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Allow me to offer an explanation...

Bio:

Nestled between the sawmills and the smokestacks are the homes and apartment complexes that shelter us—the former tools of industry. Some of these remnants get more attention than others. Some places might still even be described as charming. People still have pride in their materialism. People still garden, paint, and fix their fences. We all keep up with the Joneses in our own way.

To me, it all feels like pantomime. A performance of a bygone age.
But I suppose if it keeps them busy.

Who am I to find fault?

Their pastiche of busyness doesn’t bother me much.

That is, if I don’t think about it too much.

So I try not to think about it too much.

But some things aren’t as easy to not think about.

Some things force the mind in their direction.

Some things claw at your very essence.

I wonder what this place sounded like when the sawmills were running.

Did the buzzing persist all day?

Was there always a low hum or din blanketing the air?

Could you block it out?

Did people just get used to the noise?

Did the buzz claw at their very essence?

Through no fault of my own, I’ve always been relatively strong. Physically, I mean.

I’m no bodybuilder. I’m far too undisciplined for that.

It’s more like I was gifted with a strong constitution. That’s the word I use—constitution. It’s kept me alive long past what I expected. I never thought much about health or exercise, but somehow I remained robust, even well past the prime of my youth.

My back is still solid. I still function.
My forearms are large and defined. My hands mostly free of arthritis.
I show the signs of moderate self-abuse and subservient capitalism, but this form is still running.

Most of the time, I’m grateful it still works.

It’s good to have a functioning machine in times like these.

It’s good to have a strong constitution when things start to change.

I trust myself to persevere.

Author Photograph.

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The Witnessing begins in 2025

That star shone brightly  

off in the distant blackness overhead...
 

They didn’t mean to, and didn’t try.

They know I watch, the eye in the sky,..

The acolyte of the mad at the pulpit stood in front of nine other hulking figures.


The latest schism was his. (ours)

A flick, a quickening.

Momma calls it a kick. (listening)

I call it a usurpation...


Silence forever on the seam of nightmare.

desiring only to be understood as it endlessly seeks itself, but not to share...

A conceptual reimagining of the Alan Parsons Project's "Eye in the Sky," each of the ten tracks transmuted into a reverse libretto of macabre existential collapse. To be presented as an Interwoven Novella.

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I saw her just long enough to know she saw me too—
And poof...

It says here that you made this appointment because you are having some kind of nightmare?...

<OPERATION_MAMMAGAMMA.INIT>

It was a plain and measured somatic whisper...

 

Last known location EYE.1.9

Variable seized subject 

previous steward <MIA>Priority: none <inculcated>...

“I have a few thoughts for your…

Obituary?

Eulogy?

Suicide note?

Nothing formal as of yet, but we have time, I’ve never quite had time before...



 

Sirius_combined_complete_final (2)Artist Name
00:00 / 01:52

Latest Non-Member Post

Just As Soon Blow You Away

I stopped looking for trouble about twenty years ago. It was a sticky, blurry night in Buckeye, right outside of a pool hall. I got too big for my britches, and some mean son of a bitch gave me a trip to the hospital and a yard of stitches right down the middle of my torso. It was all my fault. I thought I was funny or something, but not everybody thinks I am as funny as I do. Not everybody has the same sense of humour. That version of me wasn't really me anyway; I was playing a part. Before yesterday, that was as close to a body bag as I've ever been. Yesterday, I was driving Carol down Route 10 from Chandler. Carol was a mess as usual. I've been in love with her for as long as I can remember, but she loves another type of man. She likes 'em skinny, mean, and addicted to pills. She likes the ones who grab her right under the shoulder near the bicep. The ones that grab that bicep a little too tight and hold on a little too long. I accepted the fact that Carol ain't ever gonna change, but neither am I. So, when I get a call that one of these boys crossed a line, I jump in the old Pacer and make that drive. I'll spare you the details.  I arrived early, grabbed Carol's duffel bag, took care of a few loose ends, and we were driving back along Route 10 before the sun hit its peak. The Pacer doesn't have AC anymore, so we have the windows down. We both are chain smokers anyway,  So six of one, half a dozen the other.  I've got Robert Earl Keen's "A Bigger Piece of the Sky" in the tape deck. Carol bought me this car stereo for my birthday a few years ago. I didn't have any 8-tracks left, so she told me, "You deserved some music." It was very sweet of her. She even kissed me on the cheek that day. I nearly told her how I feel about her, but I stopped myself. I figured, why ruin the moment? I had that v8 pegged at the top of the speedometer. It only went up to 85, but I wager I was closer to 100 when I saw those flashing lights up ahead.  Some state pig was pulled over on the side of the road. I slowed way down. The speed limit on that stretch wasn't a big concern, but I wasn't sure why that pig would be out there. He had put some cones out and was all by himself.  As I crested a bit of a rise where the blacktop and sand got a bit greener. I saw a huge dust devil rising about 20 or 30 feet. The pig was standing off the road, staring up at it and talking into his tactical vest. Carol let me know she casually, that she had nothing on her, as she clicked her seatbelt in. Good thing she did. Because a second later, I slammed those brakes and screeched to a full stop. That pig had pulled his service weapon and was firing off into that dust devil. I stared at Carol as she tried to get under and behind the seat at the same time. I said, "what the hell is that pig doing?" I am not sure if I said it out loud or in my head, but I am sure I said it. Carol started screaming like a fire alarm and pointing out her window. I followed her finger right to that dust devil, and I think I started yelling, too. Ai inspired by Bernie WrightsonSomething was swimming around in that funnel. Something that had the shape of a person, only it was huge. Maybe 15 feet tall.  You know that thing when a fan is spinning so fast it looks like it is moving slowly, well, whatever this thing was, it was spinning like that. I could make out a few features in between the swirling dark sand and debris. It has long arms stretched out almost in a Christ pose. The ends of its arms looked like bushels of barbed wire or sharp clusters of thorns. The thing was lean or barely there at all; it's hard to say if it had a shape or just the shape of a shape.  Maybe my mind was filling in blank spots, but I'm just reporting what I saw. There was a head and face-two bright white holes for eyes, and a mouth. The mouth was like a torn burlap sack filled with broken glass, and it ran across its head shape - vibrating and shaking.  It was almost like it was talking or yapping.  I heard a sound like a train whistle. It hit me right behind my ears. Carol and I started laughing at this point, laughing or screaming. I had tears rolling down my face. It felt like we were caught up in something. I can't really describe how I was feeling. I guess it was panic or chaos, and that scar down my torso felt like dry ice under my shirt. I watched that pig empty his revolver into the air, and I swear he threw his gun at it, like some 50's spook show. That was it for him. He was done protecting and serving. He tried to run away, but before he could even turn around, that dust devil's outer edge kissed him, and he burst like a balloon, spreading bloody confetti all over the sand. The sounds were all mixed up. I couldn't tell if Carol was going off like an air raid siren or if there was a train coming. That v8 was gonna split in two, but I had the hammer down so hard my foot had pins and needles.  The Pacer was shaking like a cat passing a peach pit, and I felt the bumper get torn off. I knew if those back tires lost traction, we were done for. I was saying butchered versions of Hail Mary and expecting a grizzly end.  I kept looking in the mirror, and those white eyes were lined up right in the rear window. That thing's razor mouth was almost smirking as it smouldered down Route 10 behind us. I was losing ground.  But just then, four cherry tops came screaming up the other side of the road, sirens blaring.  That dust devil stopped dead and waited. The pigs hit the brakes, but it was too late. Those cruisers got tossed all around. The devil was like a toddler throwing toys out of the crib.  The train whistle pitch got even more shrill and combined with the broken sirens.  I kept the hammer down. I smashed that gas pedal so hard for so long, I think I shattered my foot. Carol and I were hooting and hollering like the Dukes of Hazard, punching the roof of that Pacer and laughing. I didn't slow down until we hit Buckeye.  I stopped and got two bottles of mescal, and we went to Carol's mom's trailer. We told her everything, and she cackled at us.  Only it wasn't like she didn't believe us, it was more like she did.  She said, in the way only her sun-bleached brain could, "Well, no real people got hurt, and you're out a bumper, sounds like you got a good story outta the whole thing." She was right, I suppose. I reckon it's just one of those things, and I am just one of those people.  Doesn't matter if I ain't looking for trouble, it will find me.  Before I left Carol that night, she hugged me and whispered in my ear, "I am gonna stick around Buckeye for a bit, I think my mom needs me."  I left the Pacer by that trailer. I didn't think about that dust devil once the whole walk home.

Weird Fiction

Maintenance Differential

I know it is a hack joke, but I always felt that anyone who would scrub toilets overnight at a chain store and not be on drugs is unhinged. That is why it was surprising to me that all the prospective employees needed to pass a piss test.  I'll call it a chain store because I don't need to get names involved, but everyone knows this place. The company offers a two-dollar differential for working overnights and an additional pay bump for being on the maintenance staff. For those reasons, I took the job. All combined, I was making fourteen dollars an hour, which for me was a lot. I have no practical skills, at least none transferable to income. Public education and MTV didn't teach me how to do anything, and thus, I started my career as a toilet scrubber in a 24-hour chain store. I wasn't pleased about it, but these are the things we are told we must do. The shift was 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. a 30-minute lunch and two 15-minute breaks. The management and supervisors were lax, but the clock-in/out times were strictly monitored. I mistakenly believed that a company that makes billions a year wouldn't care about time theft, but it was genuinely their main concern.  I'm not a slacker in that sense; I have an inferiority complex, and I like to overachieve, especially with the things I control, like punctuality.  The thing about huge stores like this one is that once you are clocked in and accounted for, you can disappear. I didn't shirk my duty, but there is only so much motivation one can generate purely through shame and the echo of a Protestant work ethic. One who thinks they are too good for their job doesn't endear themselves to their co-workers, and being seen as trying hard is another way to get negative attention.  The other employees didn't like me from the start. I don't speak that often, and what I did have to say wasn't the usual racial, misogynist, or homophobic banalities my fellow employees expected. I kept to myself and developed a real knowledge of the building. I knew the ins and outs; I knew where people were supposed to be and when they were supposed to be there. I wasn't a ghost or a phantom type; I stood out like a sore thumb and was hard to miss, but I learned how to hide for long periods. Those nights are very long. 9 hours of halogen lights buzzing overhead, the blue and white shiny cracked floors, endlessly droning top 40 hits blasted over the corporate radio station. Some people who worked there were friendly enough, but I kept conversations short and would mop, scrub, or buff with my eyes and head down. Some co-workers would get curious and ask strange questions, but I was accustomed to not understanding social normalcy, and these volleys never phased me. When pressed, I would make stuff up, lies to pacify them. I told them fake stories about my life; I did not think they would understand the truth. I knew I wasn't that different, but I also knew I was different enough. Aside from the general social dis-ease and crushing blows to self-esteem, the thing most people don't understand about working overnights is how deeply it displaces your life. It only took a couple of weeks, and my world deteriorated into just three shades. Daytime became a soft red as the sunshine only crept through the sides of my blackout curtains. During these daylight hours, the room where I tried to sleep was always bathed in an eerie pink-orange-reddish hue. Early evening was now always fluorescent green. This color was the same as the clock on the stove and the lights on the dashboard of my car. The night, in the store, was blinding and oppressively white. The whiteness buzzed overhead; it wracked the ears and dried the eyes. That was it, though, just those three colors. I drove home in the morning, but I don't remember those trips. I think of it as having had the bends, or maybe I was decompressing so hard that I blocked it out. The pattern repeated every day I worked: 1.red, 2. green, 3. white. My days off were scheduled as Sunday and Monday. I used those days mostly to catch up on sleep. My whole sleeping routine was off-kilter, and on days I wasn't scheduled, I would drift in and out of consciousness on the couch. I knew what time it was because the stove clock told me in a neon whisper. I was eating weird things at weird times, and I was never able to find balance, rest, or comfort. When my room transitioned from red to near blackness, I would watch surreal foreign movies and cry at a mere glimpse of sentimentality. I didn't talk to anyone anymore. Before I knew it, the days off were over, and I was in front of those green dashboard lights again. 35 mph to the highway(green, some yellow, some red) 55 mph on the highway(green, some red) 30 mph through town. (green, some yellow, some red, some white) There was a gas station near where I would buy cigarettes, but those guys didn't like me either. It was bright white in that gas station, just like my job, but they had a different radio station. I am prone to flights of fancy and avoidance, and I didn't notice the customers at first; I kept my head down and avoided eye contact. I didn't want any interactions with them, and truthfully, I was ill-equipped to provide them with the information they would need. The customers would ask strange questions of my co-workers, and it frightened me. I didn't know where the hair gel or the kitchen tongs were. After about six months of this flickering, colored existence and solitude, I started to see odd physical aspects of the customers. The first one I noticed was about 20-something and female. She caught my eye one night, and I was reminded of romantic feelings. I hadn't thought much of romance for a while, and I had forgotten that emotion long before I took this job. This person looked different than how I remembered people looking. She was elven in a strange sense, but not with any of the pure, clean high fantasy elf stuff. She was just angular in an unnatural way. Her nose was very long and pointed down, Her eyes were deep-set and drawn tight to the side of her face. Her ears were very pointy; much pointier than they should have been. All these descriptions might paint a rather conventional picture of attractiveness, but her skin was terrible. It seemed to be dropping off and was covered in welts, boils, red splotches, and acne. None of these imperfections directly detracted from her appearance, and in my mind, they classified her in a different realm of beauty. I noticed her only due to some of my more base failings that had been provoked by too much decadent reading; however, once this precedent was set, I started to notice other customers, too: I noticed how odd they all appeared and what strange shapes they had taken. The pointy one had a friend or companion. I think she was a witch. She had black hair and wore long black clothing, but those cliché trappings didn't lead me to my conclusion. I thought she was a witch because I couldn't see her directly. I mean, she was occupying space, but the space was all blurred and distorted by an aura of some sort. My eyes could not focus on her, and every time I strained to see more clearly, my vision would grow cloudier. There was nothing overtly supernatural about it; her face wasn't distended or shaking rapidly, as you see in movies, but I still couldn't see it. I thought maybe the pointy one was her familiar because she was smaller, bent, seemingly subservient, and they were always together. I started marking my days in conjunction with their frequent visits to the store. I added it to my list of temporal demarcations. For a while, my days were red green white sometimes pointy and decadent. A Few weeks after I started noticing the customers, a massive, distorted form appeared. This one was safety yellow in color. It stood about eight feet tall and had huge dark brown furry blurs for feet. It had black-rimmed eyes, bright red lips, and curly hair coming from the top of its shape. It was long and wide like a rectangle, and pendulum-like arms that hung down past its middle. It stalked up and down the aisles, bellowing mournfully. It wasn't a hallucination; I know this because it interacted with other people. Someone called out to it, and the vague form reacted poorly. It raced toward the source of the jeer and pummelled one of my co-workers right in the aisle. People stood around under those buzzing lights - watching frozen with fear. That co-worker shouldn't have called out, but that type of violence is always unsavory to view. Those club-like blows from those long, sinewy arms, it was like a piston throbbing downward over and over. The co-worker just stayed on the ground, and the safety yellow one just stomped away, bellowing. It didn't seem mad or upset; it was just a matter-of-fact pummelling for this creature. The safety yellow one came back many times, and it was always the same scene: it would stalk the store, yelling and waiting for someone to interact, and then it would rain blows down on them. For a while, my days were 1.red 2. green 3. white 4. sometimes decadent and pointy safety yellow, and violence. I was alone all the time now. I think my body started to fade, and it was difficult to see. Some people knew I existed and still acknowledged me, but most couldn't observe me. It was unnerving to lose one's material sense, but in another way, it was fine. I didn't want most people to see me. When natural light was out, I was inside with the curtains pulled tight. I liked the red; it made me feel warm. Sometimes when I was sweating in bed, I would imagine my whole apartment was a microwave oven, and I was being warmed slowly for dinner. I thought of the safety yellow one and imagined it would eat me. Sometimes I would think of the pointy one, but that made me sad as I knew she most likely couldn't even see me. She never acknowledged me. I knew I was fading fast, and this job was the cause, but I also had rent to pay, and under those buzzing white lights strangely felt grounded. The green lights were my favorite part of the day, though. In that soft green glow, I was in control, and not just of the car but of the windows and the radio. It was all standard cliché control stuff, but sometimes the common is the most comforting when everything else feels so uncommon. Eight months after I started the job, the changes were apparent and sobering. I had lost a considerable amount of weight and was afraid I would soon be nothing or worse, one of those blurry, distorted things that the customers had turned into. To counteract this fear, I began attempting to reassert my physical presence. I wore bells on my belt loops so I would jingle when I walked; the jingling reminded me of my material form. I also began wearing two different types of shoes. On my right foot, I would wear a boot, and on my left a sneaker. I wanted to be sure I felt each step hitting the ground, and this was the best way I found to accomplish that. I also would wear dozens of tight rubber bands around my wrists. I needed to know my hands were still there. These countermeasures to my disappearance or transformation were successful, but I was questioned by management. They felt that I was violating the dress code, and although I used my natural eccentricity to smooth things over, this interaction filled me with a new dread. While I was being spoken to, I noticed that the management was no longer entirely human. Their faces were drawn in sharply at the eyes and mouth. The ears were extended both up and out. Their fingers had extra segments, and the nails were stained brown. When they spoke, their mouths opened too wide, and because of this, I was able to see that hidden behind their porous and powdery teeth were black, nebulous rifts of space. The changes had occurred so slowly and slightly that they were unrecognizable to the casual viewer, but now, when I was forced to focus on them, I could perceive these variations…clearly. Once I started to notice how prevalent these human alterations were, I began seeing them in the other employees. I wanted to ignore it and keep my head down, but I felt bound to glance and was unable to deny the shift. I could easily make a list of the many ways their features were off; I could point out how they lurched and moved differently, but words would fail me, and the list would descend into an acute essay on the nature of being and the semantics of normalcy. I can only describe most of these mutations as being nearly imperceptible alterations to conventional human form. During the long overnight shifts, I found myself besieged by formerly human creatures. Because of this, I stopped talking to everyone, even the nice ones; all had been altered in some way. My life became only a blur of colors and shapes 1.red light 2. green light 3. buzzing white 4. pointy 5. safety yellow. nebulous black void The tiles on the floor were a blur too as I pushed the mop or ran the buffer, white then blue then white then blue, all the while buzzing oppressed me from overhead. Weeks melted into single days. I knew I was fading and failing, and it wasn't all just a hallucination, but I could not pull myself free. The final night I worked there, I was clocking in, and I saw one of my co-workers choking his girlfriend in the break room. She was taller than him normally, but she was shrinking, and her back was melting away and combining with the steel lockers. He had his little left appendage stretched out several feet and wrapped around her neck, but his hand and wrist were now nothing more than a fleshy tendril. Her face was melting down toward what used to be his wrist, and her eye sockets were just two dropping white holes. Everything in my vision was melting together: the couple, the floor, the overhead lights, the lockers. I lost any remaining deniability I had and shouted some questioning expletives. The melded mass in front of me turned its attention toward me. It stared for a moment while writhing and melting together; their head parts both opened their mouths and started wailing and screeching. I stood still with stalwart resolve and stared back. The mass scurried away, but the creatures left a trail of viscous slime as they fled. Its flailing was ripping pieces of the building off and carrying the debris away. I was sure now that I had become incorporeal. I was sure I was changing. My heart was throbbing, and I stood alone in that empty breakroom. I had no plan; I didn't know if I should run away or chase after it. I knew only that I needed to touch something solid and prove I was still there; I picked up my push broom and wandered onto the sales floor to begin work. Later that night, I was summoned to the management's office. They wanted to discuss some incident with me, but I couldn't hear them. The face of the man directly in front of me was sliding off his skull. His eyes were thin black slits, and his nose was sloughed almost directly down. He spoke under his neck, and the hole that used to be his mouth opened far too wide. I could see rifts behind his jagged teeth. His patchy hair seemed glued on with honey and was shiny and tacky. I looked straight ahead at him as my mind tried in vain to put the pieces of his face back together. The words coming from his neck were mumbled and echoey, and I couldn't make sense of them. His edges were pointy, but his body was just slop, and it dripped below the desk; I felt it on my sneakered foot. White buzzing lights shone overhead and lit this scene up with a stark reality. I was happy to know I could still be seen and interacted with, but I longed for humanity. He pushed a piece of orange paper toward me and wanted me to sign it. I refused. I quickly grabbed my belongings and raced out of that office and toward the front door. Employees were chasing me, and their amorphous bodies dripped and dropped on the tiles. The trails of slime left in their wake were peeling up sections of the building and knocking over shelves. I heard my name ring over the P.A. system as I burst through the double doors and out into the parking lot. Since fleeing that place, things have returned to some semblance of normalcy. I no longer latch myself to uncomfortable material possessions to assure corporeality, and my sleep schedule is more aligned with what is assumed to be human nature. I don't think about these events as often as one would expect. They were odd, but not as odd as one would think. This whole experience is indicative of most of my employment or obligation reflections. The overnight shift and the work stand out in that they can be broken into a series of vignettes, while other similar experiences I've had don't quite lend themselves to an easy formulaic numbered palette. I freely admit that all of this could have just been a product of what some might call "my shattered umwelt."

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The Tartan Homunculus

It was, in fact, a homunculus.  Its creation required specific human components. Additionally, there were elements of the creation that resembled an orangutan, primarily in the shape of the head and shoulders. It had the lurching and striding gate of a primate as well. This partially synthetic creature did not trigger the disorientation of the uncanny valley, but was nonetheless disturbing in a deeply unnatural way. Mrs. Airis paid handsomely for this prototype and even had its "skin" custom-designed into a green and white tartan color pattern. This color pattern matches the aesthetic that runs through the rest of her high-rise "mansion". Over the years, I had been hired by the elderly heiress on multiple occasions.  I, through sheer perseverance, had established myself as a trustworthy hand to many of the elite and ultra-wealthy who lived high above the remnants of our crumbling cities. Many of these elites were incapable of even the smallest tasks and would outsource them. My career didn't have a neat description, but I could perform a variety of tasks - ranging from general decoration to chopping wood. My position within this community was more about trust and familiarity than any skill or competence on my part. These types of wealthy people are not as eccentric as you think they would be; that would require some effort or even interest in themselves, which they rarely have. They often believe they curate personality through purchasing alone. Mrs. Airis was about the worst of them.  On several occasions, she had summoned me either extremely late or extremely early to open a box or move a letter from one end table to another.  I was happy for the pay, but her behavior was challenging at best. Sometimes she would comment on a menial task I performed. She would watch me carry a shoe box and say something along the lines of,  "Oh, I can't imagine being able to do something like that,"  as if I were performing a miracle. I can't claim overtly that there was an element of sexual objectification to some of her gazes or comments, but there was - an observational detachment to her humanity that often made me uncomfortable. I received a direct text message from Mrs. Airis one early dawn. The text read: You will need to be here early this morning. I am receiving a new item and expect you to help me unbox it and place it appropriately. It will be a long day. This purchase was quite expensive, and I need your full attention. DON'T BE LATE! There was nothing about this text that was odd, and despite it being out of the blue and more a demand than a request, I was not put off by it. The sentiment of this message was in line with how Mrs. Airis usually booked my service.  She expected.  She never took into account that I might be otherwise occupied. In this instance, I was free, and I told her to expect me early enough. I was anticipating another cast-iron basin or marble statue. I was not expecting a Homunculus in tartan. I arrived at her building around 8 A.M. and, after proving my identity, the doorman escorted me to the service entrance. The elevator man escorted me to the penthouse, and another doorman brought me to Mrs. Airis's section of the building. I was not looking forward to the niceties I usually had to perform when meeting her again, but this time she was not interested in niceties and immediately took me to a back room where the homunculus waited. Mrs. Airis was either proud of this purchase or pretending to be so.  It was an odd construction, before I described its general shape, but to elaborate,  it was about 4 feet tall, and the bulk of it was synthetic plastic wrapped in that thin tartan fabric. It had no facial features, and the "head" portion of it was mostly ornamental. There were pinprick eyes and ears, but I never got close enough to inspect them. The thing was animated.  It was already methodically busying itself in this small room. Its right arm ended in a traditional five-fingered hand, but the left was a raw titanium simulation of an arm. The shoulder of the left arm was a socket, and different arm-like tools could be attached to that socket. Mrs. Airis said, "Vacuum," And I watched in a stupor as the homunculus detached its duster arm and picked up another one that was off to the side. This new arm functioned as a vacuum. It affixed this titanium attachment and began vacuuming the ornate Persian rug that covered the floor in this room. Mrs. Airis said, "Gentle now, that rug is expensive." The homunculus stopped. Turned its head-like shape toward the heiress and stood silent for - too long a moment - before beginning its task again in a more delicate manner. I watched for the remainder of the day as this thing unpacked box after box of its arm attachments. Mrs. Airis purchased all available options, including packages she would never need:  construction,  gardening,  and auto mechanics.  I would haul the empty crates used to ship the attachments down to the dumpster below.  The garbage chute could not handle crates this size.  Mrs Airis made several half-jokes about how I would be out of a job.  I laughed politely.  I often get the impression that she believes me to be exclusively her employee. I have never corrected this assumption and wouldn't even know how to explain it to her. I asked her a few questions about this purchase and how she felt about it. I don't know what I was expecting as a response, but all I could elicit was, "I think it's just wonderful." It was not long before the tragedy.  Two weeks to the day.  The homunculus was drifting or hallucinating, and it had attached a small rototiller from the gardening package.  The homunculus bore through Mrs. Airis while she slept.  The tiller traveled, first through the heiress and then continued through the mattress, the box spring, the slats, and ended its movement only when deep into the marble floor beneath her bed.  There was extensive damage to the marble. I got to see the divot in the floor that the titanium rototiller made.  It was nearly half a foot deep, and the friction had singed the white marble as well.  I was there to pick up the bedframe for a gallery. The frame miraculously remained undamaged. This was fortunate because its provenance can be traced back to the Habsburgs. das Ende

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Miss the Bus

I was never allowed to miss the morning bus when I was going to school. I mean that as it was not an option. I was one in a family of five that had to be out of the house by 6:15 a.m., and we managed it for almost sixteen years. It was regimented and understood. No rides were available, no grandparents to help out. Just parents with full-time jobs and no patience for sluggish teens with bleary eyes. There was no implication of violence or threats; It just was not an option. We — meaning none of us had a choice. It’s a strange way to view life. It was something that separated me from my peers. My parents couldn’t have cared less about my grades or where I was on Friday night, but I was gonna be on that bus. I don’t know if it was the least they could do or something else. I never thought about it much at the time or even now. I am sure there are some psychological ramifications for this expectation, but navel-gazing won’t help at this point. I remember missing the bus home a few times. I remember the dread of carrying that little bookbag and the sweaty pits of some striped Lacoste shirt. I remember trying to stop fat tears rolling down chubby molten cheeks as I wandered around an empty parking lot. Volunteer teacher aides were attempting to console while asking for information I didn’t have. Eventually, I found my way home. The reaction was one of expectation — like, “yeah, we figured you’d be back. There is cold mac and cheese on the stove.” Where else would I have gone? The 80s were strange for latchkey kids. There was so much focus on stranger danger and milk cartons. I was told not to get in vans or go with people I didn’t know. We had a password for safety that we never used, it was “scooby-do”. Ghostbusters would have been too obvious. By the time I was fourteen, the Lacoste and burning cheeks were gone. All has been replaced by black. Head to toe, from the army-navy store or the garment district. My hair was also black, dyed from some box with an asian woman on it, purchased at the pharmacy down the road. A devil’s lock, combat boots, and a scowl for all to witness. I built a shield to keep those teachers’ aides away. To keep those kids away. The only color I allowed was a yellow Sony sport walkman. I would spend hours crafting mix tapes, the darker the better, not just ferocious but dark. Goth before hot topic, punk before Green Day. Anything strange or angry, always seeking more subversive, always more outside the mainstream. At fourteen, I loved missing the bus home. It meant I got to walk those four miles home. It took me a little over an hour, but I enjoyed the solitude and the music. I didn’t have to perform for anyone. I didn’t need to pretend to do homework or engage in anything faux social. I never tried to walk home, but when it happened, I was glad, in a strange way. This sort of accidental respite would come to a stop for good one December afternoon. I experienced something so odd and frightening that I made sure to never walk home again. I never ran, which I think saved me from something. I don’t know what exactly, but never running was a wise choice. My final class every day in 7th grade was a study hall. I could have used the time to do homework or study, but I never did. I would plug in my Walkman and put my head down for the final hour of school. Well, on this day, I fell asleep. No one woke me. I was a ghost in that school. I was a problem no one wanted to deal with. The other kids stayed away, and the teachers had given up. They just left me. Alone. So two hours after the final bell, I woke up. The only people left in the school were two unfamiliar janitors. They were different from the usual custodians who cleaned up during the day. These two men were younger and leaner; they weren’t wearing uniforms, and they were not pushing buckets or trash cans. They were swearing and buffing the floors. They kicked lockers hard and laughed loudly without fear of reprisal. I watched and listened. I waited for a chance to dash toward the main foyer of the building. Once I heard the buzzing turn a corner, I quickly slipped by. I was careful not to make much noise. Combat boots on tile floor is always tough, but I didn’t want them to hear me. The fear was more about strangers than any punishment from the school. I had done nothing wrong, but loud young men are always unpredictable, and I felt remaining unseen was a wise move. As the door shut behind me, I could hear laughter and loud crashing echoing. I almost broke my neck tryin’ to get out the door My school entrance was somehow below ground. It probably wasn’t, but they built it to feel that way. I have found out it is called a brutalist proscenium. It served as a wind break functionally, but from an aesthetic perspective, it made the building feel grander. There were spiralling stairs and a disconcerting geometric symmetry. When you left the front door, you had to walk up to ground level. It felt like walking up into an amphitheater. There were ten thick concrete steps. It was getting dark — the sun sets early in December in the northeast — and seeing the steps in twilight was new to me. It wasn’t quite a mausoleum, not City of the Living Dead, but the brick and concrete in shadow gave everything a kind of dead industrial glow. Electric spotlights overhead clicked on as I reached the top. I heard more laughter echoing below. Despite all this, I wasn’t crushed or even disturbed. I had nowhere to be and was happy to walk home with Bratmobile’s Pottymouth blasting through yellow headphones. Life was easy. I had no stakes. I was mildly aware that walking over a mile in the cold evening while wearing all black was gonna be uncomfortable, but I was young and bulletproof in my mind. If I even thought about it at all, the thought was brief. As soon as I stepped off school grounds, I was swallowed by a corridor of evergreens and birch. They lined both sides of the two-lane road nearly all the way home, breaking only for the golf course. The sheer number of trees, the pink-orange dusk, and the sight of my breath curling in the air conjured a kind of dark magic. I drifted through it, brooding and proud Reveling in my nastiness. Quickly, I realized something was wrong. This wasn’t New York City, but even in a suburb of Boston, lots of cars drove by. The first six or seven cars that drove past me were flashing their high beams and honking their horns. I took off my headphones so I could hear cars coming, and I would walk off the side of the road into the trees, but still, almost every car was honking and flashing lights at me. It wasn’t pitch black out, and reflective clothing for pedestrians wasn’t a thing yet. I couldn’t understand what was wrong. The sun continued to go down, and dark clouds started to bring light snow flurries. I tucked my hair under my black winter cap and kept walking. Kept moving forward. I paused at every car and stared at them as they drove by, honking. I did not understand the problem. I checked behind me, and looked to see if something was on my clothing or if I had left my fly down, but nothing. A car on the other side of the road stopped, and a man was yelling at me to get in. I was an ’80s kid, and I thought I was being kidnapped. I took my black tire iron out of my book bag and watched the man continue to yell something. I couldn’t hear, and when I didn’t move, he sped away quickly, still yelling, something about the sky. I thought maybe we were gonna get some nor’easter or something, an early blizzard. I picked up my pace, as I was starting to get concerned. Maybe the country was under attack, or something catastrophic had happened while I was at school. The snow was picking up, and the last edge of the sun was falling beneath the rim of this valley. I was approaching the golf course when I first heard it. It was a hissing grumble, something like a balloon letting out air into a broken subwoofer, or a big rig flapping a flat tire on the sand of an emergency off ramp. The sound tapped on my eardrum. It was almost more bodily than aural. There was an odor, too. It was geranium, but sickly sweet. I know that now because I still smell it on some colognes. The smell still makes me break out in cold sweat. I looked behind me for the source of the noise, but it was just more trees and a creeping sunset. I clutched my tire iron so tight my hand was throbbing and falling asleep. When I reached the golf course and the clearing, I saw it. It was about a hundred yards behind me and 20 feet up in the air. At first, it was the color of the sky. Not transparent, But the color of the sky itself. Orange and pink with blue and gray. It was a perfect circle at the beginning. I thought it was a halo cloud or some sort of strange light reflection, but when it noticed my gaze, it flashed dark black and then bright white. It wanted me to see it. It wanted me to know it was real. I stood still, looking up at it and trying to wrap my head around this thing stalking me home. Then it unfurled itself into a straight line and flashed black again. It fluttered like a windsock, its tail waving and twitching like a fly's legs. It swirled and feigned toward me, then retreated back again. I was weeping again, just like that kid in the Lacoste shirt. Fat tears rolled down burning cheeks. I was shaking and losing strength. I heard that rumbling hiss again, and the head of the beast flashed neon red. With this flash, I could see the mouth of this thing. It was a circular disc full of thick bumps or nodes. It looked like a hagfish or some other parasitic eel. But it was feet long and floating in the air. The geranium smell was choking me. I screamed as loud and as deep as I could. I yelled for it to go away, and it just flashed and twirled. It moved between light and dark shades and between a circle and a line. It wouldn’t move away or approach. It stayed tethered to me as I walked backwards with my tire iron raised. I was another fifteen minutes from home. It was playing with me. It would inch closer until I yelled, and it would retreat and hiss or cackle. No more cars were passing, and by the time I reached the old dump at the bottom of my street, it was backing way off. The night was almost full black now, and I would lose track of it in the waxing moon or behind some large tree top. I didn’t run or turn my back. I just walked slowly, barking and weeping. As I approached my front door, it stopped pursuing and began twirling around a streetlight at the edge of my property. It hissed loudly and warped. Then, like a snake, it made a strike at me. I swung my tire iron and missed, but so did it. I felt it brush past me. I felt something against my face. I rushed inside and slammed the old iron door. My mother was watching TV in the living room and looked over her shoulder at me. She said, “You can’t wear all black and walk around at night! You sure are a stupid girl! There is chicken surprise in the fridge.” And that was it. I never said anything about it. I told my parents I had the flu and took a week off from school. I didn’t wanna leave the house. After some time, I convinced myself that something else was wrong. Like I had been the issue. I don’t know how I did that; it was out of survival, I guess. I have pored through local folklore and cryptozoology texts, and I have never found anything. I thought maybe I was dosed with LSD or something, but I couldn’t have been, and LSD is different. It could have been schizophrenia, maybe a passing psychosis. But it was all so vivid and specific. The colors, the smells, the sounds. And what about those cars that drove by? Or the man who tried to save me? He knew a girl like me would be frightened. How did they know what was happening? How were they so sure? They all know a secret. There is a secret — a story no one says. I will leave it be. I know it was real. I know because I sat with that thing for hours that night. After I got home, I looked out my window and it came… It smashed itself against my old storm window. Its circular mouth latched to the thick glass pane. It vibrated and rumbled, shaking the glass. Eventually, it just stopped and hung onto that pane with its suction cup mouth. It was tired and swayed in the light breeze of a winter flurry. It was gray and long. I pulled my desk chair in front of the window and looked at it all night. By dawn, it was gone. But the circle of its mouth left a ring on the glass. I tried to clean it with all kinds of industrial cleaners and even a razor blade, but the glass had melted or corroded. The ring is still on that window. I drove past my parents’ house a few months back, and it was still there.

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They Called Her Hag

They threw her in a pit. This barbarous act was not the first time she suffered an injustice. She was keenly aware of the many reasons why, and being punished was no surprise. Outsider perspectives are prone to venture a variety of guesses as to the cause of such treatment, and some would think the punishment was due to her heterochromia and crooked, wilted frame, or ragged brown clothing and sparse, stringy hair. Another might think it was her warty nose and affinity for that small furry creature who followed her every step. These outsiders would conclude that the real justification for her punishment was not mere appearance. Strange events coincided with her presence, and her potent alchemic concoctions had been known to warp the fates of her patrons. People assumed she was a witch, and they were correct. Irmagen was accustomed to some ill-conceived restraint or ceremonial abuse around harvest and planting. The spring, in particular, gives rise to fanciful deliriums and rash behavior in the weak-minded pedants. She believed that “if one aimed at death, wounding was only courting revenge.” Her assailants arguably aimed to kill, but despite her ancient, withered form, she suffered nothing from her coaxed tumble. The courtship had begun in earnest, and Irmagen knew the next step was to approach the father before the proposal. Her given name may have been Irmagen, but the locals around these parts had a different word for her: Hag. The father in this case was a priest, and he had chosen to deposit Irmagen headfirst. This decision had murderous intent. Far from being shocked by this malice, she was surprised not to be a shattered heap. Irmagen was in a pit of great depth. The walls were steep, and all the root growth had been removed. To climb out through bodily means alone would prove impossible. She gazed toward the night sky as her thirst for redemption boiled. She pondered the vivid presence above and how it contrasted with the manner of her confiners. Tonight was cyclically auspicious, and Irmagen’s spite had woven the cosmos into endless sadistic possibilities. Her persecutors would suffer a cruelty tenfold what they had shown. Irmagen felt the presence of her familiar, a skulking, furry brown creature named Aker. It announced itself in a shrill screech. Peering down over the edge of the pit, it flung dirt below in mock defiance. The squat brown abhorrence quickly circled the pit, flipping and rolling. The creature was snickering and making exaggerated kicking motions with its hind legs, flinging cold dirt in every direction. The townsfolk called Aker a horrid, monstrous thing, but Irmagen knew the contract was set and Aker would serve. The Hag beckoned it to the edge of her pit with precise vocalizations, and it peered its bloated otter-like head down. Irmagen, once assured of its attention, again began making strange vocalizations, but this time, accompanied them with hand gestures. Aker cooed in understanding and dashed towards a nearby copse to fetch a fallen branch. It bustled itself about aimlessly, tutting from one fallen branch to the other until finding a specimen that appealed to its taste. Aker used its reticulated hands in conjunction with its razor fangs to strip any remaining bark from the carefully selected stick. Irmagen was pacing in her pit and conjuring more revenge schemes. At length, Irmagen was reaching the limit of her patience with Aker's performance, but before any reaction seeped through, she heard that familiar rustle of Aker’s paws in the leaf-laden grass. An instant later, a small tree branch dropped carelessly into the pit. Aker reclined near the pit's edge and folded its claws across its frog-like belly. The moonbeams shone perfectly on that beautifully rounded mass of guts, and the beams reflected onto its countenance, illuminating buckets of smug self-satisfaction. Irmagen picked up the tree branch and began making several passes over her head in a counterclockwise motion. After several dozen passes with the stick and ecstatic murmurs, she violently spat out a viscous black liquid. The liquid congealed at her feet, forming a wide circular plate with a deep notch on its surface. The Hag raised that branch again above her head and brought it straight down with fury; the base of the stick fit perfectly into the notch. Irmagen tested the thin perch to see that it was secure, and once she was pleased with her inspection, she leaped up with one foot. Now balancing her full frame on the tip of that stick, she lowered her head down; seconds later, she snapped her head back, shooting a furious perception toward those auspicious stars. Her grey eyes flashed gold, and the stick grew in length, steadily raising her from the pit. Once the hem of her robe was above the pit brow, she took one small step forward and landed like a bent fawn next to her familiar. The pair made their way rapidly to Irmagen’s tent. She riffled through loose satchels until finally producing a long, thin black hook-dagger; it was not like her to get her hands dirty, but seeing her Beltane celebration was ruined, she decided to take out her frustrations. Aker scampered about in a bloodlust fury. It was elated at the promise of malice, and rolled, clawing at the air. Irmagen lurched over to her alchemical chest. She unlocked the seal with an incantation, but paused a moment to ponder her options. The priest was so base, and her fury was so acute that she had not reflected on punishments. With the array of concoctions in front of her, visions of profound sensual debauchery and transmogrification wriggled in her warped mind. The youthful whimsy of creativity fled the aged crone, and she grabbed some powder of paralytic temper and a root of obscure cloaking. She stuffed the items into a belted bag, snatched her pyre staff, and cleared her throat in Aker’s direction. The creature halted its wriggling and jerked itself upright in a faux subservient manner. The woeful pair peered through the forest at distant lights ahead. The spring festival dance was illuminated so extravagantly that it served as a beacon. Meanwhile, in the town center, candles, torches, and more complicated riggings glowed brightly. A ring of haystacks encircled a large flat area located directly in the middle of the dwellings. A bandstand had been erected, and rustic instruments waited to be played. Tables and chairs were placed, and a wide array of home-baked confections were on display. An area to the side was sectioned off with a thin piece of twine. This area contained the wine and spirits that the adults were meant to imbibe. Daisy chains and other floral displays had been placed with meticulous care. The entire scene beamed with the muted grandeur of ignorantly misplaced equinoctial exuberance. A bent, sinewy being tore furiously at the corpse of a young man in a shadowy area just outside the centrally lit hall. This blanched white semi-humanoid figure was pulling fragments of fleshy bone from the carcass and devouring in a gluttonous rapture. Dark ruby blood sprayed from its slathering jaws as it chewed, and the thick hair on its chest and arms was drenched with the visceral drippings. Several similar scenes were playing out all along the cobblestone streets and beneath the thatched roofs of this town. Gurgles of the dying mixed with bellows of the feeding. Rank fumes of gore overpowered the flowery abundance of spring. Irmagen and Aker were approaching the town, and although the witch began to have premonitions, it was Aker who first caught the anthrocarion odor of bloodshed mixing with primordial musk. The familiar raised the sharp spines on its back and retracted its lips in preparation for an encounter now more precarious. Irmagen noticed her familiar’s demeanor and said, “Oh! It seems we will have more fun than we had expected.” The witch readied the hook dagger in her left hand with the blade facing downward. She hoisted the staff in her right hand, and it blazed deep orange before issuing black smoke. She hitched up her robe and, taking on a mocking prambulation, she made towards the outskirts of that town; her dainty feet barely stirring the dust. Aker followed close behind, crouching deep and dragging its belly on the stone path. Its lurking gait left a single unbroken slime trail on the earth as it crept. Upon arrival, Irmagen and Aker could see several homes partially destroyed, and through the windows of others, small fires were raging. Torn limbs, entrails, and unrecognizable remnants of humanity littered the streets. Loose scat, viscous saliva, and blood mixed in pools. Other liquids pushed through dusty cracks in the cobblestone. The lit center of town remained eerily untouched. It resembled a sacred circle protected from the surrounding massacre. It appeared as if the dance were set to proceed as normal. Irmagen proceeded with a confident caution, and Aker remained her skulking shadow. The gorey debris draped about led the pair to an accurate assumption. Irmagen knew the primordial cave dwellers and their crude rites of spring. Identifying them as culprits was easy. Their rank genital odor arrived well before visual confirmation. A broad broken grin etched its way across the witch’s face. They approached the town center. Three hulking forms loped from the shadows; they greeted her with tyrannical posturing and churlish howls. Irmagen struck a mock demure pose and spat at their feet. The primordial dwellers stood aghast at the witch before them. In their primitive minds, they believed that they had completed their Beltane ritual. They remained behind to revel in the joy their slaughter had brought. Never had they imagined that such a presence was near. The two smaller dwellers yelped and stumbled into a hasty retreat toward the bandstand. The lead dweller narrowed its eyes, slackened its dripping jaws, and inhaled deeply, inflating its chest. It crouched down slowly, placing its front hands on the clean dirt of the dance area. Its thigh muscles rippled and bulged with prehuman musculature. Aker chittered madly at the sight of the dwellers, sprawling and hissing wildly. Irmagen was enthralled by the vision of beauty that crouched before her. She discarded her weapons and bounded over to the crouching dweller. She extended her left hand limply with the palm facing down. The dweller took hold of her hand and licked the back of it before rising to his feet. The pair tore off in a dexterous, graceful twirl around the lit area. They danced starting wide against the perimeter of the circle, but as they grasped hands and drew each other closer, the circle grew gradually smaller. Finally, their chests touched, and they whirled tightly in the dead center of the well-lit pavilion. Irmagen inhaled deeply the smell of rotten flesh and gore on the dweller’s teeth. Her mind was drawn back to an age of blood and fury. The dweller was content being led and basked in the glory of the eldritch creature that clung to him. The speed of this performance increased, and the two partners merged into one celestial body. The two dwellers not participating in the dance fled to the depths from which they crawled. Aker squatted in the shadow, chittering with covetous joy, and waiting for some unforeseen shift to free it from its obligation. The spinning and twisting pair approached the pinnacle moment, their bodies melded into an amalgamation. The surrounding artifice shook, and the materials closest to the pair started to be drawn in. The lights, hay, daisy chains, confections, alcohol, and instruments entered the celebratory maelstrom. The cyclone continued to grow, pulling in human remains and bodily fluids that were spread throughout the town. Irmagen essence craned its head free from the torrent and looked at the stars. The tiny age-old pinpricks of white light trailed into a singular glowing dot. She could feel her singularity begin to fade. Her personhood waned as she was pulled upwards. Her spirit tried to flee her body, but she caught it and held it tight. She dragged the entire scene to a crashing halt. The rapid turning of the dance came to an impossible full stop, and the dweller was ripped forcefully from her body. His material form was jettisoned out and burst from a forceful impact with piles of splintered wood and stone. Aker came scampering from its shadowy nook and gave Irmagen a probing sniff. Irmagen traced a pattern in the sky with her bent index finger and looked down upon her familiar. There was a long pause, but Irmagen ended it with a caustic cackle and said to Aker, “We are not done yet. Now, where is that priest?”

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Mandible Twitch

It was all a steady decline. The rate of the decline is up for debate, but what is not debatable is that the decline had begun. Can a slide into systemic madness be the catalyst for the action? It is best if I describe my own experiences during this period of regression. I never really had to work for anything; I mean… I have had jobs. I have worked for a paycheck. I have put some effort into existing, but I do not believe that I was ever really challenged. This is not a brag but an indictment of my position. A personal struggle with the day-to-day monotony of existence does not constitute a true struggle in a life-and-death sense. I was slow to notice just how unjust and deplorable the conditions had become. True industry has not existed in my lifetime. It was probably on its deathbed decades before I was born. The skeletal remains of this industry are scattered about. There are abandoned sawmills, fisheries, and dilapidated smokestacks marring most of the surrounding landscape. What I think I know of industrialism is, in reality, its final breaths. We, who remain, cling to this corpse of the industry for our meager incomes. Nothing, in a material sense, is truly being produced any longer. The only thing being produced at all is confusion, vitriol, and hatred. History has shown how such times of change fan the flames of tribalism and bigotry. Change makes people more insular and more extreme. Upheaval prompts some to seek refuge in the sanctuary of modern escapism, while others attempt to regress and find solace in the remnants of archaic institutions. Regardless, most people just dig in. I wonder what this place sounded like when the whole apparatus was functioning? Did the screech of the clawing metal carapace wrest one from sleep? Right smack dab in the center of everything is that huge construct. It insists on itself - on failed industrial hubris. The denizens perform their materialist dance in its shadow. The spire juts into the sky, and the expanse surrounding it seems endless. It has always existed, but oddly, the sign out front says established in 1997. There is another sign out front; this second sign reads "all are welcome." I do not think either sign is true. I remember 1997, but I don't remember this construct being built. It is possible I wasn't paying that much attention at the time. I was still a teenager then. I suppose I had other things on my mind. I honestly think the carapace, as I call it, is much older. I cannot remember a time when the thing wasn't there. As far as the "all are welcome" sign is concerned, nothing can be further from the truth. It gnaws at a person. Those thick beams and heavy geometric bolts. Those insectoid angles, invasions of the sky. I know it is no excuse for my behavior. It does grind at your soul. Saws into you. Cuts away chunks of your humanity. Breaks the gears that drive your machine. It is impossible to withhold judgment from that structure. Its presence is a judgment in itself. I grasped the basics early on. I believed the myth that education was needed to be a successful citizen. I struggled with the more complex areas of math and science. I wish I had just learned a trade. The world of liberal arts and relativism was a mistakenly chosen path. Too much relativism clouds the decision-making process. Too much perspective can paralyze those living in times of insistent architecture. I am not sure if I am thankful for the cynicism that comes along with that type of education, but the alternative - ignorance - always seemed like a worse fate. At the very least, my cynicism protected me from the trappings of hate-fueled tribalism. I still wish I could have learned to fix a small engine or even a chainsaw. Not so much for a career anymore… those avenues have all gone away… Fixing a broken machine at least gives one a sense of accomplishment. Accomplishment and productivity are difficult to find in the relativism that passes as intelligence. I often fantasize that the din of a small engine could drown out the gnawing and grinding. Drown out this social collapse. The din of a small engine might halt the staunch trench digging or construction of monstrosities. In 1997, I worked at the last remaining sawmill in town. It was called Henderson's Sawmill. Henderson's only served the local area. I worked there for 4 hours. They promised me ten dollars an hour, but by lunchtime, they had dropped the pay back to minimum wage. In hindsight, this was a bait and switch, but at the time, I viewed it as a failure on my part. Henderson's closed for good a few months later. My generation just didn't seem equipped to keep these businesses running. Not much was left anymore. There were discount stores, liquor stores, grocery stores, and superstores, but that was it. Just stores. If you wanted to stay in town, you could stock shelves or be a cashier. People still had pride in their materialism; they still needed things. The stores had those things. We stopped making things. Maybe that carapace did go up in '97. It would make sense. People needed something to cling to or hang from. People needed to make a connection to something. People needed to create and belong. It is a shame that in the end, all those people would be creating something so destructive and intrusive. I jumped the fence to Henderson's Sawmill a few weeks back. It wasn't much of a feat. I didn't even really need to try that hard. It is not like there was much left to steal. Most of the time, when places like Henderson's close, they just sit and rot. The global bank didn't even deem it worthy to repossess. The bank sends a man to buy a "no trespassing" sign. That's that. Nature will take care of the rest. The building will just crumble where it stands. To some, it sits as a reminder of decay and waste. However, I had a use for it. I needed a ten-inch circular saw blade. I could get that blade from one of the smaller machines. You see, I had this idea. I had an old wooden baseball bat, and I figured with a little ingenuity and a large nail, I could affix that saw blade right to the top of that bat. You know, kind of on the side. I would have myself a little makeshift axe of sorts. Something that probably looked more fearsome than it was, but we weren't allowed sharp things anymore, or you couldn't buy them at the store. I could have taken a blade much larger, but I still wanted to be able to swing it. I didn't want it to be too cumbersome, too heavy, you know. I wanted something light. It didn't take much rummaging to find it. Nobody could see me anyhow. Not too many people looked around anymore. Nothing to protect, really. If I stayed away from the stores and the eyes on that carapace, I could remain invisible. It's absurd how invisible one can become when nobody has a use for you anymore. I know it was all in my mind, but I could hear that blade spin - like an angle grinder. It was working. It covered up the din - the hum of those lights, the wire nooses that dangled from steel beams. When I concentrated really hard, it would even cover up some of those chitterings of hatred that seemed to blast forth from that construct. "All are welcome." How funny. Another lie of that never-living bug. That monolith to dead industry. The hypocrisy of my desire mixed with my relativism. My cynicism crashed against my humanity. The blood in my brain was pumping so hard I could feel it. I was thinking too much. It is never good to think too much. It is like redlining an engine. Running at this speed for too long is bound to snap something, or at least that's what I've been told. My saw blade was spinning on that nail too fast. Again, I have no firsthand experience in anything. Let alone psychology or mechanics. I needed to trust something, and I chose my construction, not theirs. There were no delusions of grandeur, no aspirations to escape.  What was left to escape to anyway?  Another few decades of this?  Another few decades of that buzz that gnaws at a man's soul, another few decades of hearing the din of synthetic metal carapaces. I knew I didn't want that. Floundering hopelessly in this disordered space needed to end. It was time to confront that "All are welcome" sign. If I could just accomplish the simple task of repairing. Repairing a broken cog in this ancient machine. I decided to swing overhand and down first. I would aim for the wooden pole on the left. No sirens, no hum, no din, no buzz. I don't think anyone noticed I cut the sign down. I saw the carapace move, though. It almost turned its giant metal head a bit. I saw its mandible twitch. That was it, though. I threw the sign over the fence at the old sawmill.

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Slice of Death(video)

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Not Quite Fiction

High Life

Gyro walked into that little diner tucked between the abandoned buildings that still sang of an industrial past, few remembered. He brushed the curly, greyish-brown hairs behind his ears so they wouldn’t stick out from under the sides of his filthy hat. This act was more in reverence for a past respectability of decorum than an attempt to appear presentable. Gyro honestly couldn’t give a damn if he were presentable — and regardless, he was the only patron in this place. He took one big step with his left leg and landed his flat ass on the stool right in the center of the counter. He straightened his denim vest, rotated the Eyehategod pin on his left chest pocket so the letters were legible, and placed his logging chain–like forearms on the counter. The residual moisture from the humid air outside meant his heavy arms left a bit of a stain on the faux-steel countertop. He grabbed a napkin from one of those old holders, wiped the stain away, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it into the garbage can by the kitchen entrance. Gyro looked up, locked eyes with the server behind the counter, scratched his nose, and said, “Sorry ‘bout that, man. I’m gonna sit a bit — y’all still have those dollar High Life tallboys?” The server was a younger man than Gyro and wore a threadbare T-shirt clearly from the Salvos down the road. It was green and said something like Oregon Hill Girls Softball. Gyro sized him up. Ah, he thought, a college student. The shirt, to Gyro, meant: I’m not poor, but don’t wanna be robbed after my shift. Gyro could tell by the young man’s haircut that he could afford to look like he wanted to get laid. That’s nice for him, he thought. The young man grabbed a beer from the cooler, popped the top, and bleated out, “You need a glass?” “Nah, I’m good, man. But it’s cool if I grab a straw, right?” The young man shrugged with mild confusion and said, “Yeah, man, no problem,” matching Gyro’s vernacular. Gyro recognized this social coding and relaxed a bit more. He threw two bucks down immediately for the dollar beer, as if to say: If we keep this going, you’ll get a dollar per. Hundred percent return on your investment. Gyro laughed. He plunged the straw into the tallboy, and it squelched a bit — as those things are apt to do. Head down, Gyro took a long slurp off that plastic straw. He looked up at the end and said, “I know it’s weird, but hear me out. You gotta get the first one down quick.” The young man nodded quietly, with a bit of trepidation, but something about this guy felt like an old husky and not a pit bull, so he left it at that. “Two things, man,” Gyro piped up as he threw two more bucks on the counter. “Second verse, same as the first — and lemme grab your name?” The young man said, “Adam,” with a grin and popped another High Life can. “Pleasure to meet you, Adam. When you get a second, lemme ask you one more thing.” Gyro finished the first beer quickly, stood up, and hitched his pants in a singular motion. “I’m gonna grab a smoke — back in a jiff.” Gyro shuffled out with a limp that was more about warming up the old engine than it being broken for good. Adam looked around as if he needed to find a task to justify Gyro’s “when you get a second.” He was lost, like a kid who looked away for a moment, and recess was over. Adam was standing by the swing set as the elderly teacher’s aide waved him back to class feverishly. Shaking free of his displacement, Adam grabbed a rag and started wiping the bar top down like he was Sam Malone. Two minutes later, Gyro walked back in, shaking the dust from his vest in a self-aware mock of some old Western. He threw his pack of long cigarettes on the counter, stepped over the stool again, plopping down with a thud, and said, “Yeah, I pull these in three minutes. It’s an old habit — necessity over indulgence, you know? Grab one if you need it, Adam. This pack came with a few extras.” Gyro took a pull from the second beer. He took the straw out of the first one and stuck it in his pocket. He shook the first empty can and said, “This one’s done. Where you want it?” Adam picked up the can and threw it into the recycling bin by the fire exit. As he started to walk back toward the kitchen, Gyro said, “Oh yeah, let me steal you for one more sec.” Adam walked behind the bar and said, “Sure, man — what you need?” A tired clanging hissed from the beer fridge like a rattler through a megaphone. Adam tensed, stalk-still, and his eyes opened wide. Gyro’s right hand flinched toward the inside pocket of his vest with a deft accuracy unbecoming of his easy-natured mannerisms. Adam spoke first and said, “Sorry, it does that sometimes.” Gyro revealed his teeth, looked over his left shoulder at the front door, and said back at him, “It does now? Does it? Might wanna let the old boss man know he should get it fixed. Had me clutching my pearls over here. No telling how the locals would respond.” Gyro squinted as sharp as a hawk, and he pulled down the back of his vest to maintain a sense of dignity. He threw three bucks down and said, “Lemme get another of those bad boys real quick.” Adam grabbed another High Life from the cooler, popped the top, and walked back. He placed the beer beside the second one and gave Gyro the beat he needed. Gyro muttered, “Alright, brass tacks — but what’s the deal with that convenience store across the street?” Adam was taken aback. “You mean — oh, the Li’l Peach?” Gyro looked back at the door. “Yeah, that place.” Adam said nothing initially, but then, a tad indignant, “It’s just a store.” “Yeah, yeah — a store. In the Merrimack Valley, we used to call them a packie. But I don’t call them that anymore, see? Was that so hard? Gimmies are sprinkles now, too.” Gyro spread his arms wide and flapped them down hard against his sides. “Things change. Do I love it? No, I reckon not.” (The last phrase fell from his mouth like he was spitting out a tooth.) Adam wondered what the hell this guy was talking about. Gyro continued, “It’s just that when I was in that Li’l Peach, a couple of good ol’ boys were being real shitty to one of your college friends.” Adam bristled, as if caught in a lie. Then — brushing off Gyro’s correct assumption — he responded, “Real shitty? How?” Gyro started, “Well, you see, this student was waiting in line. They could’ve been seventeen or thirty-two — I can’t tell anymore. But what I could tell is they were trying to figure themself out. You know, like we all do, Adam?” Adam nodded. “Well, this person just waiting in line was too much for these good ol’ boys, it seems, and they went to fussin’ around like a couple of real blockheads. I’ll tell you, Adam, they were closer to my age than that poor student friend of yours.” Adam interjected, “Well, this is a blue oasis city in the center of a deep red state, and when people stray a bit too far in either direction, it can cause tension.” Gyro drained the rest of his second beer, handed the can to Adam, and took a sip from his third. He looked at Adam — and for the first time, Adam saw a flash of that pit bull in Gyro’s eyes. Gyro uncorked a grin that projected so much malice it could’ve frightened the white off a skunk. Adam’s heart was off to the races. As the grin slipped away, Gyro said, “Adam, you’re a young man, but you seem up on things. I’m gonna guess 1967 is outta your wheelhouse? Eating fifty eggs and all probably makes no sense to you? Am I right?” Adam hadn’t the faintest clue, but he knew something had changed. Have I over-served this guy? Does a straw make that big of a difference? Adam panicked, glanced under the steel counter at the baseball bat below, then up at Gyro’s arms. He swallowed reflexively. Gyro fired back, “What about Guns N’ Roses?” “Yeah, my dad played them when I was a kid.” “Cool, cool. Common ground. Well, you see, GNR had this song — ‘Civil War’ — and it’s not really about General Lee and all that mess. That’s irrelevant,” Gyro continued. “In that song is a little sample from a movie. It just says, ‘What we have here is a failure to communicate.’ I might be thick as shit, but I know what I’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” He leaned forward. “The question becomes — with whom? Now, before you and I got so friendly, I was sure this failure was with the good ol’ boys across the way there. Now I feel like maybe the problem is here between us. Do me a solid there, Adam…” Gyro picked up his smokes and opened the pack so one was hanging out a bit longer than the rest.“Why don’t you grab a quick smoke and take a long think on what I’m saying.” Adam froze, shaking a bit. He picked the cash up off the counter and waved the cigarette off, then said, “Those hicks across the street were picking on a trans kid, right?” Gyro pointed his finger like a gun, timed the trigger pull with a mouth click and a wink. “Bullseye,” he muttered, and took a sip of the High Life. “Yeah, it sucks,” Adam said, “and I’m sorry it is that way. I don’t know what to do.” “That’s a whole bunch of I’s, Adam, my friend,” Gyro replied with a husky-brand grin. “The question you’re circling around is: What are we gonna do about it?” Gyro continued, “You know, you college types get one thing right. This whole socialist ideal. It’s utopian and sweet as Tennessee whiskey, but this whole we thing we’re talking about — I’m not referring to we the people. Let’s say it’s more of a Freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guildmaster and journeyman kinda we.” Gyro threw five one-hundred-dollar bills down. “One more of those bad Larrys in that cooler and I’ll be outta your hair.” Adam froze. What was being asked here? He mustered an “um,” but Gyro interrupted: “Hear me out, Adam. Distribution of labor and fair wages, right? Let me be honest with you for a moment. The heavy lifting here is all done — I took care of the problem. Ain’t no amount of old Ben here gonna change that. So relax that heart — it’s humping away like a March hare. Good news, bad news here — playtime is over, but your stakes are low.” He growled the last line like a stag. “I got two paths here. The one out that front door ain’t gonna be much fun for anyone. So I was hoping I could slip out over there through that fire exit. Say yes to that, and I’ll get one follow-up, and I’m gone like the wind.” Adam nodded. Gyro pulled two heavy work gloves from his back pocket. They had spatterings of fresh black-red liquid on them. He put them on the counter. “Pop these on your hands when your shift is over. I left a little cooler by that dumpster behind the package store. Grab that thing with these gloves on and throw it somewhere a good distance from here — I ain’t gonna tell you where, let’s call it dealer’s choice. That’s it. And like I said, I’m Rhett Butler.” Adam found a stiff upper lip deep in his dungarees and said, with a bitterness that seemed impossible moments ago, “Couple things here — first of all, that fire exit has probably not been armed since your Guns N’ Roses days. So have at it. You could’ve walked out of it before I even saw you. Second thing is, if you think I’m doing fifteen years for five hundred bucks, you’ve read this whole thing wrong. I’ll keep the money. I don’t know what’s in that cooler, but it’s gonna sit where you left it. And I’ve already forgotten you mentioned it.” Gyro’s eyes watered like he’d been punched in the nose. He stood up and said, “Okay, my friend, I was simply asking for a favor in bad faith, and you’ve made your stance clear as those mugs behind the bar.” Gyro’s jaw raged and stretched with restraint as he croaked out his last appeal. “I mention real life and your humping hare heart starts to shiver like Fiver, so I’ll spare you the details — but somebody’s gonna need to put some mining gloves on and start digging. Toss some rotten souls in a cooler by a dumpster. So yeah, I’m the crazy one!” Gyro caught himself just then and smiled like a coyote caught sniffing around the chicken coop. He took off his cap and pushed his greasy curls back. He smoothed his beard into a cone of grey Brillo. He grabbed two Reds from the pack and left the rest on the counter. He knocked the middle knuckle of his index finger on the counter twice and said: “More things in heaven and earth, Adam.” He began to saunter out, stopping to look at a crusty old icon of Saint Christopher hanging from a wire around a GRK wood screw. He laughed because he hadn’t noticed it before, and sighed like a V8 with no cat — it was pure but stank of irrelevance. A sigh stretched across the countertop, and Gyro was gone with just enough movement to confirm his exit. Adam grabbed a Pliny the Elder double IPA from the cooler, popped the cap with his keychain, and took a big pull from his pen. He perched on Gyro’s stool and flipped the pack of Red 100s over with his thumb. A single business card in the cellophane was embossed: Sorry about the dance, thanks for the chance, don’t eat your peas off a knife. Adam chortled at the card and moved to pick up the bills, but something in the implication made him stop short. He sat for an eternity with that card in his hand. He laughed again, but this time it trickled into a dread of opportunity missed. His doubt was eventually interrupted by the opening of the front door. He shot his eyes toward the noise. Three kids in brand new VCU t-shirts entered the room, followed closely by the aroma of fresh soap and baking soda. The one in front said: “What’s the Wi-Fi password?” Adam cleared his throat, averted his eyes, and pointed to the chalk sign by the menu stand. The password was: P@ssword123

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Honored By The Spectacle

Act 1: Emma Emma had two children by the time she was 18. She was a Mormon, so the first one was brutal — a true shame in front of the whole community. No hiding it. No running. Just raw shame. She was now what they call a Jack Mormon. The second kid was an accident; they don’t tell young Mormon girls that if you take antibiotics, your birth control doesn’t work. How would they? Like at some Jack Mormon workshop? It wasn’t in their language. Emma often thought of her position in the world. She was a mother of two and a Colombian in a dead post-industrial Massachusetts city. Welcome to Lawrence, she thought. The old phrase floated up like bile: Hispanic on WIC. She winced at herself. That wasn’t her voice — it was what they wanted her to believe. She knew better. But knowing didn’t always stop the shame. No God, no magic underwear — just a girl who got fucked by her junkie boyfriend, and now her lack of true faith was the state’s problem. The dick that led to her excommunication belonged to some guy named Tom. He pretended he was a chef when he wasn’t nodding out, but at best, he was a busboy for a week or two at some dive. Emma’s kids didn’t even know his name. She worked hard to keep it that way. By the time Emma turned 23, she worked for a car insurance company, which helped pay the bills, but she still had to live with her mother. Her mother forgave her — because that’s what moms do — but she never let Emma forget who she was or what she did. It wasn’t meant to be cruel, but it was. Emma lied to her mom often to keep the peace. One night in particular, she told her she was going to her five-year high school reunion. It was one of those carny lies that work because they contain the truth. The reunion was taking place, but Emma wasn’t going to face those people. How could she? That night, Emma went to the house of her co-worker Sarah. They were going to a bar — Sarah’s brother was the singer in a Danzig cover band. They weren’t good, but it was going to be fun, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be a reunion of anything Emma knew. She had no idea who the Misfits were, let alone Danzig. It was gabacho shit in Emma’s mind, but Sarah was a gringa, and who cares anyway? Emma was happy to be away from the kids, and her mom was happy to babysit. So she’d go, have a drink, laugh at something silly, and forget she was a Jack Mormon for a few hours. Sarah gave her some clothes to wear: a Sabbath Bloody Sabbath T-shirt, black mini skirt, and fishnets—Hot Topic goth-punk shit. Nothing Emma would ever wear in real life, but she thought of it like Halloween, and it looked good. She put on eyeshadow and black lipstick. She knew she wasn’t skinny or pretty in the white world sense, but she thought she looked good. Short dark hair, black lipstick — she was in cosplay, but passing. Act 2: Chit Chat The girls arrived at the Chit-Chat Lounge around 8. There was a $5 cover, and about thirty weirdos were standing around talking shit about nothing. Emma went up to the bar and ordered the only drink she knew: “Cranberry vodka with a lot of limes.” The large bald bartender smiled and said, “Any brand? Or just well?” Emma had no idea what that meant and said, “Umm… well, anything.” The bartender laughed kindly and gave her a little plastic cup of red liquid. He was being sweet — maybe even threw ten lime slices into the drink. Emma took her drink and sat next to Sarah at a table in the back. She drank fast because she was nervous. She was buzzed in minutes, laughing at the crowd and smiling at her friend. A guy in the bar took that as his chance. This guy is at every bar you’ve ever been to on a Friday night — too much Axe body spray, too much time at the gym, too much confidence. He took a seat too close to Emma and leaned in too much. She was uncomfortable, but couldn’t utilize the skills to say anything. This wasn’t her world, and other than Tom, no one had ever made a pass at her. It was flattering, but painful at the same time. Sarah was looking off somewhere else, not paying attention, enjoying the night. Emma tried inching her chair back, but every time she did, the guy moved closer. Her back was now against the wall. She was stuck. Dan was watching this play out from his bar stool. “Billy,” he said, “gimme a vodka cranberry, bunch of lime — and another Gansett. Put it on my tab.” Billy the bartender laughed. “You ain’t got no fucking tab,” he said, handing him the drinks. Dan said, “I’ll get you back,” and walked toward Emma with the two drinks. He put the vodka down in front of her and said: “Here you go, baby. I grabbed you another one like you asked.” Dan took a big pull from his Gansett and put his hand out to the too-close stranger. “Hey man, how’s it going? You a friend of my old lady?” The guy turned, shook Dan’s hand, and said, “Nah, just saying hi. I’ll get outta your seat.” Mr. Too Close got up. Dan said, “OK, man. Take it easy,” and sat down next to Emma. Emma didn’t know what was going on, but she was relieved. The guy who bought her a drink was handsome. She caught his name — Dan, she thought. He was handsome, but not in any way she would’ve recognized beforehand. The closest she could think of was a character actor from some action movie or TV show. Half his head was shaved up to the hairline. He wore a denim vest and a sleeveless T-shirt, a red bandana tied around his neck. He was dirty, like really dirty all over. He was scarred and bruised, tattooed — but bad tattoos, not professional ones — and the dirt that covered him seemed waxed in, like it wouldn’t wash away. He was the most confident man she’d ever seen. His body offered an apology in posture, but a resistance in movement. He also could have been very drunk. Or maybe both. By this time, Sarah had looked up and gave Emma a concerned Who the fuck is this? look. Emma leaned in and said, “It’s fine. He seems nice.” Sarah laughed and got up to go talk to her brother. Dan put his hand out. “Hi, I’m Dan. What’s your name?” Emma blushed despite herself and took his hand. She smiled and introduced herself. Dan pointed at her shirt. “I’m more of a Dio guy, myself.” Emma laughed and had no fucking clue what that meant. They sat there all night while the band made noise. Dan never mentioned what he had done — never referenced why he came over and pretended to be her boyfriend. He didn’t even nod to it. He just talked and listened. He was smart — but desperate or sad. Emma didn’t know bars, or punk, or metal, or booze, or why someone would be dirty — but she knew addiction. She had seen it when she was pregnant and crying. When she needed Tom to help, but he couldn’t. She knew sadness in a man’s eyes, and Dan was sad. But in this moment, he didn’t let on, so neither did she. Sarah was more than ready to leave by 11 and tugged at Emma’s arm, trying to get her away from Dan. Emma met Sarah’s eyes and said, “I’m staying.” Her tone made it clear: she knew what this meant. That was the end of it. Sarah let go and said, “Okay, well — have fun. See you Monday, I hope.” Emma waved off the “joke” with a gesture meant to say, I know what I’m doing. The concern from Sarah touched a nerve — The Spirit of God does not dwell in unholy temples — rang through Emma, faint and fast like a struck bell. But what stuck wasn’t guilt. It was grace. Sarah had expressed real worry, but hadn’t pushed. She’d trusted Emma to choose. That quiet respect threw Emma off more than any warning would have. Her confusion lifted. Her back straightened. Her breath came easily. She felt something rise in her — a strange identity, but unmistakably still her. Emma led Dan into the bathroom around midnight. He touched her, kissed her, licked her — sloppy, kind, raw, new. Welcome. At one point, she pulled his half-mohawk into her hips, and where she expected resistance, she found none. It was easy. Desire met with deliverance, not shame. She felt some pressure to return the favor, but Dan said, “Ah, it’s OK, I got the whiskey dick right now.” She’d heard that line before, or something similiar — but this time it felt like honesty, not insult. She thought, This gringo shit isn’t bad at all, in a voice she didn’t recognize. Act 3: Stumbling After last call, they left together. Dan stumbled beside her, his speech and charm wrestling with his balance. He talked about a rainbow in the dark, mixing metaphors with fuckings and fuck-its. He smoked long cigarettes, quickly and deliberately. She felt honored by the spectacle — but also a little sad, though she couldn’t say why. At her door, he said: “I know this whole ‘Wherefore art thou Romeo, you son of a bitch?’ thing is kinda thin, but… that crooked smile of yours makes me wish I was a better dude. If you ever wanna hang out again, I’m pretty easy to find. Drink a bunch of water before bed.” He reached toward her face — slow, tender — but caught himself. Maybe he noticed how dirty his fingernails were. Maybe he thought it was too much. Emma noticed all of this — calmly. He kissed her on the cheek and stumbled off. Her mother and the kids were asleep. She drank two glasses of water. Repressed the guilt her home insisted upon. She sank into her bed, but sleep didn’t come easily. Her head throbbed from the bar noise. Her mouth tasted like cranberry syrup and lime. Her thighs were raw from Dan’s stubble. Sleep came — not as a blanket of darkness, but as a dusting or scattering between torrents of thought. They hung out a few more times. Dan was dying — not from sickness, just from wanting to. They never had sex. He was never sober enough. But he was smart. Sweet. Different. He had no place to stay, and Emma was living with her mom, so they mostly stayed out — parks, sidewalks, chain restaurants. One night, they split a room at the Red Roof Inn, hoping to be alone. He couldn’t get it up. She drank too much and threw up. They lay in bed afterward, talking, half-laughing, killing time until she had to leave for work. Dan liked the shower. Emma liked the company — and the brief permission to just be. She remembered walking down the street with Dan one night, passing Tom — her kids’ father — unconscious on the sidewalk. She stepped over him without looking down. Dan didn’t even notice; he was too drunk. She told him later. He didn’t ask why she didn’t stop. She didn’t explain. Maybe it was fear. Maybe strength. Someone had an old Polaroid camera one night and snapped a photo of her and Dan kissing. The person handed it to her and said, “You guys are cute together.” Emma kept it. Maybe because someone else saw something — when Dan didn’t, and she couldn’t afford to. Eventually, Dan figured it out. Emma wasn’t just a punk girl at the bar. She was a mom. She had a world outside him. He never said anything. He just let it be. At the end, she asked to meet him outside a Chili’s or Applebee’s or something. When she arrived, he was sitting on the ground, drinking from a flask he barely tried to hide. She tried to take it; he pulled away. She sat with him anyway. He laughed, cried, slurred, and passed out. He wasn’t violent, but she was scared. And alone. The charm was gone. The mind, too. When he started mumbling about suicide, she knew it was over — the fantasy, the hope, all of it. She called 911. He didn’t fight. At the hospital, they said his blood alcohol level was so high it looked intentional; it looked like a suicide attempt. He was committed to a psychiatric hospital. They never met again. Act 4: About Ten Years After Her kids are fifteen and sixteen now. They live with her in Utah. If you’re Mormon, Utah will help pay for school, which is something. She sent Dan a Facebook message once about how the church was softening on homosexuality. He never replied. But she still checks on him sometimes. He seems good. Got a pretty wife. A whole life. That’s fine. Her daughter found the old Polaroid one day — her and Dan kissing. She laughed. “Mom,” she said. “What’d you do to scare this guy off — like all the rest?” It cut Emma, but she didn’t show it. The comment stirred something. She imagined meeting Dan before Tom. Before the death wish. Before diapers and bills and shame. A version of her that got to lean into Sabbath or Danzig or whatever that was. She thought about her sexuality. Her loneliness. How not having two kids would’ve changed everything. And then she thought about holding her baby girl close, seeing love with a mother’s eyes. For a second, she wanted to say, I might have blamed you for scaring him off. But she knew that wasn’t fair. The thoughts passed.. She gave her daughter a crooked grin and said, “I honestly have no idea. Maybe I was wearing the wrong lipstick.”

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Sword & Sorcery

The Bandits of Soad Lake

Strif and I hacked out our meager existence as bandits. Strif was strong, but this strength was more inherited than through any effort of his own; he was born large and broad with a constitution that put most to shame. Over several seasons, I looked on as Strif would bludgeon man and beast with his gnarled oaken staff; he called his staff henbane, and when it struck solid, the reverberations would hit like a thunderclap. I lacked the constitutional power of Strif, but where I lacked strength, I made up for it with precision and cruelty. The edge of my blade knew no mercy and saw no distinction: Knight, hare, monk, or fawn. All blood was the same in my eyes. Strif and I met by chance in a small country village named Mendon. We immediately recognized each other for what we were and decided to work together as our solo endeavors had reached a natural end. Mendon rests near a rarely used trade route and a large lake named Soad. I recognized that the sheer cliffs surrounding the lake would give us a strategic view of the entire road, and I chose an alcove on those high cliffs to begin our plundering. Our cliffside nook served as a vault, abattoir, and home. My plan was a simple one; we would watch the road from our high perch and strike out at select targets. The length of our alliance benefited from its spectacular strategic height. Another advantage of our location was the relative obscurity of the road; it was undiscovered by the more tactless and greedy bandits of the area. I explained to Strif that if we maintained our decorum and struck only select targets, we would avoid drawing too much attention. The lake possessed a nasty reputation in the countryside, and naïve superstition was rampant around Mendon. The folktales of curses and ghosts helped to ensure that only uninformed outsiders would choose the route by the lake. Strif and I concluded that if we dumped all the evidence and victims of our crimes into the lake, we could cover our tracks almost indefinitely. Our effort to conceal any misdeeds would ensure that by the time anyone knew anything was missing, all material evidence would have disappeared into the murky depths of the Soad. I remember those odd nights and harsh conditions nearly as keenly as the vast spoils we accumulated. Despite our distrusting nature and relatively new partnership, Strif and I never squabbled over our shares. I was too weak to best him in battle, and he was too aware of his human disposition for sleep. Mutual fear kept an uneasy alliance. Daily, we would sit perched in that alcove and watch the road for signs of life. A victim drove every carriage or cart that passed. Strif and I always had ample time to scurry down and verify that the loot was unaffiliated with any “attention-grabbing occupants.” We would then lay traps and hide nearby. Malice and precision would always ensue. Strif would lug the goods, and I would mop up the remnants of life that persisted following our attack. Once or twice, we got a little lazy and nearly flubbed the whole game on some loosely affiliated lord or lady, but we always lucked out and could pull back at the last minute. On some nights, up in the alcove, I believed the ravings of the people of Mendon. Certain feelings and motions drove me to wrestle with the rumors of a curse. These legends did serve Strif and me. We, as bandits, were starting to embody the horror of this folklore. The stories of ghosts and curses seemed to give us dominion over that region. But as we became more familiar with our surroundings, we started spotting strange things; we noticed dark stirrings would happen in that lake. Large masses would shift or move, and…sounds bellowed against those cliffs. When the rains came, it would be much worse. On rainy nights with my vision obscured, I thought I could see all manner of things in that lake. Odd light would flash, and large, hulking masses would breach on that black water. Dim shapes crawl up on the shore. Strif swore he saw things that looked like shadowy dogs on the road, and once, we almost went down to investigate, but a bellow rang off those cliffs and sent us darting back to our perch. I laughed after, to think big old Strif running from shadows and spooked by some stray mutt. We tried to shrug off those unsettling nights. Soon, we could shrug no more. One rainy night, we suffered an invasion from hundreds of unnatural beasts; these frog-like creatures were small and strange. Their unearthly croaking shocked us to attention as we slept. Once awoken, Strif was whirling henbane like a cyclone; each impact emitted a squelch, and those frog creatures would nearly explode with a viscous slime. I stomped and laughed like a madman, my boots were caked thick with quivering, rank remains. I grabbed one of those beings in my left hand and gave it a long look; it was like nothing I had ever seen. The scant moonlight shining through the clouds lit up the creature’s purple skin and swollen grey tongue. It also had little bull-like horns on its diabolical head, and on each of the beast’s feet was a single hooked talon. I squeezed that bizarre little demon in my hand till it popped like a ripe fruit; the little bastard’s guts were as rancid as a crypt, and later the spots where my flesh met the viscera broke out in excruciating ulcers. I was startled by the event, but I eventually began to laugh like the mad frog stompers I was, and the rain washed away most of the foul innards. Lights kept flashing. Strif called those lights wisps. Another episode with the frog beasts occurred. I had just loaded up the bodies of a few unlucky travelers with stones, and Strif went off hauling them down to the lake for dumping. Moments later, I heard yelling and glanced in the direction it was coming from. I slowly ambled over to survey the scene. I took my time, stretched my back, and wiped the sweat from my brow. I was in no hurry to aid my giant companion. I had begun growing tired of our alliance and knew that even Strif would need dispatching before long. I thought if something else could do it, more power to them. I approached the shore and saw Strif standing by that blighted lake, henbane in his right hand and the body of some poor sod on his left shoulder; he was staring into that lake and shaking. He just said, “Frog!” I shoved him hard, but he did not budge. “Stop with your nonsense,” I said. He responded, “Big, this one was big.” “Dump that rotting sod and help me lug the goods,” I said. I spotted a few frogs jumping around and, with exactness, stomped several on my way off. I thought Strif was cracking up, and it might be best to cut him loose. A few more carts and I would be moving on. Frog creatures, bellows, and wisps be damned. I was disappointed that all this fortune and luck would come to this end, chased off by shadows and sounds. I knew I needed to kill Strif, and my best option was to strike while he slept. So, I started to lie awake at night. I was trying to get the pattern of Strif’s breathing; he was a strange character, and I never could get the hang of his breath. I began to think that he was trying to stay awake too. The lake had Strif spooked, or he knew I was up to something. I had to get some good wine, and if I could get Strif drunk, I could put him down for good, or maybe I needed to poison him. All blood is the same: Strif, those frogs, the travelers, those wisps. We knocked off a few more carts in quick order. My impatience was starting to make the whole ordeal sloppy; I stopped caring about keeping our low profile or stealth. I wanted nothing more than to murder that giant, grab my loot, and flee those cursed surroundings. Things kept getting worse at night; the Soad was alive. Every time we dumped a load of bodies in the lake, the night-time activity would double or triple. It was like we were stirring the pot. Strif would mumble, “feeding them,” Feeding what I thought, those little frog creatures? And what if there was a big one? I have seen henbane take down bears, horses, and oxen. “Feed those little bastards till they choke,” I remember saying. But Strif was scared, like he knew something was coming for him. I had to be careful; if old Strif dropped the fantasy of those legends, his attention would shift to me. I was coming for him. The whole lake was alive all night now. Lights flashed incessantly. I stayed awake and listened to the breathing and the croaking. I stayed awake and watched the lights pulsate. There was no rest. A grave odor permeated the entire region, and we never saw a soul from Mendon out after dark. Not long after that, the lake came for us in earnest. It rained nearly nonstop for several days, and the roads flooded out; no travelers came, and we lugged no loot. It just poured, and Strif and I sat in uneasy silence. This night felt like a fever. Croaking and bellowing would rise to a roaring cacophony of sounds that displaced the senses. I could not tell where the flashing lights began or ended, and the cliffs vibrated with noise. Those small frog beasts were everywhere. We just stopped squishing them and ceded to the fact that we could not stem the invasion. They flopped and wriggled in the pools at our feet; they infested the supplies, food, and loot. In the distance, the fetid lake bubbled with activity; it frothed like a mad animal, and monstrous black shapes were visible between those putrid waves. Strif noticed the road first. He saw them coming, hollered, and pointed, “Here they come!” I saw five or six large shadows lurching down the road. These shadows were more massive than before. Large as bulls and moved with a nightmarish rolling or slithering. By the time I collected myself and reached for my blade, Strif had hoisted henbane and was charging down the cliffs with violent intent. When I caught up to Strif, he was in battle position in the middle of that sodden road. Strif held henbane above his head with both hands and was screaming his war cry. The rain was coming in buckets, and the wind was at its full icy fierceness. The croaking bellows echoed around us so loudly that they nearly drowned out Strif’s rageful yell. The lead shadow rumbled slowly towards Strif. I strained my eyes and began to perceive our head assailant’s form; It was a giant, monstrous frog creature, nearly identical to the miniature version, but at this size, the horns on the fiend were enormous, and the foot talons were as long as the blade of a scythe. The beast approached nearer, and the horns lit up with an unwholly glow. The white glow illuminated the horror’s ragged lips and leering amphibious eyes. The monster’s aspect and ravenous furor froze me in terror. Strif did not waver; he stood firm and relaxed his fierce raving into a sneer that was, somehow, placid and sardonic. The monster charged at him with mouth agape, and with an impeccable timing born only from practice, Strif swung henbane with the desperation of imminent demise. The noise from that stalwart oaken staff splintering was as loud as a forest of trees cracking at the base. Henbane had shattered in Strif’s mighty hands. He was left holding a mere stump of its former glory. The Frog beast paid the blow no heed and chomped Strif in two with its massive batrachian jaws. The front end of Strif found its final resting place in that demon’s mouth, and his back half sputtered limply down that rain-soaked pass. More were coming; If I wanted to survive, I would need to run. I turned and raced for those sheer-jagged cliffs. I stumbled forward and began my vertical ascent. The rain had washed everything out and made my madcap dash more difficult. I held out hope that those infernal hunters also would be hindered by the downpour. Terror tangled in my guts like a thornbush. I clambered and clawed with rampant desperation. At each moment of egress, I seemed to be thrust backward by a torrent of violent droplets; I clutched my blade so hard between my teeth that I could taste the blood oozing from my gums. My fingertips were shredded by the rocky surface, adding a crimson tinge to the cloudy streams that sped past. Those beasts pursued me with a lolling ardor. I could smell their swampy odor. I made progress slowly upwards and caught sight of a deep crease in the cliff face. If I could wedge myself into that crease, the frog beast might miss me or be unable to continue their pursuit. I reached the crease, and with an agonizing effort, I managed to squeeze myself into that cramped nook. I cowered as far back as possible and could see the approaching light that drifted off those massive horns. I thought of Strif and how he called those lights wisps. I thought of how he said we were feeding them. Is this what our deeds had wrought? Had the act of dumping those bodies in the lake been us heaving dirt on our coffins? Did the blood I spilled seal my fate? Was all blood not the same? Did some blood have a cost? Was this meager crack on some abandoned cliffside where I was to draw my final, horrified breath? It seemed like a hellish eternity as those glowing wisps approached, but when that giant soulless amphibious eye peered into my hiding spot, the fear forced me to wish for the eternal limbo I was previously enduring. I was sure that from their outside vantage point, these beasts could not devour me. Quickly, my confidence was shattered by the bolting of a long, bulbous, grey tongue; in a split second, that viscid tongue was wrapped around my left arm and ripped me forward with overwhelming strength, nearly pulling my arm from its socket. My reflexes kicked in, and I slashed at the beast’s bloated appendage. I managed to sever a length of tongue from its main body. The demon retracted its volley, but what remained continued to stick and contract on my arm; I felt my bones crack. The tongue remnant finally relaxed and fell to the ground, spraying acrid blood. I was left with a lone working arm. I received a moment of respite as the frog beasts rancorously jostled for position, but soon they stopped the infighting, and in a coordinated effort, they all struck forth with a deluge of tongues. I dodged, ducked, slashed, and poked. During the battle, I desperately escaped garrotting several times, but, in the end, fortune favored this cowardly mole. The dawn had begun to pinken the sky, and the torrents of rain waned to a fine mist; the beasts retreated. I was alive and had left those creatures to suckle the noxious blood from their shredded appendages. My blade and this blessed crease had done what all Strif’s constitution and henbane’s might could not. I screamed hysterical curses and cackled like a mad frog stomper until my throat was raw. As the dawn passed, I cowered in my crease and wavered between exhaustion and agony until midday; I was worse for wear and had received more injuries than I initially thought. My left arm would never work again. That acrid blood that wept from those beast tongues destroyed my flesh. I left the loot up in that alcove. The beast can keep it; let them count it a tribute. Even if it were a midsummer afternoon during a drought, I would never return to Soad Lake. I am not some brazen fool! I did not survive because I was skilled or brave. I fought like the rat I am, and fighting like a rat is all I know how to do. I will die in a ditch somewhere with my throat slit by a hungry go-getter, but I will not rest in some frog belly.

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Brother Hercade

Midday approached as Brother Hercade stepped beyond a shaded area of the forest. He gazed upon the entrance to an unhallowed and decrepit temple of Jaageen. The monk wore a thick, hooded, long wool robe. Originally, the robe was uncolored, but years of use have stained it a brownish hue. Around his waist was tightly cinched a rope, and tied to the cincture were his order's most valued blessings. The first piece was an alchemic pouch of worn leather. The second was a thin, knotted cord with three knots. The cord was a material representation of his sacred vows. Each vow is a requirement of the Mirodaite order. Knot one represents stewardship to Miroda; strict adherence to respect and defense for the oppressed. Knot two, frugality meant avoiding material and spiritual excesses. Knot three represented fortitude; a stalwart will and bodily wisdom. Brother Hercade's final possession was two thin sandals. The worn-out leather barely protected his heavily calloused feet, but the shoes were indispensable. The Monk’s face had started to droop with age, but it maintained the angular features of an ascetic. His ash-colored hair was shorn daily into a uniform tonsure. His tawny eyes shone brightly enough to belie his age. Around his neck was a rectangular, carved wooden representation of his faith; this fetish was tied to a simple, thin straw-colored rope. The monk ran his thumb and forefinger down the edges of his charm as he contemplated the baleful temple before him. The temple retained its ancient and impossible configuration but was otherwise in disrepair. Vines and noxious flowers clung to the remnants of great silver pillars. The once-tall representations of the monstrous Jaageen were scattered throughout the courtyard, and some vile vegetation had recently been cleared off these statues and piled to the side. This clumsy attempt at restoration only reveals the impact of decades of neglect. The collapsed effigies, now slightly uncovered, still projected a monstrous presence that quickened Brother Hercade's blood. The monk scanned the remains and identified the splayed claws on the fallen idol's webbed appendages. Jaageen and his djeceik suffered near extinction years earlier, but occasionally Jaageenic activities would increase in an area of the countryside. These activities would quickly result in some unlucky soul discovering ruins such as this. A search party had stumbled upon this temple while they sought some missing villagers. The discoverers fled from the site and contacted the order of Mother Miroda. Brother Hercade was grateful to be the only monk honored to receive orders to cleanse. He stood transfixed on the cracked idols, but faith compelled his gaze toward the bizarre entrance to the temple. Hercade was unsure if he would confront acolytes exclusively or if djeceik themselves would be present. As his eyes rested on a shadowy form that gurgled and squeezed itself through a crack in that anomalous gate, the answer to his internal query was given. The djeceik were repulsively unnatural beasts. Slender branching arms splintered into multiple pitchfork-like points, and shadowy brachyuran skin made them nearly invisible in low light. Their “head” was recessed deeply between arched bony shoulders, and the mouths of these beasts were reticulated voids of luminous fangs. Any movements they attempted were seen as an incorporeal phasing or lurching. Haunting gurgles and squelching added a chorus to their visage. This djeceik, by Miroda's grace, made two fatal errors. The first mistake was that it had passed through the temple gate in the midday sun. If it had been night or evening, Hercade might have been unable to perceive it in time to save his life. Secondly, the monstrous half-shadow anticipated the freedom of isolation. It never imagined the monk of Miroda, or his keen attention to the gate. Hercade tugged gently on his knotted cord and walked, with the forthrightness of his station, toward that newly emerged creature. He made three rectangular passes with his right hand and blessed the beast with a spit of vitriolic words. The djeceik was caught unaware by the haste of this blessing and could barely attempt to block the volley. Upon impact, the abhorrent monster folded over backward, and before it could even flash its fangs or spew a curse, its crude spine shattered and shot through its shelled chest cavity. The corpse of this creature disintegrated into a vile pool of cloudy ichor. Hercade sat cross-legged before the pool of filth. He brought the fetish around his neck to his lips and inhaled three times. Upon his third inhalation, the first knot on his cord untied itself and fell slack. He rose to his feet in a single smooth motion and began his inspection of the temple gate. Brother Hercade gazed toward the geometrically bizarre doorway and began to feel vexation rise. The unnaturally transitory magic of Jaageen gave his followers the ability to travel through dimensional anomalies, and this gate’s architecture reflected these powers. The followers of Miroda were capable of similar travel, but their faith questioned the natural morality of such movements. Historically, monks of Miroda have been thwarted by the impassability that this self-imposed restriction causes. The gate Hercade inspected was a tangled lattice of stonework, metal, and semipermeable magic. The architectural details of the portcullis would be impossible to describe, and for those uninclined to magic, merely looking upon the gate proved painful. Portions of the temple’s interior were visible through the gate, but the monk concluded that for him to gain entry, he would need to find another access point. The temple’s structure was orblike and set deep into the ground at an extreme angle. Only an odd-shaped semi-circular perimeter was visible. Temples of Jaageen were known to plunge to great depths because the acolytes and djeceik preferred subterranean existence. At the height of his frustration, the monk was compelled by a shock of indomitable faith; Hercade’s glance was directed upwards to see a lone puradov as it flapped its feathery white wings. The bird soared forth from the tip of that semicircle, and Hercade recalled the duality of the puradov's freedom and responsibility. This portent of Mother Miroda assured him that access to the temple was attainable from the elevated site the bird had just vacated. The monk walked away from the gate toward the back end of the temple. He pulled his long cowl from the back of his robe and used this loose fabric to cover his mouth and nose. The arcane properties of Jaageen's flora were a well-guarded secret even to the Mirodaite order, and Hercade was wise to take precautions not to breathe in their fumes. He pushed through the queer overgrowth that surrounded the temple, and once he reached the rear of the structure, the monk was able to take in the extent of the sphere he would soon need to climb. The wall he examined was seamless and made from what appeared to be a single textured stone. Hercade would have to scale the wall using the utmost skill and precision. He lifted the hem of his robe above his knees, removed his sandals, and placed them between his teeth. He wiped the sweat from his palms, and once comfortable, he began his free climb up the coarse surface. The dome's curve rose to a great height, and the climb was challenging. Hercade struggled due to perspiration and fatigue, but in time, he attained the peak and crawled over toward a perceived flaw in the dome. The aperture he discovered was a slight crack barely large enough for the wiry monk to pass, but Hercade understood his task and trusted that he could force himself through. His duty was to sanctify the temple's font and dispel the stain of Jaageen; he would not fail. After he deliberated some intricate contortions, Hercade tried to slide through feet first and lower himself down, but the fragile nature of the crack thwarted his attempt, and he plummeted to the base of the interior. Thick stones and additional debris came loose and followed his body down. The rubble that fell alerted the acolytes as they plotted in the temple depths, and three of them quickly grabbed their heavy silver cudgels and raced upward toward the entrance. Hercade had landed awkwardly, and his left ankle was snapped in two by the fall; the bone ruptured through the skin. In addition, he suffered several deep lacerations and bone bruises. The debris that followed him down partially pinned him to the earth. In his pain-wracked stupor, he perceived faint maniacal war cries that emanated from the acolytes of Jaageen as they approached. Hercade plunged the depths of his faith. He shut his eyes tight and conjured an image of the soft white glow that radiated from the countenance of Mother Miroda. This image bolstered his strength, and he was able to entreat his second blessing. He tugged at his fetish cord and uttered concise incantations; he made three rectangular passes with his right hand. Upon the completion of this rite, his body became encircled by a soft golden glow. In a moment, he was jostled from the debris upwards, and his form rose momentarily off the ground. His injuries, wounds, and abrasions rapidly repaired themselves. The acolytes burst into the vestibule where Hercade convalesced, and when they discovered a Mirodaite monk as he received a blessing, the three zealots raved and turned back to escape toward the deeper chambers. The frightened acolytes decided to gather reinforcements and concoct a plan. Hercade again sat cross-legged to give thanks for his recovery. He repeated his prayer and completed his contemplative breath practice. The second knot lifted and untied itself. The cord again fell slack, and the monk was down to his final blessing. He rose from his seated position and began to search for his sandals. After he rummaged for some time, he found the sandals and returned them to his feet, in accordance with his vows. He was grateful to have reclaimed one of his few material allowances. The acolytes who fled met with fourteen of their accursed brethren in a secondary subbasement of the temple. The sect was clustered together and chittered their dismay at being discovered. Unlike the djeceik, the acolytes of Jaageen retain relatively human characteristics, but despite these vague resemblances, they could never pass in the world of man. The curses they received warped and disfigured their bodies and skin. Their complexions were dark green, and the tips of all their appendages festered with boils and poxes. Their teeth and fingernails were long and dark, and their irises were washed with a bright violet or purple tinge. They wore ragged hooded phthalo scraps and massive bronze amulets of Jaageen. The weapon of choice for these beings was heavy silver cudgels that serve the dual purpose of combat and flagellation. Chief among the acolytes’ losses was the ability to communicate in human tongues; the temporal and dimensional displacements of Jaageen robbed them of the delicacy of such acts; thus, their language became a guttural chirp, and the gurgles often emitted were more akin to the sounds of the djeceik. The mass of acolytes gestured wildly, and as reason failed them, they rushed the ascending staircase. Hercade heard the commotion and descended toward the subbasement where the acolytes had gathered. He arrived amid the chaos and startled the panicked acolytes. Several of the group raised their cudgels and wailed in defiance, but some of the wiser acolytes began casting displacement spells in the hopes of escape. Hercade reached into his alchemical pouch and removed a single bloom of Miroda. He waved the stout allium in a circular motion toward the crowd, and the flower released a large cloud of pollen into the room. The bloom of Miroda took possession of all the acolytes. A deep confusion turned to bloodlust in their withered minds. The seventeen half-men turned on each other in a fury of destruction. They brandished cudgel, tooth, and nail, and the mob scratched, hammered, and bit each other in unbridled rage. Normally, fatal injuries did not slow the torturous dance. Each acolyte perished in accordance with their battle skill and endurance, but due to the bloom's influence, even an acolyte with face and head reduced to a shattered pool would flop toward a perceived foe and continue the attack with the fervor of life. Crushed and dismembered limb fragments that were blasted from the battle crawled magnetically toward the epicenter of retribution. The Mother's full wrath spread glorious wings above the scene. In a short time, the dead mangled bodies of the acolytes melded into a singular writhing mass of splintered bones, rendered skin, and torn scraps. The blood pooled thick on the floor, and this result informed Hercade that the lump of viciousness could perform no further damage to itself. He waved the bloom in a circular motion for a second time, and the pollen dissipated. The spent allium wilted in his hand and fell. In front of him, the pile of gore burst into a bright white flame, and the unholy viscera vanished. Brother Hercade now stood eerily silent. His breath was calm, and he scanned the room. The keen senses of the monk noticed that the walls had nearly imperceptible cracks. The silver braziers that adorned the room began to dim, and the runed phthalo tapestries started to writhe and billow. Although his faith had earlier warned him of the presence of djeceik, Hercade was unsure of the density of their infestation in this temple. Within moments, dozens of the shadowy beasts oozed from the newly formed crevices. Valour and fortitude struggled against the monk's discretion and frugality, but the latter prevailed, and Hercade took flight towards a spiral staircase that ran deeper into the temple. As he fled, he realized that his sacred task to cleanse would now serve as his only salvation from the horde of beasts that pursued him. His journey downward continued in the pitch-black depths, and he balanced precariously close to a forward crash and failure. His feet were guided to each step through that darkness, and as he rounded yet another curve in the stairs, he could see a luminous purple barrier that protected Jaageen’s inner adoration chapel. Behind him, he noticed an additional glow, but unlike the relief he felt at the barrier’s light, this rear glow greatly disconcerted him; the mass of djeceik extended their malformed mouths, and their luminous fangs cast an incandesce on the back of the monk. The children of Jaageen were closer than he expected, and as he neared the bottom of the final staircase, the orbital socket of his right eye was fish-hooked by the grope of a razor-sharp tendril. The nearest djeceik had extended a limb greatly and struck the monk, and when contact occurred, Hercade became infected with the fiend’s necrotic material poison. The monk’s eye burst in a steamed hiss, and his head jerked sharply to the right. His body spilled forth and whirled. This tumble, though painful, was fortuitous as its momentum carried him through the barrier. The djeceik halted their pursuit at the entrance to the chapel grounds. The adoration chapel filled with a horrific glow as the shadowy beasts pressed their open mouths against the magic barrier. The pain of Hercade's injury surpassed his will, and he lay motionless on the floor to collect himself; squelching gurgles of wrath rang in his ears. Weakened by his injury and partially blinded, Hercade was bestowed holy encouragement to complete his task. He reconciled his fate, swallowed the bile in his mouth, and crawled his way toward the silver font that emerged ahead. The chapel was ornately decorated, but the extent of its grandeur was obscured due to the light source limitations. The monk was guided forward and relied on divine intervention to shield him from any unseen threats. A lone blessing that was meant to cleanse the stain of Jaageen remained on his cord. With each strain forward, his lifeblood was mixing with a necrotic poison, and the two contrasting fluids rapidly rained from Hercade's face. This holy bloodshed riled up the djeceik and compelled them to open their mouth wider and gurgle ferociously. The inadvertent effect of this animalistic response further illuminated the room. Hercade, now in this increased light, could make out a monstrous golem of Jaageen crouched behind the font. Once he had seen those rows of needle-like teeth and spine-dappled tendrils, he was shocked into desperate action. He made three rectangular passes with his right hand and lunged toward the central font. The moment his hand contacted the cool, smooth silver, a ray gleamed and pierced the temple depths; the vile purple fluid that previously swirled with malice in the deep basin was cleansed and transformed to crystal clear purity. Miroda's merciful gaze fell on the temple and evaporated the monstrosities that remained. The God's victorious herald was prone and maimed as toxic material rotted his flesh. Hercade completed an act of thanksgiving and brought his fetish to his lips for a third time. The final knot on his cord unraveled as his breath quickened toward its end. Stone and magic crumbled above him, and his vision dimmed to an opaque haze. The ground erupted beneath him, and a dank geyser of putrid air forcefully jettisoned his body directly upwards. Hercade was propelled through dense layers of rocky sediment and wood. Chunks were torn from his skin, and his limbs contorted into unnatural angles from the velocity of his rise. His screams of agony were stifled by the dirt that filled his mouth and shattered his teeth. The monk's shredded and broken body was ejected forth from the subterranean depths into the clear blue surface. He tumbled several times and landed with a sharp thud on the cool grass. Hercade's lone remaining eye caught a glimpse of that puradov as it now flew westward. His right hand, by grace, had landed on his cord of blessing. He struggled to move his fingers slightly and perceived that the acts of faithful devotion he had just performed had returned his blessing knots. The monk spat dirt and teeth from his ragged mouth and raised his shattered right arm to begin three rectangular passes.

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