strif had hoisted henbane and was charging down the cliffs with violent intent. When I caught up to Strif, he was in battle position in the middle of that sodden road. Strif held henbane above his head with both hands and was screaming his war cry. The rain was coming in buckets, and the wind was at its full icy fierceness. The croaking bellows echoed around us so loudly that they nearly drowned out Strif’s rageful yell. The lead shadow rumbled slowly towards Strif. I strained my eyes and began to perceive our head assailant’s form; It was a giant, monstrous frog creature, nearly identical to the miniature version, but at this size, the horns on the fiend were enormous, and the foot talons were as long as the blade of a scythe. The beast approached nearer, and the horns lit up with an unwholly glow. The white glow illuminated the horror’s ragged lips and leering amphibious eyes. The monster’s aspect and ravenous furor froze me in terror. Strif did not waver; he stood firm and relaxed his fierce raving into a sneer that was, somehow, placid and sardonic. The monster charged at him with mouth agape, and with an impeccable timing born only from practice, Strif swung henbane with the desperation of imminent demise. The noise from that stalwart oaken staff splintering was as loud as a forest of trees cracking at the base. Henbane had shattered in Strif’s mighty hands. He was left holding a mere stump of its former glory. The Frog beast paid the blow no heed and chomped Strif in two with its massive batrachian jaws. The front end of Strif found its final resting place in that demon’s mouth, and his back half sputtered limply down that rain-soaked pass. More were coming; If I wanted to survive, I would need to run. I turned and raced for those sheer-jagged cliffs. I stumbled forward and began my vertical ascent. The rain had washed everything out and made my madcap dash more difficult. I held out hope that those infernal hunters also would be hindered by the downpour. Terror tangled in my guts like a thornbush. I clambered and clawed with rampant desperation. At each moment of egress, I seemed to be thrust backward by a torrent of violent droplets; I clutched my blade so hard between my teeth that I could taste the blood oozing from my gums. My fingertips were shredded by the rocky surface, adding a crimson tinge to the cloudy streams that sped past. Those beasts pursued me with a lolling ardor. I could smell their swampy odor. I made progress slowly upwards and caught sight of a deep crease in the cliff face. If I could wedge myself into that crease, the frog beast might miss me or be unable to continue their pursuit. I reached the crease, and with an agonizing effort, I managed to squeeze myself into that cramped nook. I cowered as far back as possible and could see the approaching light that drifted off those massive horns. I thought of Strif and how he called those lights wisps. I thought of how he said we were feeding them. Is this what our deeds had wrought? Had the act of dumping those bodies in the lake been us heaving dirt on our coffins? Did the blood I spilled seal my fate? Was all blood not the same? Did some blood have a cost? Was this meager crack on some abandoned cliffside where I was to draw my final, horrified breath? It seemed like a hellish eternity as those glowing wisps approached, but when that giant soulless amphibious eye peered into my hiding spot, the fear forced me to wish for the eternal limbo I was previously enduring. I was sure that from their outside vantage point, these beasts could not devour me. Quickly, my confidence was shattered by the bolting of a long, bulbous, grey tongue; in a split second, that viscid tongue was wrapped around my left arm and ripped me forward with overwhelming strength, nearly pulling my arm from its socket. My reflexes kicked in, and I slashed at the beast’s bloated appendage. I managed to sever a length of tongue from its main body. The demon retracted its volley, but what remained continued to stick and contract on my arm; I felt my bones crack. The tongue remnant finally relaxed and fell to the ground, spraying acrid blood. I was left with a lone working arm. I received a moment of respite as the frog beasts rancorously jostled for position, but soon they stopped the infighting, and in a coordinated effort, they all struck forth with a deluge of tongues. I dodged, ducked, slashed, and poked. During the battle, I desperately escaped garrotting several times, but, in the end, fortune favored this cowardly mole. The dawn had begun to pinken the sky, and the torrents of rain waned to a fine mist; the beasts retreated. I was alive and had left those creatures to suckle the noxious blood from their shredded appendages. My blade and this blessed crease had done what all Strif’s constitution and henbane’s might could not. I screamed hysterical curses and cackled like a mad frog stomper until my throat was raw. As the dawn passed, I cowered in my crease and wavered between exhaustion and agony until midday; I was worse for wear and had received more injuries than I initially thought. My left arm would never work again. That acrid blood that wept from those beast tongues destroyed my flesh. I left the loot up in that alcove. The beast can keep it; let them count it a tribute. Even if it were a midsummer afternoon during a drought, I would never return to Soad Lake. I am not some brazen fool! I did not survive because I was skilled or brave. I fought like the rat I am, and fighting like a rat is all I know how to do. I will die in a ditch somewhere with my throat slit by a hungry go-getter, but I will not rest in some frog belly.

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Brother Hercade

Midday approached as Brother Hercade stepped beyond a shaded area of the forest. He gazed upon the entrance to an unhallowed and decrepit temple of Jaageen. The monk wore a thick, hooded, long wool robe. Originally, the robe was uncolored, but years of use have stained it a brownish hue. Around his waist was tightly cinched a rope, and tied to the cincture were his order's most valued blessings. The first piece was an alchemic pouch of worn leather. The second was a thin, knotted cord with three knots. The cord was a material representation of his sacred vows. Each vow is a requirement of the Mirodaite order. Knot one represents stewardship to Miroda; strict adherence to respect and defense for the oppressed. Knot two, frugality meant avoiding material and spiritual excesses. Knot three represented fortitude; a stalwart will and bodily wisdom. Brother Hercade's final possession was two thin sandals. The worn-out leather barely protected his heavily calloused feet, but the shoes were indispensable. The Monk’s face had started to droop with age, but it maintained the angular features of an ascetic. His ash-colored hair was shorn daily into a uniform tonsure. His tawny eyes shone brightly enough to belie his age. Around his neck was a rectangular, carved wooden representation of his faith; this fetish was tied to a simple, thin straw-colored rope. The monk ran his thumb and forefinger down the edges of his charm as he contemplated the baleful temple before him. The temple retained its ancient and impossible configuration but was otherwise in disrepair. Vines and noxious flowers clung to the remnants of great silver pillars. The once-tall representations of the monstrous Jaageen were scattered throughout the courtyard, and some vile vegetation had recently been cleared off these statues and piled to the side. This clumsy attempt at restoration only reveals the impact of decades of neglect. The collapsed effigies, now slightly uncovered, still projected a monstrous presence that quickened Brother Hercade's blood. The monk scanned the remains and identified the splayed claws on the fallen idol's webbed appendages. Jaageen and his djeceik suffered near extinction years earlier, but occasionally Jaageenic activities would increase in an area of the countryside. These activities would quickly result in some unlucky soul discovering ruins such as this. A search party had stumbled upon this temple while they sought some missing villagers. The discoverers fled from the site and contacted the order of Mother Miroda. Brother Hercade was grateful to be the only monk honored to receive orders to cleanse. He stood transfixed on the cracked idols, but faith compelled his gaze toward the bizarre entrance to the temple. Hercade was unsure if he would confront acolytes exclusively or if djeceik themselves would be present. As his eyes rested on a shadowy form that gurgled and squeezed itself through a crack in that anomalous gate, the answer to his internal query was given. The djeceik were repulsively unnatural beasts. Slender branching arms splintered into multiple pitchfork-like points, and shadowy brachyuran skin made them nearly invisible in low light. Their “head” was recessed deeply between arched bony shoulders, and the mouths of these beasts were reticulated voids of luminous fangs. Any movements they attempted were seen as an incorporeal phasing or lurching. Haunting gurgles and squelching added a chorus to their visage. This djeceik, by Miroda's grace, made two fatal errors. The first mistake was that it had passed through the temple gate in the midday sun. If it had been night or evening, Hercade might have been unable to perceive it in time to save his life. Secondly, the monstrous half-shadow anticipated the freedom of isolation. It never imagined the monk of Miroda, or his keen attention to the gate. Hercade tugged gently on his knotted cord and walked, with the forthrightness of his station, toward that newly emerged creature. He made three rectangular passes with his right hand and blessed the beast with a spit of vitriolic words. The djeceik was caught unaware by the haste of this blessing and could barely attempt to block the volley. Upon impact, the abhorrent monster folded over backward, and before it could even flash its fangs or spew a curse, its crude spine shattered and shot through its shelled chest cavity. The corpse of this creature disintegrated into a vile pool of cloudy ichor. Hercade sat cross-legged before the pool of filth. He brought the fetish around his neck to his lips and inhaled three times. Upon his third inhalation, the first knot on his cord untied itself and fell slack. He rose to his feet in a single smooth motion and began his inspection of the temple gate. Brother Hercade gazed toward the geometrically bizarre doorway and began to feel vexation rise. The unnaturally transitory magic of Jaageen gave his followers the ability to travel through dimensional anomalies, and this gate’s architecture reflected these powers. The followers of Miroda were capable of similar travel, but their faith questioned the natural morality of such movements. Historically, monks of Miroda have been thwarted by the impassability that this self-imposed restriction causes. The gate Hercade inspected was a tangled lattice of stonework, metal, and semipermeable magic. The architectural details of the portcullis would be impossible to describe, and for those uninclined to magic, merely looking upon the gate proved painful. Portions of the temple’s interior were visible through the gate, but the monk concluded that for him to gain entry, he would need to find another access point. The temple’s structure was orblike and set deep into the ground at an extreme angle. Only an odd-shaped semi-circular perimeter was visible. Temples of Jaageen were known to plunge to great depths because the acolytes and djeceik preferred subterranean existence. At the height of his frustration, the monk was compelled by a shock of indomitable faith; Hercade’s glance was directed upwards to see a lone puradov as it flapped its feathery white wings. The bird soared forth from the tip of that semicircle, and Hercade recalled the duality of the puradov's freedom and responsibility. This portent of Mother Miroda assured him that access to the temple was attainable from the elevated site the bird had just vacated. The monk walked away from the gate toward the back end of the temple. He pulled his long cowl from the back of his robe and used this loose fabric to cover his mouth and nose. The arcane properties of Jaageen's flora were a well-guarded secret even to the Mirodaite order, and Hercade was wise to take precautions not to breathe in their fumes. He pushed through the queer overgrowth that surrounded the temple, and once he reached the rear of the structure, the monk was able to take in the extent of the sphere he would soon need to climb. The wall he examined was seamless and made from what appeared to be a single textured stone. Hercade would have to scale the wall using the utmost skill and precision. He lifted the hem of his robe above his knees, removed his sandals, and placed them between his teeth. He wiped the sweat from his palms, and once comfortable, he began his free climb up the coarse surface. The dome's curve rose to a great height, and the climb was challenging. Hercade struggled due to perspiration and fatigue, but in time, he attained the peak and crawled over toward a perceived flaw in the dome. The aperture he discovered was a slight crack barely large enough for the wiry monk to pass, but Hercade understood his task and trusted that he could force himself through. His duty was to sanctify the temple's font and dispel the stain of Jaageen; he would not fail. After he deliberated some intricate contortions, Hercade tried to slide through feet first and lower himself down, but the fragile nature of the crack thwarted his attempt, and he plummeted to the base of the interior. Thick stones and additional debris came loose and followed his body down. The rubble that fell alerted the acolytes as they plotted in the temple depths, and three of them quickly grabbed their heavy silver cudgels and raced upward toward the entrance. Hercade had landed awkwardly, and his left ankle was snapped in two by the fall; the bone ruptured through the skin. In addition, he suffered several deep lacerations and bone bruises. The debris that followed him down partially pinned him to the earth. In his pain-wracked stupor, he perceived faint maniacal war cries that emanated from the acolytes of Jaageen as they approached. Hercade plunged the depths of his faith. He shut his eyes tight and conjured an image of the soft white glow that radiated from the countenance of Mother Miroda. This image bolstered his strength, and he was able to entreat his second blessing. He tugged at his fetish cord and uttered concise incantations; he made three rectangular passes with his right hand. Upon the completion of this rite, his body became encircled by a soft golden glow. In a moment, he was jostled from the debris upwards, and his form rose momentarily off the ground. His injuries, wounds, and abrasions rapidly repaired themselves. The acolytes burst into the vestibule where Hercade convalesced, and when they discovered a Mirodaite monk as he received a blessing, the three zealots raved and turned back to escape toward the deeper chambers. The frightened acolytes decided to gather reinforcements and concoct a plan. Hercade again sat cross-legged to give thanks for his recovery. He repeated his prayer and completed his contemplative breath practice. The second knot lifted and untied itself. The cord again fell slack, and the monk was down to his final blessing. He rose from his seated position and began to search for his sandals. After he rummaged for some time, he found the sandals and returned them to his feet, in accordance with his vows. He was grateful to have reclaimed one of his few material allowances. The acolytes who fled met with fourteen of their accursed brethren in a secondary subbasement of the temple. The sect was clustered together and chittered their dismay at being discovered. Unlike the djeceik, the acolytes of Jaageen retain relatively human characteristics, but despite these vague resemblances, they could never pass in the world of man. The curses they received warped and disfigured their bodies and skin. Their complexions were dark green, and the tips of all their appendages festered with boils and poxes. Their teeth and fingernails were long and dark, and their irises were washed with a bright violet or purple tinge. They wore ragged hooded phthalo scraps and massive bronze amulets of Jaageen. The weapon of choice for these beings was heavy silver cudgels that serve the dual purpose of combat and flagellation. Chief among the acolytes’ losses was the ability to communicate in human tongues; the temporal and dimensional displacements of Jaageen robbed them of the delicacy of such acts; thus, their language became a guttural chirp, and the gurgles often emitted were more akin to the sounds of the djeceik. The mass of acolytes gestured wildly, and as reason failed them, they rushed the ascending staircase. Hercade heard the commotion and descended toward the subbasement where the acolytes had gathered. He arrived amid the chaos and startled the panicked acolytes. Several of the group raised their cudgels and wailed in defiance, but some of the wiser acolytes began casting displacement spells in the hopes of escape. Hercade reached into his alchemical pouch and removed a single bloom of Miroda. He waved the stout allium in a circular motion toward the crowd, and the flower released a large cloud of pollen into the room. The bloom of Miroda took possession of all the acolytes. A deep confusion turned to bloodlust in their withered minds. The seventeen half-men turned on each other in a fury of destruction. They brandished cudgel, tooth, and nail, and the mob scratched, hammered, and bit each other in unbridled rage. Normally, fatal injuries did not slow the torturous dance. Each acolyte perished in accordance with their battle skill and endurance, but due to the bloom's influence, even an acolyte with face and head reduced to a shattered pool would flop toward a perceived foe and continue the attack with the fervor of life. Crushed and dismembered limb fragments that were blasted from the battle crawled magnetically toward the epicenter of retribution. The Mother's full wrath spread glorious wings above the scene. In a short time, the dead mangled bodies of the acolytes melded into a singular writhing mass of splintered bones, rendered skin, and torn scraps. The blood pooled thick on the floor, and this result informed Hercade that the lump of viciousness could perform no further damage to itself. He waved the bloom in a circular motion for a second time, and the pollen dissipated. The spent allium wilted in his hand and fell. In front of him, the pile of gore burst into a bright white flame, and the unholy viscera vanished. Brother Hercade now stood eerily silent. His breath was calm, and he scanned the room. The keen senses of the monk noticed that the walls had nearly imperceptible cracks. The silver braziers that adorned the room began to dim, and the runed phthalo tapestries started to writhe and billow. Although his faith had earlier warned him of the presence of djeceik, Hercade was unsure of the density of their infestation in this temple. Within moments, dozens of the shadowy beasts oozed from the newly formed crevices. Valour and fortitude struggled against the monk's discretion and frugality, but the latter prevailed, and Hercade took flight towards a spiral staircase that ran deeper into the temple. As he fled, he realized that his sacred task to cleanse would now serve as his only salvation from the horde of beasts that pursued him. His journey downward continued in the pitch-black depths, and he balanced precariously close to a forward crash and failure. His feet were guided to each step through that darkness, and as he rounded yet another curve in the stairs, he could see a luminous purple barrier that protected Jaageen’s inner adoration chapel. Behind him, he noticed an additional glow, but unlike the relief he felt at the barrier’s light, this rear glow greatly disconcerted him; the mass of djeceik extended their malformed mouths, and their luminous fangs cast an incandesce on the back of the monk. The children of Jaageen were closer than he expected, and as he neared the bottom of the final staircase, the orbital socket of his right eye was fish-hooked by the grope of a razor-sharp tendril. The nearest djeceik had extended a limb greatly and struck the monk, and when contact occurred, Hercade became infected with the fiend’s necrotic material poison. The monk’s eye burst in a steamed hiss, and his head jerked sharply to the right. His body spilled forth and whirled. This tumble, though painful, was fortuitous as its momentum carried him through the barrier. The djeceik halted their pursuit at the entrance to the chapel grounds. The adoration chapel filled with a horrific glow as the shadowy beasts pressed their open mouths against the magic barrier. The pain of Hercade's injury surpassed his will, and he lay motionless on the floor to collect himself; squelching gurgles of wrath rang in his ears. Weakened by his injury and partially blinded, Hercade was bestowed holy encouragement to complete his task. He reconciled his fate, swallowed the bile in his mouth, and crawled his way toward the silver font that emerged ahead. The chapel was ornately decorated, but the extent of its grandeur was obscured due to the light source limitations. The monk was guided forward and relied on divine intervention to shield him from any unseen threats. A lone blessing that was meant to cleanse the stain of Jaageen remained on his cord. With each strain forward, his lifeblood was mixing with a necrotic poison, and the two contrasting fluids rapidly rained from Hercade's face. This holy bloodshed riled up the djeceik and compelled them to open their mouth wider and gurgle ferociously. The inadvertent effect of this animalistic response further illuminated the room. Hercade, now in this increased light, could make out a monstrous golem of Jaageen crouched behind the font. Once he had seen those rows of needle-like teeth and spine-dappled tendrils, he was shocked into desperate action. He made three rectangular passes with his right hand and lunged toward the central font. The moment his hand contacted the cool, smooth silver, a ray gleamed and pierced the temple depths; the vile purple fluid that previously swirled with malice in the deep basin was cleansed and transformed to crystal clear purity. Miroda's merciful gaze fell on the temple and evaporated the monstrosities that remained. The God's victorious herald was prone and maimed as toxic material rotted his flesh. Hercade completed an act of thanksgiving and brought his fetish to his lips for a third time. The final knot on his cord unraveled as his breath quickened toward its end. Stone and magic crumbled above him, and his vision dimmed to an opaque haze. The ground erupted beneath him, and a dank geyser of putrid air forcefully jettisoned his body directly upwards. Hercade was propelled through dense layers of rocky sediment and wood. Chunks were torn from his skin, and his limbs contorted into unnatural angles from the velocity of his rise. His screams of agony were stifled by the dirt that filled his mouth and shattered his teeth. The monk's shredded and broken body was ejected forth from the subterranean depths into the clear blue surface. He tumbled several times and landed with a sharp thud on the cool grass. Hercade's lone remaining eye caught a glimpse of that puradov as it now flew westward. His right hand, by grace, had landed on his cord of blessing. He struggled to move his fingers slightly and perceived that the acts of faithful devotion he had just performed had returned his blessing knots. The monk spat dirt and teeth from his ragged mouth and raised his shattered right arm to begin three rectangular passes.

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